


Overdue Holiday

by Sapphire_Princess



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: 00Q - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, James works through some issues, M talks sense into James, M/M, Mallory is a good boss, SPECTRE Fix-It, extended vacation, lots of snuggling, mentions of past James/Vesper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-01-22 11:12:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 67,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12480248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphire_Princess/pseuds/Sapphire_Princess
Summary: Q hides his heartbreak well, hiding within Q Branch at all hours of the day.When James Bond walks in, Q is expecting the worst, but it seems M has talked some sense into him and he's not there to say goodbye, but to offer something all together more promising and much deserved.





	1. Q Branch

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for over two years. The first chapter can be read as a stand alone.  
> This whole thing came about because the last scene of Spectre broke my heart, and because I love the place they go on holiday to and I missed it.

It’s very early - too early, really - but he wanted to come in regardless. The last three weeks have been hard and frantic with the effort to clean up the mess left by C and Spectre.

Q has done all he can on that front…. filed reports, worked on improving systems, and sat in several meetings with M in which the man has tried - as tactfully as he can - to check how Q is doing. His answer has been the same each and every time; that he’s tired, worn out and needs to get things sorted.

He knows he wasn’t quite so good at hiding it the night M, Moneypenny, and Tanner came back to his house for an evening of quiet mourning over the loss of a friend who had chosen something else.

_Someone else._

So, Q works far more than he needs to, and is now within the safe confines of his research lab at a little past 6 in the morning.

He can’t help but look up when the lift starts up - none of his people would come that way, they have a separate access area. That narrows it down to people with authorisation and a flare for the dramatic.

Q doesn’t speak and barely reacts for a moment. Standing and walking around his desk when the doors finally open.

“Good morning, Q.”

“Bond. I thought you’d left.”

Bond gives a slight nod of his head and fixes his eyes on Q’s face. “And I thought you were terrified of flying.”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant.” Q keeps his composure and forces his breathing to stay even.

“Oh, I think it is,” James tells him.

“What are you really doing here, 007?”

Bond smiles but it’s not cutting; more knowing. “I actually, believe it or not, came to talk to you.”

Q makes a show of looking around. “Well, there isn’t exactly anyone else here.”

“Yes, precisely. I asked M and he said you’ve been here much earlier than usual - even for you.”

Q looks away. “Bond… James, you have my number, you even know where I live. Why here?”

“Because, Q, you came to Austria - on a plane - I checked, nothing else would have been fast enough - and you hate flying. You’re terrified. Yet there you were in that

god-awful bar to see me.”

“To bring you back in.”

“Q.”

“Bond.”

“I prefer it when you call me James.”

“I shouldn’t have.”

“Why not?”

“Doctor Swann.”

“Yes, that’s why I’m here.” Q deflates but Bond keeps talking. “No, this is why I prefer to act and skip this part.”

“Right.”

“M was very insistent I do this properly.”

Q looks up again, confused. “And are you?” Not that he knows what this is about - why Bond has been in contact with M - or why he has to endure this so early in the morning.

“Apparently not. For a genius you - no, that’s not fair. I’m sorry, it’s been a very long time.”

Q stands silent and keeps waiting for whatever it is Bond came all the way here to say but Bond’s attention is drawn by the computer screens to the side of Q’s desk.

“You’re still tracking me.”

“You never asked me to stop.”

Bond walks forwards and past Q and stands straight in front of a screen.

“No, not tracking. No location. Monitoring. Why?”

“Please don’t ask me that.” _This is my Branch. You don’t get to do this here._

“M ordered you to shut it all down.”

“And I did.” Bond looks at him but Q takes a moment before answering. “Then I rewrote the program to my own specifications.”

“Hm. Could you turn the location on?”

“Yes.”

“Can anyone else?”

“Ah, no. I didn’t think it would be a good idea to leave you so exposed. Not when it was clear you were leaving, had already left, actually.”

“I’ve been gone for three weeks.”

“Yes, well. I’ve been keeping busy. Lots to do.”

“From what I hear you’ve already done it.”

Q gives him a closed liped smile with a brief nod and inwardly wonders why M has been relaying all of this to Bond. He knows Moneypenny hasn’t spoken to him - she would have said something if she had - and Tanner wouldn’t keep it from him either. Only M would have the power to release this kind of information to Bond, but Q doesn’t, as yet, understand why.

“All the important bits, certainly.”

“Q.”

“Yes, 007?” he replies with his usual light and easy tone.

“In the two or so years since we met you’ve turned me down five times.”

“I’ve never enjoyed recreational sex.”

“I asked you to dinner.”

“Bond,” he says in warning. “I know what being asked to dinner means when it’s you issuing the invitation.”

“You could at least have said yes to drinks,” Bond says and Q ignores the undertone in his voice; wonderfully smooth with just a touch of gravel. He is very good at what he does.

“I’m relatively certain that meant the same thing.” After a moment he adds. “I have always appreciated the tea you provide and the company when you’re in Q Branch. Though, that was before I moved down here and well, that happened rather quickly and I never did get to give you a proper tour. I suppose you preferred your private late night viewing and souvenir.” Q will admit to practically handing him the keys in that instance.

“I miss your old office,” Bond says instead of actually acknowledging any of what Q has said. Maybe this was M’s point.

“I still have it. I just prefer it down here.” He recognises the look Bond is now giving him. “I do also spend time away from work.”

“In your fortress?”

Q doesn’t argue. Cosy and homely though it is, Bond’s description of his home is accurate.

“If your point is that I’m hiding away down here to avoid something then I’d like to point out that I rather like my job, and also that I am not the one doing the running. I am, it would appear, being left behind.” He looks away sharply. “Which I know is an odd thing to say when I’ve never really been _had_. I suppose that’s why you keep bringing up dinner. Please get to the point, 007. Getting on that plane to chase you half way across Europe was relatively easy compared to this.”

“Oberhauser had to believe that I made a choice, he had to see that he’d lost everything and I had beaten him.”

“You also could have shot him.”

“Triggers, Q.”

They share a look. Q isn’t convinced but he stands by Bond’s judgement.

“So, I left with Madeline. Oberhauser is in a secure facility until we have what we need and then he’ll be dealt with. Madeline is where she wanted to be, able to do the job she loves without fear of who - or what - might be coming after her.”

“She’s not with you?”

“No.”

“Oh.” It takes him a few moments to process everything Bond has just said and even then he doesn’t think he can believe or understand it.

“Q, I know you don’t trust my ability to mean dinner when I say dinner but you’ve read my file and you know my history. Why would I choose someone I’ve known for only a few days over my friends? Over the job I love, especially now, after everything?”

“Because we thought, that is, myself, Eve, and Tanner, that you loved her.”

James doesn’t reply straight away but when he finally speaks, he looks straight at Q. “There has only been one person I left this life for. You know her name and what happened afterwards. She wouldn’t have forced me to choose, in fact she never really did. We just took a holiday.” He looks wistful, an odd expression but an honest one. Q knows for a fact that he resigned from active duty but he supposes, for Bond, given what happened after, it was the same thing. “Madeline is an incredible woman and I care about her but I don’t love her. Even if I did, every time I leave I come back. Just like this morning.”

“So you did leave.”

Bond closes his eyes and lets out a breath.

“I have to take a holiday. A long one.”

“How long?” _Shit. Shit. Shit._ He hadn’t meant to sound so worried but he knows he did. Is this Bond’s way of telling Q he needs to leave? Go into hiding?

“Preferably a month.”

Q raises his eyebrows.

“If I ask you to come with me, will you? You can have the time off,” James asks, blue eyes still watching Q carefully.

“I suppose M told you that too, did he?” Q replies, sounding far, far calmer and annoyed that he feels.

“Well I certainly didn’t ask him. He showed up at my flat, complained about my lack of interior decorating skills then drank my scotch.”

“I would pay to see that,” Q says with a quirk of a smile on his lips.

Bond raises his eyebrows. “He did have the curtesy to bring another bottle with him.”

“I told you not to underestimate him.” (It was shortly after M’s appointment. Over tea for Q and scotch for Bond, in the computer lab Q had finally set up to his liking and improved security standards. Bond had been masking his grief for M and Q had played along with his distraction.)

“He said the same thing about you - or words to that effect.”

Q doesn’t really know what to say to that, so he walks back to his seat and takes hold of his mug. His favourite scrabble mug is still at home, he hasn’t quite felt able to bring it to work for the last couple of months. He does now have another - exactly the same - curtesy of Bond when he thought Q had lost or broken it. That’s hidden in the bottom draw of the desk he’s currently sat at and it doesn’t feel like his yet. The only time he used it was the time Bond had shown up with it. He’d been so heartened by the gesture he’d had a mug made for James in return. That too is at the back of his drawer. In a box. A locked box.

“Kettle is in the corner, tea is in the cupboard underneath,” he says, gesturing to the back. This early in the morning there are more than enough mugs waiting to be used. Some of his team have started brining their own mugs back to work again and he thinks given a few more weeks he might be able to face his again too. Bond looks at him, seems to understand then turns and sets about making himself a mug of tea. Q watches him add milk from the fridge before he returns to Q’s desk, perching on the end of it and facing Q.

“I really did just mean dinner.”

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

Bond lets out a short huff of laughter. “The second time. I didn’t even mean to ask you the first time.”

“Why did you?”

Bond smiles and Q hides his face behind his mug.

“I hadn’t expected you to let me hide in Q branch.”

“Your insight is sometimes useful. I will admit, I wondered what exactly it was you wanted.”

“When did you figure it out?”

“Oh, about the fifth time you looked at the door.”

Bond smiles again and Q can’t stay unaffected, he smiles back but feels the bittersweet pang in his chest as he does.

“I wouldn’t have, you know.”

“Taken me to dinner?” Q asks, he thinks that this is what it’s all still about.

“I was serious about dinner. I’d have taken you out and taken you home. Then left, if that was what you wanted.”

That’s probably the problem. It’s not that Q didn’t want to… it’s not the night together that he would have regretted, so much as what would have come after and what it meant - or didn’t mean.

“Bond,” he says, tone serious and wary again.

“What do you want me to say, Q?”

“The truth.”

Bond is silent for a long few minutes but when he speaks it’s with an honesty Q has rarely heard. “I want you to come with me, on holiday. I promise we won’t have to get on a plane. The Isle of Wight is beautiful this time of year or there’s Devon, Cornwall, Scarborough or Llandudno if you’d rather not get on a boat either.”

“And after?”

“You won’t ask me to choose.”

Q closes his eyes and bows his head just a little. His throat burns and he feels oddly close to tears.

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“And neither would I.” Bond puts his half empty mug on the table, Q can’t look at him.

“Q, I value and respect you too much to take you to bed and leave you there. This isn’t about sex.”

“At all?” Q chances a look.

“Q.” And now Bond is the one who looks worried, not afraid, but wary. His guard is down - however slightly.

“I love you,” Q admits carefully. Bond looks at him for a long time, assessing as Q sits there and lets it all show.  
Resignation burns bright in his chest but it is easier for him to say it now and have it all out in the open than be hurt by it later on. Bond isn’t malicious and rarely cruel and Q needs him to know why he’s so resistant.

“I panicked on the way to your hotel room after rescuing Madeline.” Bond isn’t meeting Q’s eyes. “They went for her and I was sure they would go after you, too. All I could see was every scenario aside from one where you were safe in your hotel room.”

Q stays silent a bit too long and winces when Bond looks at him.

“They did follow me. On the ski lift pods but I ran and hid, then made my way back when I was sure they were gone.”

“How many?”

“Two. Not very bright either.”

“No, I suppose not.” Fear is clouding his eyes and Q reaches for something to elevate it.

“I didn’t think Double-Os panicked.”

“Not outwardly, no, and not often. You learn to think past it or through it, shove it down somewhere you won’t have to think about it.” He sighs. “Q, do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Yes and no. James, it’s not that I don’t want to believe you but I’m worried about the consequences if I do. I don’t mean the danger you frequently put yourself in for your job. I understand the risks but…” he speaks carefully and slowly, deliberately against the rhythm of his heart - which is either trying to beat out of his chest or kill him.

“My reputation,” Bond finishes for him.

“Yes.”

“But not on missions.”

“No. I’m perfectly aware of why you behave the way you do in the field.” And it doesn’t bother him because he understands.

“I’m sorry, Q.” He actually sounds it.

Q takes a deep breath. “If you mean it, really and actually mean it.”

Blue eyes flash to his. “I do. I think for a long time I thought you were humouring me.”

“Ah. Defence mechanism I’m afraid.”

“I meant it.”

“So do I.” All of it, that he loves him, that he doesn’t know if this is a good idea.

“Q, if I say anything else now you won’t believe me anyway. Just come with me, take some time off. That’s all I ask. And if you don’t want to, I won’t ask again and I’ll see you when I get back.”

Q nods and considers. “Do we need to fill in any paperwork?”

“I shouldn’t think so, no. Wouldn’t want to leave a trail. But M does know and he doesn’t seem to think there will be a problem.”

That in its self speaks volumes. He thinks even M knows Q won’t hold out for long when it comes to Bond.

“Alright. I’ll need to go home and pack. I’m brining my lap top just incase, and I need about half an hour to send the relevant emails and messages.”

“I can wait.”

Q looks at Bond. “Yes, though it would seem in this instance that I have made you wait quite long enough. You should take a seat,” he adds.  
Bond - to his credit - does, pulls one over and wheels it up and next to Q’s. He turns and regards Bond carefully. He still looks worried, wary and surprisingly, genuinely, unguarded.

“ _Shit_. I really am sorry. All this time I thought you were only after casual sex with a friend. Someone unlikely to cause you any further complications.”

“I couldn’t do that, Q. Not to you. At least not in the way you mean. It became obvious pretty quickly that there would be feelings involved, for me at least.”

“Moneypenny and R have tried to explain that you’ve been genuinely flirting with me. I couldn’t believe you actually meant any of it.”

“Q,” Bond admonishes gently. He’s sitting very close and Q would like to take hold of his hand but there are emails still to send and he wants to leave as soon as possible, so he turns back to his computer and types away.

“I’m not saying that I have a low opinion of myself. I’m very good at my job - excellent as long as I remember I’m capable of making mistakes - but you are 007 and I am the Quartermaster. Double-Os rarely pay anyone in my department very much attention at all.” He smiles at Bond and continues before he can be interrupted. “I know you spend more time here than any of the other agents combined, and I realise what you were trying to do every time you brought me something to eat or drink or just sat and looked amused before adding your opinion. Why do you think I gave you an exploding watch?”

Bond laughs and Q stops typing.

“It was more useful than a pen, I’ll admit. It saved my life.”

Until now Q hadn’t been sure, but he’d noticed it was gone from his wrist when he next saw him in the safe house.

“Good.” He checks his emails over carefully. Once, twice, three times and then sends them. Then he sends an extra email to R from his private account to her’s, carefully written so only she can understand.

He starts shutting down his station and equipment and disconnects his lap top once he’s sure everything has sent and turns back to Bond.

“What else did M say?” His hand is resting on the table next to his closed laptop and he wants to move it, wants to cover Bond’s hands with his own where they rest carefully closed in his lap… he can’t make himself reach out.

“Nothing that’s currently important,” Bond says and it takes Q a moment to remember what he’d asked. His heart is pounding again and his other hand has now moved to fidget on his knee.

Bond watches him for a moment then reaches for Q’s hands. James’ don’t shake, and the tremors Q is so unused to feeling in his calm with the contact. Bond squeezes his fingers gently, watching their joined hands as he does. When Q squeezes back he smiles, just a little, just enough and Q smiles back. He’s sure he looks ridiculous.

“You know,” Bond says, “you smiled like that in the gallery when we met.”

“You were a very pleasant surprise.”

“Thank you.” He leans in when Bond pulls him closer and lets out a long breath when Bond - James - reaches over and kisses him, hands dropped into Bond’s lap as his move to cover Q’s cheeks.

Q’s eyes shut as he lets it all sink in, presses back against the gentle pressure and lifts his own arms to hold onto Bond’s jacket.

He lets James kiss him, opens up for him and accepts what he’s given. It’s not that he’s deliberately passive, he just really wants to feel it. And it feels sincere. There’s none of the smooth confidence he’s seen in Bond in the field.

He’s also ashamed to admit it but he still doesn’t quite believe him. He is waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Q lets out a breath when James releases him.

“Is this being recorded?”

It takes Q a moment to reply to the quietly spoken words.

“No. This area isn’t under surveillance, not video or audio anyway.”

“Ah, so when Tanner said no prying eyes, he meant it,” Bond says, hands still resting on Q’s cheeks before falling slowly away.

“Yes. As it happens C never quite managed to get into any of my actual systems, just got to a few messengers and sent them on their way down here knowing I couldn’t turn them away. No one in Q branch was directly involved and Moneypenny thinks he got more from her phone and bugging her coat than from me, but it doesn’t change anything. He was still able to get to us. To you.”

“Not your fault, Q. You stopped Nine Eyes from going live. You and M deserve as much credit as me or any of the other agents. Tanner and Moneypenny included. More, actually.” Bond looks a little rueful and Q smiles.

“Hm. Is that why I suddenly find myself with a month of holiday?”

“Oh, come on. You haven’t taken any time off in months.”

“I know but there hasn’t exactly been much choice. I do normally, you know. Working constantly for months and months on end makes people slow and I can’t afford to let that happen to me.”

James smiles. “Yet you refuse to go away without your laptop.”

“Yes, of course. You wouldn’t leave without your gun.”

“Or my watch.”

Q smiles at him, wide with teeth showing and more happiness - than he should show anywhere within work - on his face.

“My point - which I’m sure you know - is that while I want to take some time off to relax, I also want to be ready if we’re needed. I’m not going to carry it everywhere but I want access, if necessary.”

Q stands, takes care to take his laptop, charger and anything else he needs from his desk, and pack it all in into his bag. He takes a moment to check thorough his mental list of anything else he might need from his other, smaller - and arguably more cluttered - lab but he moved everything to this desk when he arrived that morning. There isn’t anything else he needs or could take with him, even if he wanted to.

Bond - to his surprise - takes both mugs and washes them in the sink. Q stares in disbelief and Bond just gives him his ridiculous half smile and puts them with the other mugs on the drying mat.

“Let me just get my coat and we can be off,” Q says and heads towards the door. Despite Bond’s remarks about the weather, it’s still only early spring and therefore quite cold in the mornings and evenings.

He turns to see Bond looking at his prized Aston Martin. Technically the property of MI6 but Q isn't entirely sure of it’s history. Just that at one point it had been listed as lost by Bond and yet showed up again during the Silva incident. Q added it to their inventory at Bond’s request, but even now he isn’t sure who exactly it should belong to. He could look into it but he doesn’t particularly care.

“She’s ready. We could take her, if you want to?”

Bond shakes his head and keeps walking.

“No, she’ll be here when we get back. Might draw unnecessary attention. M has loaned us a car. He says you’ve already fitted it out for general use.”

“The Rover?” He chuckles. “Yes, I did. He didn’t exactly say what it was for, and it was nice to work on. It’s good to do from time to time; refit cars for agent and staff use, make them safer and a little more capable.”

“Can he track us with it?”

“Not without my authorisation, no. Though it might be good to let someone know where we are. There are a number of distress beacons within the car its self, so if we do get into trouble, they will be able to find us.”

“I promised M a destination and he promised not to intrude.”

Q spends a minute coding the access panel to let in all his staff on the safe list, transfers certain protocols to R - his second in command as well as everything else - and then turns to Bond. He knows as he does that he’s not hiding anything, his whole heart is on display. Bond just looks relieved and pleased.

When Q holds out his hand, Bond takes it and they leave together.


	2. Holiday Destination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Q gets to witness James in a situation he'd never imagined possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left a comment or a kudos!  
> Posting this slightly earlier than planned :)

James seems content enough to sit in Q’s kitchen and watch the cats as Q packs what he thinks he’ll need for a month somewhere in the UK at this time of year.

He comes back downstairs to see Feynman and Tesla on the kitchen table staring at Bond.

“They’re just unhappy because they know they’re going to the cattery for a month.” Bond looks a little guilty but Q smiles and picks Feynman up. She purrs and immediately nuzzles him. “They’d rather stay here but although food and water will be in plentiful supply; they’ll miss the fuss and attention. There’s plenty of that where they’re going.”

James is smiling widely when Q looks up from his grey tabby cat.

“What?” he asks.

“You. With cats. I’ve always suspected, even before you told me, but it’s still nice to see.”

“Ah. Good to know I look like a typical cat person.”

“You don’t look like a typical anything.”  
Q swallows against the honesty in James’ tone and looks back to Feynman, scratching her just below the ear and holding her close.

Tesla moves closer to James and he holds out his hand. He looks faintly amused as she makes up her mind about him and eventually nuzzles his palm before walking across the table to Q and demanding the same attention as Feynman.

“What are their names?” James asks as Q settles closer to him at the table. Tesla is still mewling but Q can’t hold both of them at the same time and maintain a level of dignity he’s insistent on holding on to around James.

“Feynman and Tesla,” he tells him, running his hand over Tesla’s head and sleek grey fur. “Both female, both rescues. Had them both since they were kittens.”

“Did you name them?”

“Of course.”

“Favourite scientists?”

Q smiles, pleased. “Yes.”

“They must miss you when you’re at work.”

It takes Q a moment to reply, but by the time he’s gathered himself Feynman chooses to drop to the table, then the floor, and weaves through his ankles. Tesla jumps up into his arms in delight and Q obliges her with a fond shake of his head.

“They do, though they also come with me, now. Sometimes.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not. I suppose you might not have noticed the cat bed next to the radiator in my new lab.”

“I didn’t think it would be safe.”

“When they’re with me I make sure they know what to keep away from, and they’re brilliant for stress relief. Someone always wants to take a break and sit with them.” R especially - has spent time sat with her laptop whilst both cats lie across her legs, but they know her very well anyway.

“Does M know?”

“Yes. He ah, wasn’t too pleased the first time he saw them but I showed him how I keep them out the way and he just sat with them for a bit. Feynman likes him but Tesla is still wary. Not sure why.”

“How do you keep them out of the way?”

“I can show you the schematics if you like, I have a copy somewhere.”

James laughs and looks him up and down, cat purring at his feet and another in his arms. He must make quite a picture but James seems honestly pleased and amused.

“So, where are we going?” Q asks before embarrassment starts to creep in again. Everything is packed and ready and he knows James’ things are already in the boot of the car outside.

“Wherever you want.”

“Hm. Isle of Wight, then,” Q says.

“Any particular reason?”

“Yes. I can’t seem to picture you on a car ferry.”

James smiles with his whole mouth and Q smiles back.

“Okay then. Give me half an hour.” James stands and gets out his phone. Q just looks at him until he explains himself. “I’m going to confirm the booking arrangements.”

“How did you know where I’d choose?”

“I didn’t but this is the only place I needed to reserve.”

“Do you know someone there?”

Bond smiles. “Friend of a friend.”

Q nods, if James trusts them then it’s good enough for him. “Okay.” He puts Tesla on the table.

Bond smiles and makes the call, pacing between the kitchen and the hallway.

Q makes himself tea (Earl Grey - of course) and sips it quietly, sat on the window seat as he looks out at his garden in the early morning.

He’s already called the cattery and they were happy to accept them for the next few weeks. All he has to do now is wait for James.

_Shit.  
_

_Oh Shit. Shit. Shit._

It hits him slowly, slowly until he realises - truly - that he’s waiting to go on holiday with 007. With James Bond. For a month. On the Isle of Wight.

It’s so surreal. He’d thought Bond gone with Doctor Madeline Swann forever; to chase whatever happily ever after there was out in the world for him.

That he’s returned - despite protests of never really leaving - is a surprise, though that he’d left at all had felt painfully wrong and no applied logic had helped Q make sense of it. He, Tanner, M and Moneypenny had consoled each other with alcohol and quiet company. Q had hidden his heartbreak well enough until they had left him to sleep. Then he’d cried long into the night, heartbroken and sad and feeling so ashamed of himself for feeling that way - or any way - about Bond.

Eve had returned the following evening and together they had made a dent in the bottle of champaign Bond had left for him when he’d taken the DB10. She’d confessed not knowing what to think and being unable to talk to her boyfriend about it; she’d claimed her friend was missing after the attacks in Cape Town but hadn’t wanted to face honest sympathy from someone she couldn’t be honest with.

If she knew how Q felt about Bond she hadn’t asked or pried - and he’s almost certain that she knows or she wouldn’t have kept up her insistence about James’ behaviour towards him.

There were somethings they acknowledged silently, Tanner and M included. Bond too, some of the time.

How long M knew about this current situation was anyones guess. Q didn’t think he’d been aware the night they spend at Q’s house. His sympathy was too honest, the pain in his expression and genuine concern were not things he would fake. M would have passed on the invitation and made excuses. And his cats, very good judges of character, hadn’t shied away from him - well Tesla hadn’t kept as much distance as she normally did.

And R has been the constant source of reassurance as she always is, keeping an eye on him and making sure to vary her hours as needed so that Q can sleep. He in turn has found himself doing the same for her and the others in his department who actively run the different areas. She stayed over at his house once over the past few weeks and didn’t say anything when he cried in her lap on the couch, she just stroked his hair and let him be. She had also told him quietly, very quietly that she thought there was something else going on but Q had put it down to wishful thinking (he thinks R had too).

Q can tell that there’s more to all of this than James just deciding to stay and leaving it at that. James came to him - after a thorough berating from M - and that means a great deal. Somewhat more than Q ever expected.

“Q?” he asks from the door, phone slipped back into his pocket. “Bathroom?”

“Upstairs on your left or down the hall and across from the stairs.”

Bond smiles fondly and heads along the hall.

Q continues to sip his tea quietly and Feynman comes to sit in his lap.

“I’ll miss you both and I need hardly remind you that I’ll know if you’re misbehaving.”

Tesla mewls at him and jumps from the floor up to the gap between him and the window. Feynman doesn’t move over but allows her to squeeze into the remaining space on Q’s lap.

“I know it’s going to be the longest I’ve been away, and I’m grateful for the last few weeks… so grateful,” he adds under his breath. He keeps his next thought to himself, though he holds Feynman as tightly as she’ll allow. _‘And I might need you when I come home.’_

James comes back a couple of minutes later and watches - warily - from the door.

“Are your cats going to hate me for this?”

Q laughs as Tesla resigns herself to her fate and leaps back down to the floor.

“No, they’re not monsters.”

James doesn’t look convinced.

“I’ll take your bags out to the car. I’m ready as soon as you are.”

Q nods. “Give me ten minutes and I’ll be out.”

***

It’s still relatively early in the day when they set off. The cats are settled in their lavish and temporary home, and it’s barely past 9 in the morning.

Q has double - triple - checked that he has everything he might need in his suitcase, bag, and laptop bag. James has chuckled fondly under his breath each and every time, a light in his eyes Q isn’t used to seeing so obviously directed at him.

London traffic isn’t as bad as it could be and most of it is past it’s worst or heading in the other direction so the roads are relatively quiet.

Bond drives and Q tunes the radio, leaving it happily set to Classic FM and daring Bond to comment. He doesn't, but Q can tell he wants to.

“What did M say when you told him?” Q asks as they reach the motorway and start towards Southampton in earnest.

“Osbourne House is worth a visit and so is Black Gang Chine. Really, I just think he wants us to return with a photo album of black mail material.”

Q laughs, not knowing what the latter place is but wanting suddenly to take photos all the same.

“I can encrypt all the pictures so no one but us can see them, if you like.”

“I wasn’t serious.”

“I am.”

Their eyes meet for just a moment and Q smiles as he looks away; knowing James is likely doing the same.

“By the way, what should I call you?” James asks.

“Q.”

“That’s a little inconspicuous isn't it?”

“Why would it be? It could be a nickname or you could just do what most people do anyway and not use my name at all.”

“Is it really that confidential?”

“My name?”

“Yes.”

“Ah. Yes and No,” Q admits, he had wondered how long it would take for Bond to ask him. He’d thought he would at the house but he wonders if he went off to try and find something - anything with a name on it.

“I managed to find M’s name years ago, she wasn’t too pleased, and Mallory only uses M for his official business… yet you’ve never alluded to yours at all. I’m guessing that your ID, passports and bank cards are all in false names.”

“I have some that are, all high level members of MI6 do. You do - though you rarely use them.”

“Never any point in hiding who I am. Anyone who’s after me already knows my name regardless. Is something or someone after you, Q?”

“No. Certainly not from my past and anyone now would be after the Quartermaster and I’m not sure how many of them know that’s me, not now we’ve destroyed most of Spectre.”

“You were followed in Austria.”

“Not necessarily because they knew who I was - I’d been seen helping you, I think they thought I was an agent or a lower ranking member of Q branch. It’s not a very well kept secret that I’m terrified of flying. It’s true, but it’s also a good cover.” He knows there was video feed of him inside the main parts of MI6 but that was after and almost all of it is at least destroyed or corrupted.

“You’ve checked, haven't you.”

“You already know the answer to that.”

“So, no dark and mysterious past?”

Q shakes his head. “No, I more offered my services to MI6 rather than be forcefully recruited. I don’t have anything to hide - or I didn’t. I don’t think there’s anywhere else that will let me be myself, recent experiences not included. I didn’t want to do anything else, not once I’d realised what I could do. I enjoy it.”

“Being Q?”

“Yes. Very much. I wasn’t ever really fortunate enough to acquire a nick name at school or university. People would always just call me by my name and it was always rather underwhelming. As Q, no one has any real choice, Though they can - and do - call me Quartermaster.”

“Did M know?” There’s something different in his tone when James speaks of Olivia Mansfield and Q always knows who he’s talking about - a warm fondness that’s lacking when he speaks of Mallory - but the deep-rooted respect is still present for each.

“Yes.”

“And M?”

Q rolls his eyes. “I think so, he certainly has clearance. He’s the only one who does. Even C didn’t managed to get his hands on it.”

“Good. I’m not surprised. Though that does lead me to my next question; how long have you worked at MI6?”

Q smiles at the warm praise and settles into his seat.

“Ah. A few years before I was appointed Quartermaster. I worked in online security and - to put it bluntly - hacking, as well as research and development in Q branch.”

“What did they call you then?”

“Oh. They didn’t. We went by assigned names.”

“Seriously? So no one in your department is who they say they are?”

“Some are, others like the security of an assigned name and identity. You can tell people your real name if you want to but no one really questions it if you don’t. Though, forgive me, I didn’t think you spoke to many people in Q branch outside of R and myself.”

“I do sometimes, whilst I wait for you and if R is too busy.”

“Ah, you’ve had to have conversations with my team on several occasions, then.” Q’s smile is teasing and James gives a fond shake of his head.

“We share a love of cars and interesting explosives. It isn’t exactly difficult,” James says and Q believes him. On a few occasions when he’s found James already there he’d been in the old garage discussing the different types of guns he prefers in his cars and the merits of ejector seats. Others he’s been sat with R or a few of the other more amiable quartermasters and programmers. James doesn't try to charm them or be anything other than himself; as though he knows he’s somewhere that his field behaviour won’t wash.

Q waits for silence to settle between them before he speaks again.

“My identity doesn’t have to be a highly classified secret - not amongst those I work closely with - and I should probably tell you now that R knows my real name. I just prefer it if no one else does.”

“Not even on holiday?”

“James,” Q warns gently, even though he knows he’s only teasing.

“Q.” He manages to say his assigned letter like it’s a whole word. Q isn’t unaffected by this.

“All cards and ID I have with me are in the same name and are all perfectly valid.” He deliberately avoids telling James if it’s his name or an alias.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Q smiles again at the warmth in James’ tone and turns to look out the window with intent. He wouldn’t mind if James knows his real name at some point. He just can’t - and won’t - give it to him now.

The drive is long but not unbearable, just under two hours if traffic stays quiet and it usually does at this time of year (late March on a Tuesday morning).

“Have you booked the ferry?”

Bond laughs. “Of course, Q. I’m pretty sure we can’t just show up. And as much as I’m sure it has a lot to offer - I don’t want to spend my afternoon in Southampton if I can help it.”

***

Q has his laptop bag secured over his shoulder and is sat on the delightful salmon pink seats looking out at the view through the large windows at the front of the Ferry. Inside it’s clean, pleasant and moderately quiet. James had tried to persuade him to come up on the deck but it’s cold and windy out there and he can see well enough down here.

“Here,” James says, sitting down next to him and handing him a cup of tea.

“Thank you.” It warms his hands - though they aren’t really cold - and stops him from reaching for the man sitting at his side. He really, really wants to and even suspects that James is waiting for him to do so. It was just much easier when they were leaving Q branch than it is now.

“You will soon be able to to add seeing James Bond in a supermarket to your photo album,” James says quietly.

“Oh?”

“The cottage is self catered and we need food and supplies.”

“You seem far too happy about this. Is M paying?”

“He doesn’t need to.”

Q smiles and shakes his head. “That’s fine. Can you cook?”

“Yes. Can you?” James asks without missing a beat.

“If I need to.”

“Hm. We are not just filling the fridge with ready meals.”

“Of course not. There are plenty of restaurants and cafes on the island.”

James looks at bit surprised. “We can’t eat out every night. It’ll get boring.”

“Hmm, I suppose that’s true. Still, unless you really do have more qualifications than Barbie - don’t look at me like that - I doubt we’ll need to shop to the Michelin standard of food you’re so accustomed to.”

“My helicopter license has proven very useful,” James says in response, fighting a little to keep from laughing.

“Yes, I am well aware of that. Anyway, Waitrose is next to the ferry port. It’s probably suitable for your needs.”

“My needs?”

“By appointment of HRH.”

Bond huffs out a laugh at last and leans back. He’s close enough that their arms are pressed together and Q finally - finally - drops his left hand from the cup and rests it palm up on his knee. James slides his fingers between Q’s and holds on, smiling as Q blushes and sips his tea.

“Q?” James asks after a while.

“Yes?”

“How many tourist guides did you pick up?”

“All of them.” They’re poking out the front pocket of his bag.

“If I was here with anyone else I’d reming them that wifi exists on the Isle of Wight, but you could probably access the internet from anywhere, with almost anything.”

“This is nicer.”

“I just didn’t expect it.”

“You’ve seen my lab and though it might be a bit of a mess at the moment, I will likely always have books piled up all over the place. I’m also certain you’ve now seen my home-office-come-library. Books have their place along side technology. It’s short sighted to discard one for the other.”

“And tourist brochures are included.” James looks pleasantly amused.

“Yes. Besides, I wasn’t sure whether or not you’d need them. I’m wary of letting you anywhere near my tablet, laptop or my phone. I’d like them back not only in one piece but also fully functioning, I’m not sure you can manage that.”

“The watch was meant to do that. And you practically handed me the keys to the DB10, though you could have loaded it first,” he says quietly and Q can tell he isn’t serious about the last part.

“Well, yes. I made it for you and I ran out of time. I thought you’d get more use out of the atmosphere.” He doesn’t need to remind him how annoyed he was to find out it’s fate, but fully bullet proof, ejector seat _and_ watertight was a bit too much to accomplish. He is still rather pleased with the flame throwers. “And at least you tested it thoroughly. The data has been recovered along with the car.” He keeps his voice very low as he speaks; knowing they aren’t being listened to isn’t enough reason to break a good habit.

“Of course it has.” James squeezes his fingers gently and rubs his thumb over the back of Q’s hand. It feels delightful and he lets a pleased sigh escape as he echoes the motion on Bond’s skin. The man at his side visibly relaxes. Surprised and heartened by it, Q shuffles down a bit on the seat and rests his head on James’ shoulder and he smiles - wide and happy - when he feels kisses pressed into his hair.

They have about twenty minutes until they’re called back into their car and Q will happily stay like this until they have to move. Even if it means drinking his tea is slightly trickier.

***

They shop and Q takes pictures, then they head back to the car. Q doesn't really know where they’re going but he doesn’t particularly care.

“Have you been here before?” he asks.

“Yes, a few times but not to this cottage.”

“So we’re going based on a recommendation?”

“And guarantee of security, yes. Though I should probably warn you, there are cats.”

Q smiles. “Feynman and Tesla will get jealous.”

“They aren’t allowed in the cottage so we should be fine but I’ve been told they prefer to be out doors anyway and we might not see them much.”

Q nods but thinks it might be nice to have some feline company, even if only briefly.

The drive isn’t long - 30 minutes at most - and only then because of mid afternoon traffic in Newport town centre, and road works.

They drive along a long residential road, hills coming into view on their left, and they drive past an intersection so steep on that side that Q is relieved when they keep going forwards.

They drive on for a little while longer and turn off the road straight onto a large gravelled drive with a small woodland garden to their left.

In front of them sits a large cottage with two floors. The roof is thatched, and above it - further up the hill - is a larger farm house. Behind and between the two houses are fields and the whole place is very, very much not what he was expecting.

“It’s out of the way enough not to attract too much attention but close to the main road. Wifi, telephone line, and you have full permission to secure it to your hearts content. The owner won’t mind.”

“Do they live in the main house?”

“Yes, they’ll be back next Friday but they’ve told me where the keys are and the code to get to them.”

“Right, good.”

James smiles and heads off to somewhere in the woodland garden to get the keys and Q takes another moment to look around. There isn’t much left to do but unpack the car and head inside.

***

“It’s… quaint,” Q remarks, as they put everything away in the kitchen.

“You don’t like it?”

“I didn’t say that. You’ve seen my house. I just didn’t expect you’d want to stay somewhere like this,” Q admits.

“Ah. Well, we’re going to be here for a while so I’d rather be somewhere we can both be comfortable, and my flat isn’t exactly modern.”

“Or correctly furnished, apparently.” Moneypenny and now M have both commented on it so it must be true.

James just shrugs and goes back to checking where everything is in the the different cupboards.

It’s about three in the afternoon by the time they’ve sorted out the kitchen and Q has walked around the entire cottage. There are two bedrooms, two bathrooms - one upstairs with a bath and one downstairs with a shower - kitchen, large front room and a reading room that leads onto a patio past the downstairs bathroom… and…Two bedrooms.

Q leaves his suitcase and bag next to James’ at the bottom of the stairs.

He then pulls out his laptop and portable security kit and spends an hour or so setting everything up, linking the car and making sure everything connects to his phone.

James leaves him to it but provides company and tea.

“Happy?” he asks, once Q closes his laptop and puts his phone back in his pocket.

“Yes. I doubt we’re at too much of a risk but I’ve set everything up like a temporary safe house just incase.”

“Good.”

Q nods and James grins.

“The trees in the garden don’t pose a threat and I can see all perimeter walls without need for additional equipment. Though, no one can go past the patio without tripping the alarm, and you will need this,” Q says, handing him a key fob.

“Attach it you your keys. I’ve sorted mine out already but please set it to your finger prints first.

Bond does so, unable to hide his amusement.

“Anything else?” he asks.

“Please don’t lose it. It’s useless to anyone else and I have one as well but please? For the sake of our key deposit and my sanity.”

“It’s attached.” He stores his keys safely in his trouser pocket, making sure Q watches as he does.

Q just rolls his eyes in fond exasperation.

“I’ve also set automatic locks on all the doors but I’d prefer if we also use the original house locks as well. If you want it I can also give you access on your phone - incase you need it.”

“Can I get in here without it?”

“Yes. As long as you have the key fob or me.”

“Hm. That’s fine then.”

“Are you sure, 007?” Q winces in apology before James can call him out on it.

“No, it’s fine. I understand,” James tells him. It’s not as if they’ve spent much time outside of a work environment together before.

Q hopes he doesn’t slip up too often while they’re here. He needs to be able to separate the two in his mind, though he knows he shouldn’t worry. At 6am that morning he was sitting in his lab ignoring the hopeless thoughts that the man across from him was gone forever.

“Right. Well. What do we do now?” Q asks.

“Get changed and head out? There’s a nice pub restaurant down by the quay side in Newport. Very good food.”

“Alright. Let me pack everything away and get changed.”

James takes his suitcase upstairs and gets himself ready while Q puts away all the extra equipment into it’s box then into his bag.

Then he just stands and stares at his suitcase.

James walks down the stairs, already redressed and looking as handsome as ever in a light grey suit, blue shirt and dark green jumper. No tie and the top two buttons are undone. He manages to look casual and almost - though not quite - unassuming.

“I’m not presumptuous enough to assume you want to share a bedroom, Q. The master bedroom is yours if you want it. My things are in the second bedroom.”

“And if I decide later on that I do want to?”

James’ mouth tilts up in a one sided smile and Q’s heart flutters.

“Then I’ll move my things.”

“Right.” Q grabs his suitcase, heads up the dark wood staircase, turns left along the open landing, and heads into the master bedroom.

It’s light, airy and feels welcoming: Large bed facing the windows that look out over the fields and hills across the road, past the garden and boundary wall.

A large pine dresser stands to the left of the windows, there is a fireplace on the wall adjacent with bare stone running up the chimney whilst the walls are a lovely pale cream in the rest of the room. It reminds him of the colour of parchment and he smiles at the comforting atmosphere the room has.

There are bedside tables in the same wood as the dresser on each side of the bed with lamps sat on top of each. The room also comes with an airing cupboard complete with a boiler that also acts as a wardrobe or, in this case, an actual closet. It’s novel and a bit exciting. For Q anyway.

He unpacks speedily - just so that his things don’t crease too badly, and ops for a new shirt, navy jumper and grey suit jacket. He grabs his scarf as an after thought and hides his laptop carefully. He leaves once he’s happy it’s tidy and organised enough and heads down stairs.

“Are you actually reading that?” he asks, seeing Bond sat on one of the large, plush sofas.

“I was, yes.” He slips one of the leaflets Q collected earlier between the pages and leaves it on the table.

“Sorry, just surprised.”

“You’ve been upstairs for over half an hour, I had to do something.”

“Hm. Good to know you have actual hobbies,” Q remarks with a smile.

“Good to know you’re unpacked and settled in.” But James sounds nervous, uncertain.

Q looks at James for several long moments.

“I prefer not to live out of a suitcase when I’m staying somewhere for more than a few days,” he says. Careful to let his tone sound serious. “James, is everything okay?”  
The use of his first name seems to settle him and he nods, coming to stand before Q.

“It is.” He doesn’t offer any other explanation but Q thinks he might understand.

Maybe, just maybe, James hand’t understood how much he really meant to Q before that morning. Maybe in someway, things have been the same for them both.

“Shall we?” Q offers his arm and James takes it with a warm chuckle. It is an overly formal gesture - and one more suited to a ball - but it brings levity to the situation and Q laughs as they lock up behind them, and James opens the car door for him with a bow and a wink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I absolutely love the Isle of Wight and thus a lot of the places they are going to visit are places I've been to at one point or another. Including the cottage, though I've changed the location of it on the Island :)  
> I do have a whole load of photos I took on my most recent holiday there (I started writing this March 2016) in June of this year (2017) and I can post them to my tumblr if people are interested?


	3. Quay and Bay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Q doesn’t miss the beauty of the blaze of colours upon the water but it’s not as important as the hand he holds within his._

They Quayside pub and restaurant is a short drive away, quiet and nicely situated with a view over the Quay and the boats docked there. The tide is fairly far out, leaving one or two boats sitting on the mudbank below until it comes back in.

The spring breeze is cool - but not cold enough to freeze - and what boats are on the water move gently with it.

“What do you think?” James asks. He’s stood at Q’s side, close but not touching.

Q takes his hand and feels - again - Bond’s immediate relief and firm squeeze.

“You can reach for me, you know,” Q says gently. 

“Not everyone likes public display of affection,” James replies.

“Well, hand holding is fine,” Q says, shuffling close enough to press their arms together. “I’ll tell you if something isn’t.”

Bond gives him a small smile. “I think I’m just surprised that you said yes.”

“Ah. Well, I did, and you promised me dinner. It may have taken me a while to agree but they might think it’s a bit strange if we keep standing here.”

“No one’s at the door, they’ll wait for us to go in.”

“Well, lets go then. We can stand outside and stare later, or sit by the window. They have a beer garden too, we could sit outside,” he says, trying not to sound too eager. He would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t looking forwards to dinner.

James smiles. “I’d rather avoid the smokers.”

“Window seat it is then, come on,” Q says, tugging on his hand but not letting go. That would rather defeat the point.

Q takes them in, gets a table in a quiet area of the restaurant - at a large window overlooking the Quay. The way the place is set out means that all the tables around the outside have their own private areas, Q also checks a few things on his phone to make sure they’re not being recorded or listened to.

James notices this and chuckles, he reaches for Q’s hand across the table. Q gives it to him.

“Put it away,” he says fondly and Q does, happy to know that they are very much alone.

They order when the server comes over, and sip their drinks. James seems content and Q is comforted to see it.

He’s always known James is complicated and a very private man but it seems as though his guard is down, just a little, just enough for Q to see the man underneath. The same man he caught a glimpse of very early that morning, stood within Q Branch looking for all the world like he’d made a very big mistake and didn’t know how to fix it. 

James looks less wary now, more certain that Q wants to be there. Q, for his part, can’t imagine being anywhere else.

“Have I stopped you taking a more exotic holiday?” he asks with a smile, after the silence stretches too long.

James huffs out a small laugh of surprise. 

“No, I would probably have come here on my own if you’d said no.” James looks up at him and chuckles at the surprise he can see on his face. “It’s been a few years since I was last here and this is the first time I’ve had company. I’ve always come on my own.” Bond waits until Q nods in understanding before he continues. “It’s like an island out of time yet also relatively up to date.”

“Relatively, yes.” Q smiles. “And I wouldn’t have minded if you had been here with anyone else.”

Bond’s smile is a bit strained. “I thought it was best to clarify. Just in case.”

“Thank you… but your past is yours.”

He looks up to find James staring at him and looking faintly surprised.

“It doesn’t bother you at all?”

“That depends on the exact part of it you mean. But I think we covered most of this this morning. Even if it did bother me, I wouldn’t have a right to be so affected by it.” He bites his lip and gives James an apologetic smile. “I am selfishly relieved to be the first person you’ve brought. Or did everyone else say no?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever thought to ask anyone else, not to come here, anyway.”

Their food arrives shortly after James’ admission and they eat in comfortable silence. Q only spares a moments thought as to whether or not the food is up to James’ usual standard because he’s clearly been here before and chosen to come back. He wouldn’t take Q anywhere he didn’t like. 

“Wait, you’ve been here before but you didn’t know about the Waitrose?”

“It wasn’t here last time.”

“Oh, I suppose not.” He pauses. “How long is a few years?”

“Long enough.” James’ eyes belay a sadness his expression tries to hide, so Q doesn’t push him.

Sometime during their dessert Q slides a leg between James’ and watches as fond amusement blooms on his face. James rubs their legs together and shakes his head, smiling at Q between mouthfuls of sticky toffee pudding.

***

“What’s next?” Q asks as he pulls the passenger side shut. It’s still early, the clock in the car shows just past 19:30.

“That depends,” James tells him, starting the car but not moving to pull out of the space.

“On?”

“Whether you prefer long walks on a beach or long drives.”

Q smiles and then laughs when he sees James’ expression.

“So you don’t just want to go home and look through all of your brochures and leaflets and plan our itinerary?” James asks, amused.

“It doesn’t sound like the most exciting end to a date but we could. I was going to spend tomorrow doing all the planning, there is certainly a lot to do. I’d rather not burn myself out before we’ve gotten started.”

James is smiling at him with the same small quirk of his mouth and eyes crinkling at the edges that makes Q want to kiss him. 

He doesn’t. But he really, really wants to.

“I think I know where we should go, it’s not too far.”

Q nods but then realises James has been driving all day.

“I can drive, you know.”

James looks surprised.

“Who do you think checks the cars?” Q asks, surprised and amused.

“It’s never occurred to me,” James admits. 

Q huffs out a laugh. “I’d rather not drive - at all - if I have a choice, but I can.”

James nods. “Good to know, but I’ll be fine this evening. Your other coat is in the boot, you might need it.”

Q smiles and doesn’t ask any questions, he just sits back and lets James drive.

***

“Fresh Water Bay,” James announces as they head out of the small carpark and cross the road. “It used to be quiet here all year round but it’s been busier since the last time I was here. They built a shop and started to advertise.”

“Yet still quiet in March,” Q says.

James chuckles. “Yes.”

The bay is a pebble beach, clear blue water fades to a darker green the further out it goes. The sides of the bay close in a little but it’s a big enough area, not small by any means. To their left there’s a series of steps where people brave enough can climb to the top of the cliff, and to the right, where the cliffs are sharper, there’s a pub and a hotel.

Along the top (where they are) there’s a long concrete paved area with steps leading down to the beach every now and again. The shop is near the path to the left and a large boat ramp leads all the way down to the water - it’s a lifeboat launch, Q realises as he notices the sign above the closed shop door.

“It’s also very cold,” Q adds, very glad he changed into his warmer coat.

“We don’t have to stay here,” James tells him, Q reaches for his hand.

“It’s lovely and I’m glad it’s quite. We should sit in the shelter, I’m not sure how well my shoes will cope with pebbles. Next time I’ll bring my boots.”

James lets Q lead the way. It’s really just a long bench in a wind shelter but It’s been painted white and along the back wall - above the bench - is a beautiful mosaic of fish and birds made with iridescent tile pieces. It does offer some protection from the wind and it’s enough for Q to settle and stop shivering.

Q isn’t usually a fan of sitting down and taking in a view. There are exceptions - holidays being one of them - but right now, he’s more concerned with the man at his side… He just isn’t sure how to start a conversation or if he should.

Bond keeps looking at Q (when he thinks he won’t notice) as though he’s surprised he’s still with him and it’s odd. Q is the one who should be disbelieving and surprised. On top of all that, this morning he told James Bond - JAMES BOND - that he loves him.

Yet, James looks like he can’t quite believe it and Q doesn’t know what to say or how to reassure him. 

He’s also not sure that it has anything to do with James’ current behaviour or silence. They don’t know each other well enough to read or understand their actions to a high enough personal level at the moment.

The sun sets as they watch and the sky turns quickly to night. Q doesn’t miss the beauty of the blaze of colours upon the water but it’s not as important as the hand he holds within his.

James - when Q chances a glance - seems to have gone down with the sun. He’s far away. Q can’t even guess where or what he’s seeing, he just hopes James comes back to himself before it gets too cold to stay where they are. 

“Q?” James asks after another long period of silence. The stars are coming out and the hotel lights are all now lit.

“Yes?”

“Can anyone hear or see us?”

He digs out his phone and checks.

“Only passers by and only if they get close enough.”

“Good.”

Q puts his phone away and tries to settle back and listen to the tide as he takes in the view.

“James?” he asks at last.

“Q.”

“Do you want to go back?”

“No.”

“Okay, then.” It’s getting colder so Q slips his free hand into his pocket and moves closer to James. He gets the feeling that he could ask James to take him back to the cottage and he would oblige him, but in truth Q will sit here all night if James needs him to. Even if he’s half frozen by the end of it.

James deserves peace after so much pain and suffering over the past few weeks… years, truthfully.

“It’s actually salt water,” James says a little while later.

Q laughs - he can’t help it - shorting and covering his mouth with his free hand.

The smile on James’ face at the sight is welcome and some what heartwarming.

When Q has calmed down and can breath without choking or shorting, he leans over and kisses James on the cheek. It’s impulsive but, though he darts away quickly, he doesn’t regret it.

James - surprised and smug - leans close and kisses him chaste on the cheek, then lips. Q - who has wanted to kiss him on and off since walking out of his lab that morning - presses back and parts his lips just a little, just enough for James to get the message and deepen their kiss.

He’s not so much tentative as gentle, genuine in his affection but trying not to overwhelm. James could do that very easily and Q would fall into him and get lost in it. 

But this gentle and mutual exploration is good, Q’s heart is fluttering and warm tingles cover him all over. James’ free hand runs through Q’s hair, and as they part Q sighs softly and lets his head drop to James’ shoulder, delighted when James’ hands stay right where they are.

“Just incase you were wondering, I had realised that it’s fresh water in name rather than description, but thank you for the clarification.”

James laughs quietly, shoulders jostling with the motion.

“I wasn’t sure, and thought it best to clarify,” James says and Q laughs again - a much softer and refined sound but it’s honest all the same.

“Come on,” James adds after a moment. “You’re probably freezing and it’s only going to get colder.”

Q agrees and James kisses his hair again before they stand to leave.

***

They sit - after Q has had a shower to wash off the days traveling and James has read more of his book - in a slightly awkward silence in the front room. The tv is on but neither is paying attention to whatever harmless nature documentary James has selected.

Q is sat with his laptop (and tea a safe distance away). He’s checking the set up in the cottage again, making sure it’s all as he wants it.

He pokes around online for a bit too, whilst James reads - or does a very good job of pretending to - across from him. He’s either giving Q space or internally giving himself space. They have a month, Q can worry about it tomorrow.

_‘It’s been a strange day.’_

“Hm? Yes, I suppose it has.”

“Shit. Did I just say that out loud?”

James smiles. “Yes.”

“Ah.” He sighs. “I only ever do so when I feel safe and secure enough to forget myself.”

“I should think so, given your position.” James’ tone is kind.

Q huffs out a laugh. “Yes. My cats sell my secrets to other agencies all over the world.”

“I wouldn’t have thought they’d risk it. I’ve seen whats become of people who’s behaviour you disapprove of.”

Q smiles at the memories of shared missions - a rare occasion though they are - in which Q rarely leaves his office whilst on comms with Bond, or the many occasions James has sat and watched him work because he was curious and bored.

He turns his attention briefly back to his laptop, checks everything again and then puts it to sleep. He reattaches the charger (downstairs charger - he brought three and James has been kind enough not to comment) and puts it on the bottom shelf on the living room table.

“Can I join you?” he asks, standing.

James nods and extends one arm to allow Q to sit comfortably at his side, rest his head on James’ chest and tucks his legs up besides him.

When he feels James’ arm close around him he breathes out a long and contented sigh.

James chuckles and ruffles Q’s hair.

“Do you miss them?” James asks, not looking up from the book he’s holding open with his right hand.

“Who?”

“Feynman and Tesla.”

“Yes. I’m not using you as a substitute, just incase you were wondering.”

“I didn’t think you were. I’ve just noticed you looking for them, expecting them to be here.”

“I thought you were reading.”

“I can do both.”

Q nudges his nose against James’ chest. “I would hope so, 007 - sorry, force of habit.”

“It’s fine. I’m just relieved it’s a title that’s still mine,” James admits.

“It’s well earned.” Q means it.

“And well defended.”

Q smiles. “Where would I and Q Branch be without you destroying equipment and keeping us in a job?”

James chuckles. “That almost sounds like permission.”

“It isn’t,” Q chides.

“I do try.”

“Hm, well, I suppose it’s the thought that counts. How’s the new watch, by the way?”

“It tells the time,” James tells him with a flick of his wrist.

Q chuckles softly. “Good. It is the most important feature.” He yawns, blinking sleepy tears from his eyes. “Everything is securely locked down for the night, including the manual locks and my security system.”

“Thank you, Q,” James says softly. He doesn’t remind him - as he did when he watched him lock everything down before his shower - that he’d probably gone overboard. He understands why Q needs to.

Q yawns again but makes no move to get up. The question of who sleeps where seems to grow larger and more important in his mind… despite his age and position, he feels embarrassed by the whole situation.

“If you fall asleep I will carry you to bed.”

“That sounds like an incentive.”

“Q,” James warns gently.

“James.”

“Be careful, Quartermaster, that almost sounds like an invitation.”

“I think it was.”

James’ hands on his shoulder - and the book - still.

“Do you think after this morning and today that I’m going to be able to sleep knowing you’re at the other end of the hall?” Q asks quietly. He’s admitting the truth to himself at the same time.

“I don’t know.”

“I can barely shut down my brain well enough to sleep most of the time. You are right about the cats; they do help.”

“So… you want me to share your bed so you can sleep better?” James asks carefully.

“Not, not like that, no. I’ll sleep better because you’ll be there and not along a corridor when you could be with me.” Not for the first time that day, Q knows how much of himself he is exposing but this is as much for James as for himself.

“Could?” James says after a moments silence.

“Should seemed both too presumptuous and pushy,” Q admits, more serious than perhaps he’d intended.

“I accept. For tonight.” He closes the book after Q passes him his leaflet/bookmark. 

“Just incase it turns out I hog the duvet or snore?”

James doesn’t answer but the implication is clear in the way he looks at Q. _Incase Q is the one to change his mind._

“James?”

“Yes, Q?”

“Does the offer to carry me apply only if I fall asleep here?”

James chuckles. “Yes.”

“Ah.”

“Grab your laptop, I’ll meet you upstairs in a few minutes.” He kisses Q’s hair and squeezes his shoulder, before letting Q stand. His hand lingers on Q’s wrist.

Q smiles, nods and does just that, though he steps up into the kitchen to leave his mug in the sink.

By the time he’s upstairs he hears James close the door to the downstairs bathroom. They seem to have assigned themselves one each but the bath and shower are still fair game.

Q shrugs and starts to sort everything out in his room. Some things are better organised on the first day.

***

Q gets himself settled under the blue and white duvet. The bed is comfortable and he’s amused by the beside lamps; they look old and traditional but they’re tap-to-activate with multiple brightness settings.

He’s left his door open - very much deliberately - and spends his time on this tablet going through designs and ideas. Most of them are rough sketches and ideas for things that make no sense out of context or are entirely unrelated to work. He’s always careful - more so as time goes on - to make sure that he can delete everything with a single command if he needs to.

Eventually he’s joined by a freshly showered and pyjama’d James Bond - Loose charcoal bottoms and an old white tee shirt. 

He walks in, closes the door behind him and walks around to the other side of the bed. He’s carrying a few things - including his phone and gun case - which he puts away and organises to his liking. He puts his phone on charge and sets his watch next to it then finally gets into bed.

Q locks his tablet and slips it into his top drawer, shuffles down underneath the covers and gets comfy.

James, however, just lies there, not moving.

“You can read, if you want to. I’ll turn over,” he offers.

“You are very calm about all of this, Q.”

“Should I be panicking? I’m fairly sure whatever is left of my virtue,” he says the word with distaste. “Is as safe as I want it to be.” He yawns, turning his face against his pillow, and glad he’d already removed his glasses.

James, who has been watching him carefully, reaches out to touch Q’s face.

“You look different without your glasses.”

“Younger or older?”

“There is no safe way to answer that. I just mean different.” 

James cups his cheek and moves closer. Q moves forwards, letting out a happy sigh when James kisses him and holds him close. Fresh tingles spread wherever they are touching and Q slides his arm around James’ back to hold on.

Q _wants_ but he doesn’t push for anything more. It is not a good idea to jump straight into a sexual relationship on their first night. It doesn’t matter how long he’s loved him or how long they’ve known each other.

The kiss comes to its own natural conclusion; small kisses against lips, slow and lovely presses against skin, neck, cheek… Q yawns again and James pulls him against him with a gruff laugh.

“You can sleep,” he says softly.

“Hmm. Yes, I think I can.” And shortly after, exhausted but at peace, Q does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who has read any of my 00Qsper stuff... I actually wrote this first.
> 
> Pictures for these locations can be found [Here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com/post/167241000798/my-photos-from-my-holiday-to-the-isle-of-wight) on my Tumblr!! (many thanks to **JuJuBee** for requesting to see them!!)


	4. Planning the holiday itinerary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He’s put all the leaflets out and arranged them around a map of the island so that they are organised by location as well._

By morning, James’ hold on Q has tightened and not, as he had expected, lessened.

It quickly becomes apparent when his arms loosen that he’s realised Q is awake, or waking up. He seems to have underestimated just how alert Q is first thing in the morning and Q doesn’t quite know what to think about that. He feels his heart break a little for James and wishes he’d woken up a few minutes later…. or that he knew how to communicate to James that he could do that whilst he’s awake.

He can’t; James would likely bolt or put his guard back up.

After a few minutes of not-quite-comfortable silence, Q wriggles in James’ arms and settles back into the position he’d been in before he fell asleep. He burrows his face into James’ neck and breathes in deeply.

James’ arms freeze then pull tighter, and Q breathes out against his skin, feeling James shudder as he does.

Q takes a whole moment to consider whether to get up and make breakfast or to press his mouth to James’ neck and see how long it takes him to put him on his back.

In the end he chooses neither. James is clearly working through something and Q would get embarrassed very quickly if anything more were to happen.

He keeps his hand tight on James’ shoulder but keeps enough distance between them below the waist to avoid any discomfort. He just breathes in and out, slowly and carefully, and relaxes into the arms holding him tight and close.

It’s still strange and still very new but it feels so delightful and wonderful that Q doesn’t want to let it go.

“Q?” James asks after a while.

“Hm, yes?”

“Breakfast?”

“Yes, please.”

James laughs against his hair. “It wasn’t an offer to make it.”

“It sounded like one.”

“Come on, you can make the tea and I’ll handle the rest.”

“I never get to lie in,” Q complains, but he rises with James and lulls against him.

“It’s past nine, that’s a lie in for you, surely.”

“I suppose,” he grumbles.

“What do you normally do on your days off?”

“Make the most of it.”

James rubs his hands up and down his back and kisses his hair.

“Downstairs, half an hour,” James says and Q nods against his chest.

James stands and Q follows him out of the bedroom and leaves him at the bathroom door.

“Half an hour,” he agrees, closing the door behind him.

***

A domestic Bond is, Q realises, just as capable at making him weak at the knees as any other side of him.

“Stop staring and put the kettle on,” James says, clearly amused.

Q pads across the cool tile floor and flicks the switch on the kettle James has already filled.

The kitchen is large, with a six seater table towards the middle of the room. Across from where they’re stood is the sink, washing machine and dish washer, and on their side are all the cabinets, the fridge and the oven. Large windows look out onto the garden from the sink and the connecting wall that looks out on the back of the cottage.

Q likes it, but he likes it more because he knows it’s as secure as he can make it.

He makes tea whilst James scrambles eggs and makes toast. It’s good, more so because of the novelty of it being the two of them alone.

“Right,” Q says, pushing his plate away. “Time to plan.”

“You’re serious.” James looks a little disbelieving.

“Of course I’m serious. You don’t have to join me, I won’t keep you if you have something else you want to do today.”

“And miss a chance to have my say? We could end up anywhere.”

Q laughs and gives in, not that he minds at all, but he can tell that there’s more to it than that. He doesn’t push or call James out on it because it’s clear that he doesn’t want to be alone, and Q is more than happy to oblige him.

***

“This is… very organised,” James remarks, sliding down onto the floor next to Q. “You don’t have to sit here though, the kitchen table is clear.”

Q smiles and shakes his head. “I’m fine here, I have everything I need.” He’s put all the leaflets out and arranged them around a map of the island so that they are organised by location as well. Beside that is his tablet but also a notepad, pencil and paper. “I want to do this properly.”

“On paper?”

“Yes. More permanent… and it makes us look like holiday makers.” Plus he enjoys it.

“Being here for a month might test that assumption,” James says.

“Not if we have a cover story.”

“Go on.”

“Stressed London city workers who need to take some time out.”

“Hm, we finally realised we need to give ourselves - and each other - more attention than our work for a change,” James adds, pressing his leg against Q’s. “And you’re terrified of flying so anywhere more exotic was out of the question.”

Q turns and smiles at James. “Exactly.”

“So, our cover is the truth?” He looks please, if amused. Blue eyes lit up and his whole expression is much more relaxed than Q has seen in months.

“There or there abouts, yes.” Q reaches for his jacket, that he’d left over the side of the sofa, and pulls out his wallet from the inner pocket.

He takes a deep breath and pulls out a bank card, deliberately covering it with his fingers.

“Q,” James says, covering Q’s hand with his own. “I don’t need to know this or any other identity you’ve brought with you unless you want me to.”

“I know. But I’ve been thinking about it and for some of these places you need to give a name or book in advance. I don’t want to make things awkward.”

“I could call you something else. Sweetheart?” Q pulls a face and James laughs. “Darling?” Q looks as impressed. “Honey? Love Muffin?”

Q is laughing hard again, snorting softly and trying to hide his embarrassment. Not easy when they’re sitting so close and James has both of his hands wrapped around Q’s.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with the first two names, but they feel odd when applied to him. Strange and as though they don’t fit yet…. there is time for that to change but for now, James needs to know what to call him.

“Love muffin?” he asks, in an attempt to stop the mood from plummeting.

James shrugs, he’s smiling. “I don’t know what else to suggest.”

“Then accept the name on the card or don’t use any,” Q says softly.

“Q, I’m horrible at remembering or using alias’.”

“I know.” He does, he’s heard M complain to no end about it. “But please, just incase?”

James’ hand loosens over Q’s and he takes the card, studies it for a moment, runs his fingers along the name and then hands it back.  
His fingers brush Q’s and he leans closer, pressing his lips just above the neckline of his shirt.

“Thank you, Q,” James says, and it’s like a shock of heat is pressed against his skin, shooting down and along his neck and chest… all the way out to his finger tips. He’s overcome and forgets - for a moment - how to breathe.

James doesn’t move but it doesn’t matter, Q is so hyper-aware of him that it’s like his skin is burning where he touches him and it is so, so good.

“James?” he says as best he can.

“Yes, Q?” his lips move against his skin and the sparks shoot out again.

Q drops the card and wallet to the table and turns, giving James no choice but to move. He meets his eyes and leans forwards, pressing his lips softly against James’ in a kiss. _‘Please,’_ he’s asking silently. He wants… but he doesn’t know how.

James smiles against his lips and parts them, one hand comes up to support Q’s head and the other slips to his lower back to pull him close.

Q follows his lead, lets his tongue swipe inside, follows it back again and tilts his head to fit their mouths together better. He breathes through his nose as well as he can, to make sure he can keep feeling like this, to keep James warm against his side and kissing him.

Q has one hand on James’ neck and the other part way along his back. He wants - very much - to crawl into his lap and stay there, but James makes no move to do so and Q doesn’t want to push.

When they finally move apart enough to breath properly, Q buries his face into James’ shoulder, his glasses awkwardly pressing into his cheeks and nose. He’s looking down at James’ lap, trying to work out if he should, if he can… his legs feel like jelly and he’s still in his pyjamas; even with his long, thick jumper, he won’t be able to hide his reaction for long.

James, who seems to have noticed, breathes a laugh against Q’s hair.

“I can lift you.”

“Shut up.”

He takes that as permission and Q is lifted and - with more grace than he could have managed on his own - placed on James’ thighs with a careful distance between them.

Q takes a moment, surges forwards and meets James in another kiss. He’s still wary of pressing his crotch any further forwards but his arms are around James’ neck.

James’ left hand is pressed firm against his lower back, his right is buried in Q’s messy hair.

James breath is harsh against Q’s cheek, but his smile, when he pulls back is warm.

“What do you want, Q?” James asks with affection.

“I would have thought it was obvious,” he replies without thinking, because he does want it, he wants James.

But he meets his gaze and holds it, ice blue eyes staring intently into Q’s.

As a general rule he doesn’t enjoy this kind of intimacy, but with James it’s different. Especially now, after yesterday.

But Q can see a combination of hope, pain, affection, want, and sorrow that flickers through James eyes as though he can barely hold onto them or keep up. It’s a torrent of emotion that almost pulls Q along with it.

“James,” Q says quietly. “I want all of you, not just this.” He nods down to his lap then touches James’ mouth, then his forehead, then his heart. “But I’m not naïve. I won’t take anything you don’t want to give me, or that you can’t.”

“Q,” James says but he’s so quiet that he barely hears him, even this close. James breaks eye contact and pulls Q all the way against him and buries his face against his neck.

Q holds on, not sure what else he’s supposed to do, and he can’t deny how much he wants to bring him comfort; to ease the burden of his life even a little bit.

“Would you like me to get you something?” Q asks after a while. “Tea? Coffee? Something stronger?” He knows there are two bottles of scotch and at least one of brandy in the cupboard. He also knows that James has barely touched them since they arrived.

“Tea, please,” James says at last. “Then we should finish our itinerary.”

“Are you sure?” Q asks, sat back on James’ thighs.

James meets his eyes for a moment and nods, his guard is back up but Q thinks it’s to protect James as well as him.

“Yes. Once it’s all been sorted I think we should head out.”

“Anywhere in particular?”

“No. Just a change of scenery.”

Q stands when James’ hands drop from him, but he kisses James’ hair before standing - an action that gets him a look and a smile.

***

It’s just past five in the evening when they get to Freshwater Bay. They stop for fish and chips on the way at a place Q had noticed the day before.

He’s the one driving this time, which is why they’ve ended up here rather than anywhere else. He knows the way and after a day of staring at maps and scheduling everything they could think of… he wanted the peace of the ocean.

He didn’t miss the tension drain from James’ shoulders when he parked up the car so he knows it’s the right choice.

They head to the same sheltered bench and sit in companionable silence. Tea in a large thermos flask is next to Q, and their legs are pressed together.

“Can anyone hear or see us?” James asks.

Q wipes his fingers on the napkin tucked under the chips and gets out his phone.

“No, all clear. There’s no one in the vicinity and no monitoring devices.”

“Good.”

Q nods, puts his phone away and dips his chips into the pot of curry sauce he’s put in the middle of them. They aren’t the best he’s ever eaten but they’re good. And quite honestly, he can’t remember the last time he sat at the beach eating fish and chips before this holiday.

“This all feels, well, terribly British,” he comments.

“When in Rome.”

Q huffs, amused. “I suppose.” He keeps eating, expecting another night like the one before and finds he really doesn’t mind.

It’s not as if the time away isn’t good for him; planning their time here has been therapeutic and for now, though he's worried about James, he isn’t at the point of letting it consume him. James has not fallen back into heavy drinking habits - Q was concerned that the dealings with Spectre would undo the good progress had made over the last two years - and he’s actually reaching out to him, trying to explain rather than hiding away.

“Madeline asked me if I had a choice, and time to think, what life would I choose,” James tells him quietly.

His words carry clearly to Q, but the sounds of the waves crashing against the pebbled beach are still loud in the night.

“But the thing is,” James continues. “I honestly don’t ever remember there being much of a choice at all.” He takes a long drink of tea from the cup at his side. “Or maybe that’s the point. I don’t remember wanting to do or be anything else. With one exception. I know you know about her and I mentioned it yesterday but apparently, for the first time, I want to talk about her.”

“Alright.”

“Are you sure?” James asks and Q tries to concentrate on the waves.

“Yes.” Though he suddenly feels very hot all over and his heart is pounding.

“Q?”

He swallows. “I’ve read your file and the report from M, your M.”

“There’s a report?” James sounds genuinely surprised.

“You must have read it, surely.”

“No. I hadn’t hacked her account for a while, at least not to look at mission reports or evaluations.”

“Yes, I was warned about that too… even though you were technically dead when I was promoted, M still thought it best to brief me on certain… behaviours.”

“From what I hear, Silva was the last to get past your defences and that wasn’t your fault.” Q raises his eyebrows and turns to look at James. “M ordered you, and everyone - myself included - went along with it.”

“Yes, quite. That’s what the final report said. Then I rewrote the entire systems defences away.” It helped to lessen the guilt. He knows somewhere deep down that it wasn’t really his fault but it’s a lesson well learnt.

“I know, I watched.”

“Yes,” Q says fondly, remembering. “You did. Or at least the final parts of it.”

“I brought you tea.”

“You did, yes.” For three whole days, three months after the Silva incident, Q had slept in the rooms set up for people too busy to leave whilst they changed everything over to the new system. Bond had shown up after a short mission and had just stayed nearby for three days, bringing Q tea and snacks.

Bill and Eve have both told Q of the times James has hovered around them too, but as time has gone on it’s been Q he prefers to stay close to.

And he kept trying to take him out to dinner.

Something is starting to dawn on Q but he puts it aside and finishes his chips, bundling everything up and putting it in the plastic bag he’d tied to the bench.

He pours himself more tea and holds it in his hands. He knows James will say what he needs to when he can, there’s no need for Q to push him.

“I loved her. Not immediately, but quickly enough. Smart, beautiful and, when I think back on it now, a sadness I couldn’t seem to soothe. There was a time when I thought I had… but even so.” He lets out a breath. “I would have left everything for her, even if she’d told me the truth, even if I’d know why. None of it would have stopped me because I loved her and I knew she loved me too.”

Q nods, remembering M’s words in Bond’s file. _‘He doesn’t make attachments very often. When he does he’ll go to the ends of the earth for them. Or to avenge them.’_ Her notes on the other Double-O’s were brief with little embellishment, but, though 007’s file wasn’t much longer, it got to the point rather quickly.

“I was angry. After. But mostly I was overcome with grief and rage because she hadn’t told me. She wanted to save me instead of allowing me to try and save us both.” The bitterness and regret are palpable in the evening air and Q can taste them so strongly that he’s hurting along with him; if only for an echo of the past.

“James,” he says quietly. “There was nothing you could have done…. the lift fell so fast-”

“No, no, Q. That’s not quite.. I left something out.”

 _‘Of course you did.’_ He wants to say. But instead he lets James find his own words.

“I got to her in time. We could have gotten out, escaped, faked our deaths… I had - have - money all over the place, in names my death didn’t erase, as well as everything that it did. Even back then I had enough, but she… Vesper…. locked the grate and let herself drown. By the time I’d pulled it open and broke the lock, she was already dead.”

Q can’t speak. No words come to him and he can’t move. He isn’t lacking in imagination and James’ words bring it to life behind his eyes. James didn’t just lose the woman he’d loved enough to leave with; he’d watched her leave him. Choice taken away and a sacrifice made that James hadn’t ever asked for.

He is sure that Vesper saw it as the only way out; her crimes were many. But he wonders if she either didn’t understand or understood perfectly just how far James would have gone for her.

 _‘Did go.’_ He left a trail of bodies and destruction in his wake, forcing his judgement on those who had wronged him and her.

Q didn’t know that James, even the rumours and information that would pass through Q Branch in his early days didn’t touch on it. Just his attitude and his abilities… but even that was secondary to the job they were all there to do.

“Q?”

He snaps his attention back to James. “Hm?” He takes another mouthful of tea and puts down his cup. It’s just light enough to see the pain and guilt etched into James’ blue eyes. “It wouldn’t, I suppose, help If I said it wasn’t your fault?” he offers gently.

“It doesn’t hurt.” The attempt at levity in James’ tone seems to help. So does - Q supposes - the years passed and revenge sought, but it doesn’t erase the ache and remorse that Q can see clearly.

“I don’t know what else I could say that would help you. I am sorry.” Because he is so, so sorry.

He knows that had things gone differently that James and Vesper would likely have stayed together - away from the rest of the world. He and Q would likely never have met but neither would have known anything else. James would have traveled with Vesper, and Q would have been MI6’s Quartermaster.

“Sometimes I’m so angry with her I can’t think… for her betrayal and the way she left, and others…. I remember how sad she looked when she didn’t know I could see her.”

Q takes a moment and a slow, steading breath, then says, “She did what she thought was best. From what I know she was under a great deal of pressure, and had been both manipulated and threatened. You’re right, I don’t think there is any doubt that she loved you; it’s just the only way out she could see.”

“Q?”

“Yes?”

James takes off his gloves, then Q’s glasses, and rubs his thumb under his eyes.

“You’re crying and you’re shaking.” James sounds like his heart is breaking all over again.

Q closes his eyes and tries to turn away, he hadn’t even noticed. “I’m sorry. This isn’t… I shouldn’t be… this isn’t about me.”

James doesn’t let go, holds on until Q relents, and James puts his glasses carefully back on.

“Q, I haven’t told anyone else - anyone - how Vesper died,” James says, his voice cracking on her name.

“Only me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Somehow, he thought M knew. “I… Bond… I…”

“It’s alright. I told you because you need to know about her, about how she died and why, and because I’m tired of it always being there; in the back of my mind,” James admits.

The hands on his face are warm and the contact is soothing. Q can only nod a small fraction, but he lifts up his hands and covers James’.

“Why now?”

“I’m not really a big fan of procrastination.” Q must look as convinced as he feels because James offers him a small smile. “Paperwork and unpacking my flat don’t count.” James closes his eyes and adds, “It’s been long enough and I’ve spent the last few weeks effectively banishing the ghosts of my past. I’ve already avenged her and I want to lay her to rest.”

“And have you?”

James waits a moment before answering. “Yes.”

“As long as….” he trails off. “As long as you know that you don’t need to forget her, or stop loving her.” The words burn Q’s throat as he speaks them but he finds himself reluctant to let James eradicate her from his life completely.

“I don’t think I will ever forget Vesper, but she’s gone and I have other things … other people to live for.”

Q nods, not sure what to say. He wants to know why he’s chosen to talk about this now, they’ve only been on the island for two days. James said he didn’t want it hanging over him…. it’s all very strange.

He also realises, as James meets his eyes again, that he had tried to tell him this yesterday evening but hadn’t been able to.

 _Just what did M say to him?_ Either that or he owes Madeline a deep and heartfelt thank you for starting to alleviate some of the pain often hidden behind James’ eyes.

James presses their foreheads together then slowly drops his hands. Q’s follow his automatically and after a moment James slides his arms around Q, holding him gently against his chest until Q falls into him.

They watch the waves fall against the shore and let the sounds overwhelm them both.

***

When they get back a couple of hours later, Q heads straight for the kettle after hanging up his grey wool coat, scarf and slipping off his shoes.

James eyes the cupboard in the kitchen whilst Q checks his phone.

“Eve wants me to confirm I’m not dead.”

“She knows you’re not. M will have told her you’re on holiday.”

“Hm… she does tend to subscribe to the idea that I don’t have a life outside of work.”

“Is there anyone who doesn’t?”

“Eve knows I take holiday but she thinks I lock myself away inside my house and work in my lab…. or, when we get time off at the same time, that R has dragged me away with her.”

“Are either of those things true?” James asks, looking genuinely curious.

“Not in the way you’re probably thinking, no. Everything I work on at home is more… whimsical, I suppose. I do have other hobbies. And normally, when I do get to go away with R, it’s to somewhere we both want to visit.”

“Hobbies?”

Q rolls his eyes at James’ smirk and puts tea leaves into an infuser, pours hot water into his mug, then adds the infuser - tapping out the air before leaving it to brew.

“Art galleries, museums, theatre, music, classical concerts and the cinema.” He turns to James. “You can’t tell me that this surprises you. We met at the National Gallery in front of one of my favourite paintings.”

His eyes widen. “You’re serious?”

“Yes.”

He adds milk to his tea then puts the rest of it back in the fridge. By the time he’s done, James still hasn’t made a reply.

“They told me I should choose somewhere secure as well as familiar. It was perfect,” Q offers in answer to James’ unspoken questions.

“I thought you’d either seen too many spy movies or were trying to make a point.” He looks amused and some of the light is coming back into his eyes. He still looks exhausted but Q thinks that he might always look like that with his guard down.

“Would you have preferred a park bench?”

“Do people still do that?” He looks vaguely horrified.

“Yes, all the time. Obviously not in MI6 but I know the other agencies do. It’s all keywords and ciphers. Very boring and almost utterly irrelevant.”

“Not a fan, then?”

Q glares over his tea mug, sipping slowly before curling his hands around it.

“Art calms my mind and Turner is one of my favourite painters. The Fighting Temeraire is one of my favourites, but I did choose it to serve another purpose.”

“By starting a conversation about an old warship?”

Q smiles. “It seemed appropriate. Eve shot you, I wanted a more… creative approach.” At the time he had been nervous, excited and ready for an argument about his capabilities. He - they both - were pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

“You are absolutely fascinating,” James tells him.

“Because I have hobbies?”

James smiles. “It’s certainly part of it, yes.”

Q takes another drink of his tea. “Hm. So, what should I tell Eve?”

James looks from Q’s phone - on the kitchen counter - to his face.

“Whatever you want.”

“Does she know you’re back?”

James gives him a crooked smile. “I didn’t leave.” He shakes his head at Q’s glare. “I don’t know what M has told her. You can let her know you’re safe. Can she track your phone?”

“No. M can, he has authorisation, but I’d know if he tried.”

James smiles and Q reaches for his phone.

 _‘I’m very much alive, Eve. On holiday.’_ He types, showing James once he’s sent it. “It will either convince her I’m safe and hiding in my lab, or, well, she has a good imagination.”

“How good?” James asks and moves to rest on the table just in front of Q.

“She’ll only suspect I’m with you if she knows you didn’t leave with Madeline. She likely thinks I’m wallowing in my own self pity with my cats.” He keeps his tone light but James still winces and quickly switches his attention to the cupboard again. “You can drink, you know.”

James snaps his eyes to Q’s.

Q meets him head on. “I have access to your medical evaluations. If you want a drink, you can have one. I’m not going to judge you.”

James sighs. “I wish it didn’t help.”

Q shrugs and drinks more of his tea.

James runs his fingers along the cupboard door but he doesn’t open it. Instead, he reaches behind Q, checks the water level and flicks the kettle back on.

“We bought the good stuff, I’d rather not waste it.”

“Help yourself to my tea, then,” Q says fondly.

James watches him for a moment, then, when he’s happy with what he finds, does just that.

Q shuffles along the counter to allow him access, and watches him. He knows these same hands have taken bombs, guns and people apart. So it’s a strange sort of privilege to watch him make tea.

“Now your grand master plan for our holiday is sorted, any plans for the evening?”

Q smiles. “What did you have in mind?”

“Anything that involves not moving from the sofa for at least the next few hours.”

Q’s smile is closed mouthed but a little cheeky.

James rolls his eyes and laughs.

“Find something you want to watch and get comfy,” he tells Q.

He does and - thankfully - James doesn’t complain about his choice.

The cottage has come stocked with a range of movies and series on DVD. There are a few Blu-rays too, though the latter always seem out of place in a cottage as old as this one. Even the wifi was a shock, though he’s happy about it and aware that James wouldn’t have taken him somewhere without it.

He hesitates a moment when he goes to sit down but James lifts his left arm up to the back of the sofa and Q smiles, settling down next to him and practically melting when James’ arm settles around his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to everyones comments and kudos - makes my week!!!
> 
> Given that the locations in this one are the same as previous, there are no new photos this chapter.


	5. Osbourne House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _James is always on alert, even when he doesn’t need to be. Q doesn’t know how field agents manage to do it._

“Bed?” Q asks after 4 episodes and a break for more tea.

James - who seems not to have noticed Q turning off the DVD player and switching to the news ten minutes ago - snaps his attention back when Q moves to sit up.

“Bed?” he asks again.

“Sorry, I…” James shrugs in apology and Q smiles at him, a soft, small gesture.

“It’s fine. It’s late and I’m guessing you didn’t sleep too well last night.”

“No,” James admits.

Q nods, he’d suspected when he woke up and it makes sense. As used to running on no sleep for days on end as they both are, it never makes it easier to cope with.

“Do you need some time? Some space?” Q offers.

James looks at him like he’s the only thing that matters, eyes open and deep, imploring Q to stay with him.

“James, come to bed,” Q offers carefully, reaching for his other hand and lacing their fingers together on his lap.

James looks relieved and his shoulders relax from their rigid posture. 

They separate enough to stand and for Q to put their mugs in the sink. He does a quick sweep of security whilst James heads to the bathroom, then heads upstairs to get ready for bed.

***

When he’s happily settled under the covers he finally checks his phone.

One message from Eve.

_‘Mallory has assured me you are safe, not sure I’m convinced. Take care!’_

He wonders if she knows who he’s with but Q doesn’t reply to ask. She doesn’t need to know, at least for now.

He plugs his phone into charge and tries to calm his thoughts - his mind feels too full.

Vesper Lynd, Madeline Swann… Spectre… Quantum… it still doesn’t make sense in his mind that they would all be connected, at least not in the way they’ve been lead to believe.

Silva wasn’t ever after James. He was after M - Olivia Mansfield - or whatever she’d been known as at Station H. And all that DNA on one ring… the chances of it were remote. Very remote.

No. Something doesn’t quite make sense.

He picks up his phone again and for a moment considers wether or not to message R. She has a lot to do; running the department and working on her own projects in his absence. He knows she can handle it but he’d rather not get her into any trouble on his behalf.

Instead, he sends Eve the encrypted message. She likes getting into trouble and is in a much better position to get away with it.

_‘Check all ghost rings, do the family trees match? Not urgent, but results appreciated. Thank you.’_

_‘You’re supposed to be on holiday.’_ States her reply less than a minute later.

_‘I am, or I would do it myself. Please.’_

_‘Fine. Should I tell Mallory?’_

_‘Yes.’_

_‘Alright. Consider us even.’_

_‘Hardly.’_

He hears James on the stairs but makes no move to hide his phone. He’ll tell him if he asks, though he does want to be certain before he jumps to any conclusions. 

“How is Eve?”

“Put out, I think.” He can tell from her messages that she wants him to confide in her about where he’s hiding.

“We could send her a postcard.”

“Absolutely not.”

“You always seem to like them.”

Q sighs. He keeps them in the drawer with the mugs at work, also locked away. He was grateful, though, not to have received one from Austria. That would have been to much. Especially if it had arrived after James was gone (or appeared to be).

“I remain perplexed as to why they always arrive intact but your equipment rarely does.” They both know that Q doesn’t actually mind. More often than not, Bond only returns because of the things Q sends him out with, but it would be nice for a few more to make it back in one piece. 

James gestures to the phone. “Waiting for a reply?” he asks, finally leaving the doorway and closing the door softly behind him.

“Not immediately, no. I’ve asked her to look into something for me.” Q must look sufficiently guilty because James doesn’t tease or chastise him. He just nods and sits on the edge of Q’s side of the bed against his legs.

Q sits and waits. It’s been a strange day and an emotional evening; and he’d rather let James speak than start this conversation himself.

“I know, so far, this hasn’t been what you expected,” James starts, Q raises his eyes. “It’s not what I expected either, but I can’t keep burying myself in my work forever.”

“You do seem to take it on holiday with you. Not including me - Mexico.”

“M has reclassified that as the mission it was. It doesn’t count as holiday, neither does the last few weeks.”

Q swallows. “James?”

“Yes, Q?”

“Where have you been?” He may as well as now, when James seems open enough to tell him.

“Madeline would tell you I spent the first week in therapy, but really it was… unpleasant. As I’m sure you know, I don’t take kindly to psychologists or therapists.”

“I can’t imagine you ever doing anything you don’t want to do.”

“You’re right. Life is too short, especially for a Double-O.”

“But something changed.” 

“Yes.” James reaches for Q’s hand and he lets him take it. “She made me see things differently and forced me to at least try….”

“It sounds like I owe her an apology,” Q says quietly. His jealousy is only once facet of it.

“Franz was wrong about so many things, but he was at least, in part, right about her.” It sounds as though it pains him to say it and Q squeezes his fingers.

“How so?”

“As the daughter of an assassin, she really does understand me. But I don’t think she’s the only one.” He looks at Q but Q bites his lip and looks away.

“I’m not exactly off to a brilliant start.”

James gives him an understanding smile. “Neither am I. One week with a therapist doesn’t even begin to heal things. I just… I have somewhere to start.”

Q wants to say that he thinks James started dealing with things after the Silva incident, after he came back from the ruin of his family home and the death of M. He started drinking less, training more, spent more time with his friends and seemed less reckless. But maybe James is right, maybe he just switched drugs and lifestyle for burying himself in his work.

He’s at MI6 almost as much as Q outside of his missions - and the three weeks he spent in Mexico.

“I find it hard to talk sometimes,” Q tells him.

“So do I.”

“And I haven’t ever been in an actual relationship outside of university. They didn’t last very long either.”

James is giving so much of himself that Q needs to give something back.

“There hasn’t been anyone? In all that time?” James sounds surprised.

Q shakes his head. “I haven’t ever been lonely, not exactly. But I haven’t ever wanted to sacrifice my job for someone else. It’s also never come up, I just didn’t meet anyone I wanted to be with.” He’s also never made himself available, not until James Bond appeared and even so, he’d only ever let himself dream.

“I hurt you,” James says and Q snaps his attention back to him.

“Not deliberately.”

“I didn’t know how to approach you.”

Q gives him a nervous smile. “I don’t know what you could have said to convince me, or that I would have let you. Although, I think I understand now. Outside of your missions you only ever asked me, at least not that I’ve noticed.”

“Outside of missions and on them I rarely wanted anyone else, not for more than a fleeting moment. I haven’t pursued anyone but you when I’ve been home.”

“Even when you didn’t know I was interested?” Q is surprised by that.

“An evening in Q Branch was more than enough,” James says with open honesty, and Q knows he’s looking at him in disbelief. “It really wasn’t about sex.”

A smile blooms on his face and James slides along the covers to fold Q in his arms.

Q searches for words he can’t find as he settles in James’ strong arms. He doesn’t find them but James doesn’t say anything else.

They settle into bed in silence, Q turns on his side and James wraps himself around him from behind, firm chest pressed against Q’s back.

“What’s first on our agenda?” James asks, sounding as though he’s on the verge of sleep.

“Osbourne House,” Q tells him. “I’ve set the alarm.”

“Hm.” James dips his head to kiss Q’s neck and a warm tingle spreads through him. He lets out a breathy sigh and James chuckles warmly against his skin.

“Goodnight, Q.”

“Goodnight, James.”

***  
James’ eyebrows shoot up in surprise and Q laughs.

The woman at the ticket desk turns to him with a kind, but amused smile, and says, “I take it he didn't tell you?”

“That he’s a member of English Heritage? No.”

“Not been together long, then?” she asks as Q takes his ticket and his membership card back.

“No, but we have known each other for a few years,” James explains.

Q steps back and hands James his ticket. They’d agreed in the car to take it in turns buying entry tickets etc to make things easier.

“I’ll buy lunch,” Q offers, given he got his ticket for free, but he can’t stop smiling.

“Have a lovely day, gentlemen. Membership forms are on the counter if you want to join us, sir,” she says with a wink.

Q takes his hand and leads him from the ticket-desk-come-gift-shop and back outside.

“Incase you’re wondering, I also have membership to the National Trust and the Sealife Centre.”

James gives him a rueful smile. “So, this is what you do with your time off?”

“Yes.”

James - still smiling - pulls Q in and slides his arms around his back, under the grey fabric of his suit jacket. He tips his head and presses kisses against Q’s forehead.

“Is this okay?” he asks, looking around them.

Q hadn’t realised he’d gone quite so tense.

“Oh, yes, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it.” He lets go of James’ hand and puts his arm around his waist. 

“Are you sure?”

Using his free hand to cup James cheek, he pulls him in for a kiss.

“Yes. I was just, well, it all makes me look rather….”

“Rather what?” James asks, rubbing their noses together. His eyes are open and he’s smiling in a way that crinkles his eyes in happiness.

“Never mind. I don’t think it’s important if it means you looking at me like that.” He kisses him again, smiling when they part but he keeps and arm around James as they walk towards the main house.

He’s done his research - naturally - and knows the palace has only been fully open for the season in the last few days and, as such, it’s quiet.

James seems in better spirits, even though that morning Q had once again woken up to being held tightly, the wariness and exhaustion are lessened and he seems more… rested.

Q himself feels less frazzled and wrung out and, strange as it still feels to be here with James, he’s trying to make the most of it. 

They reach the house and present their tickets. The tour is self guided - though there are groups you can join at set times - so they make their way around.

Q drops his arm from James’ back in favour of holding his hand, for no other reason than he really, really wants to.

He looks at the art and sculptures lining the outer corridors and admires the skill, technique and dedication in all the pieces. 

James doesn’t seem particularly interested in anything but he looks happy enough to be here all the same.

When Q looks at the furniture he conjures the schematics in his mind, sees all the places for the possible hidden compartments, and finds it endlessly fascinating.

“How does it compare?” Q asks as they enter another grand sitting room and follow the wining path of carpet and rope-cordons.

“I didn’t really see too much of it, but I think this place has more charm.”

“I agree, though I haven’t seen Buckingham Palace.”

“I’m sure a private tour could be arranged,” James says, voice warm against his ear.

Q nods and hopes his face isn't too flushed.

“As odd as it might sound, it’s just never interested me. But a private tour with you is something I’d consider.”

James presses a light kiss to his ear and Q bites his lip and closes his eyes.

“Come on, Q, there’s more to see,” James says with fond amusement. He tugs lightly on his hand, and they continue their slow walk around the room.

***

The gardens are as beautiful as the house. Early spring air brings a wonderful subtle fragrance across the grounds, and flowers are starting to bloom.

Q takes pictures - a lot of pictures - and even lets James convince him to stand in front of the camera for a couple of them.

James looks on at the other visitors with selfy sticks with nothing short of pure mortification on his face. Q laughs.

“I think they take the fun out of it,” he tells James, who just keeps staring at them. “Here.” James turns to him when Q tugs on his sleeve. “We really don’t need one of those.” He switches to the front facing camera and stands much closer to James, his attention is, at least, now on the phone.

“Are you going to take that?”

“Yes. Just. Try and look a little less threatening,” Q suggests, barely managing to hold back a smile.

James smiles at him with the usual mixture of affection and disbelief as Q takes a couple of pictures.

“There, see?”

James ruffles his hair and squeezes his arm around him for a moment before he steps back and walks further into the gardens. Q leaves him be for a while, wandering the gardens as James makes his way along a nearby path.

He finds James in the same spot half an hour or so later. He looks a little lost in his own thoughts so Q stands quietly at his side and waits.

“The path to the beach is open,” James says. “We could walk down.”

“As long as we take the short cut and ignore the map.”

“Oh?”

“Look.” Q points to a group of people also sensible enough to have done their research. 

“I’m not so sure the shop is open though.”

“I’ll survive.”

James chuckles and shakes his head at Q’s put-upon tone.

 

***

The shop is open, but somehow the idea of sitting on a deck chair on a grassy bank in front of the beach _and_ eating ice cream is a bit too much.

That’s without considering present company.

James seems content to just sit while Q walks along the front for a while. 

It’s cold enough for him to wish he’d brought his hat, but the view and the atmosphere more than make up for it.

He stops and sits on a concrete bank, feet dangling above the sand and pebbles below. To his right the beach looks like a forgotten tropical island - albeit a cold one - and this whole place, this whole Island seems somehow… out of time. Modern and yet distinctly not. And this is only the first place they’ve really seen.

Q knows without looking that James keeps checking he’s within sight and, though it’s something he’s been trained to do, it’s comforting, in a way. It’s also worryingly ingrained. James is always on alert, even when he doesn’t need to be. Q doesn’t know how field agents manage to do it.

The ski-lift was enough to put him off ever going into the field again.

He’s not being careless when he says they are in no danger. He’s constantly running checks via his phone and also on the look out. Though, compared to James, he does so with less urgency and suspicion.

Q is attuned to his presence and knows when James starts walking towards him. He sits himself down at Q’s side and puts his hands together in his lap.

When, after a moment or two, James hasn’t spoken, Q says; “I wasn't sure if you needed space or wanted company.”

“Neither was I.”

The other people on the beach are far enough away not to hear them; relaxing, walking or resting together in pairs or small groups. With none of the hustle and bustle of the peak season, the beach is as quiet as the palace.

“You can stay here if you’d rather not see the rest of the house,” Q offers. Even though he’d rather not go back alone.

“No, I’ll come with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Q,” James says very, very quietly. “Spending the afternoon with you is a much better use of my time than sitting down here.”

Q must look uncertain because James’ hands separate and his warm arm is slid around his back. Q leans closer instantly, soaking up the warmth and feeling of being so close.

“Even so, if you need space, if you need time, just ask me. I can set your phone up so that you can monitor my location at all times, if it helps.”

“Q, did you?” James is looking down at his arm.

“Oh, no, I haven’t used smart blood on myself. Trackers, three of them but only one currently partially active.”

James seems to hesitate so Q turns his gaze back to the imagined paradise on his right. 

A moment later he hears fabric shuffle and the cool metal of a phone pressed into his hands.

“I’m still coming with you, I want to.”

Q nods, unlocks the phone and gets started, grabbing hold of his and typing away. It’s not easy with one hand on each phone but it’s doable. He lets James watch him, he’s smart enough and capable enough to understand some of what he’s doing. Q doesn’t mind sharing his knowledge with him.

“Set a password and you’re all set up.”

James closes his hands around Q’s and the phone and types away. Q doesn’t look; the software requires separate authorisation than just the phone’s unlock code. He’d rather they don’t risk him knowing it, given he already knows most of James’ passwords already.

“Can anyone else track you?” James asks, once his phone - and Q’s - is safely away again.

“M can activate my emergency tracker. And you now have the same authorisation.”

“Standard procedure?”

“Something like that, yes.” Aside from the fact that it isn’t standard procedure to give a Double-O agent any kind of access to his location.

“Q?”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

He sags back against James.

“Yes. I’ll let you know if that changes but I’m fine. Better than I’ve been in a while, actually.”

“Good.” James holds him tighter. “Good.”

***

“Hungry?” James asks after their second tour of the house.

“Hm, oh, yes.” He’s a little distracted by the sculptures near the doorway on the way out.

“Restaurant or cafe?” 

He’s seen both, the restaurant with it’s waiters and beautiful dining room, and the cafe, far more relaxed and informal.

“Cafe.” 

James nods and leads him, arm around his back, to the cafe that makes up the other end of the gift shop.

***

“No,” Q warns as they walk past the postcards.

“Even if I promise to hand-deliver them afterwards?”

Q sighs with affected drama. “Fine. But only if you promise not to send them before hand. I’m serious. Eve would show up on our doorstep and I’m not prepared for that,” he says, glaring at James.

“No, I value my _balls_ too much to take that risk.”

Q sniggers and allows James to choose a couple whilst he takes a look around. 

He doesn’t think Eve would be quite so…. concerned as James does, but she worries, and they are friends. He knows she and James are friends too, but this is different. She trusts James implicitly in his work, with his country and the lives of his friends but she probably wouldn’t ever forgive him for breaking Q’s heart.

Even after the times she’s gently encouraged that Q take James up on his offers of dinner, given recent events, she’ll demand an explanation. It’s not one that Q can see James offering to her, nor does he think M will betray their privacy and explain what he knows.

***

In the cafe Q leaves James on a small two person table and heads to the front to order and pay - making good on this promise from this morning.

When he returns - large tray in hand - he finds James engaged in conversation with two elderly women across the way. They look like they’re part of a much larger group, sat along the rest of their table, but they seem far more interested in James.

“Oh, hello dear,” one of the women says to Q.

“Hello.” He looks at James for an explanation.

“We caught your young man staring after you when you were in the queue,” she explains.

“Oh.” He puts down the tray and turns back to them. “I’ve been told he does that quite often, though I’m rarely quick enough to catch him.”

James looks little stunned and Q smiles, laughing and sitting down.

“Well, you’ve got a good one there,” the other lady says, lightly elbowing the man at her side. “Mine’s a shy one but he still does it, he’s even slow enough that I can catch him now.” The man gives a shy nod of his head, rubs his wife’s arm fondly and gets back to his food.

Q pours tea for himself and James, then holds out his food, taking his and putting the tray on the empty table behind them.

“There’s no need to be so shy, young man,” the first lady says, then to James she adds. “He is absolutely adorable.”

Q resolutely pretends he can’t hear them and unwraps the napkin from around his knife and fork with great interest.

“Yes, he is.”

Q braves a look at James’ face and his grin is positively wolfish.

“You have no idea how long it took me to convince him to let me take him out.”

“I simply needed to make sure your intentions were honourable,” Q says, returning to avoiding looking at James.

“Well, whatever he did worked,” one of the women tells him.

“I’m not disputing that,” Q concedes, resolutely not acknowledging that James is sat across from him.

“Oh, sweetheart. He knows how lucky he is, you know it too, don’t you.” She smiles when Q nods. “You might think I’m overstepping, but I want to say that it’s okay to spend sometime looking after each other, you both look exhausted.” She looks a little guilty. “You’re both city workers - your man told me - and I know that it can take over your life.”

Q nods. “Sometimes I think it has. Until recently I hadn’t thought any kind of long term relationship likely because of my work. This has all been an unexpected and welcome surprise.”

The woman beams, her happiness wrinkling her face. “I can tell.” She smiles.

“We’ll leave you to your dinner, enjoy the rest of your holiday,” the other lady says, turning back to her husband.

James reaches for Q’s hand across the table, and holds on tight when he gives it to him.

It’s hard to eat with one hand but Q manages because he’s not about to let go.

***

They’re in the garden besides the patio later in the evening. Q lounging against James on the bench they’ve covered it in blankets - from the cupboard in the kitchen - to guard against the evening chill.

“Can I ask you something?” James murmurs against Q’s hair.

“You don’t usually need my permission,” Q says lightly.

“Well, you don’t need to answer this, not if you don’t want to.”

Q tips his head to one side at the hesitation in James’ voice. “What do you want to know?”

James waits a moment and then asks, “Have all your relationships been with men?”

Q laughs, not at all expecting James to ask about that.

“I admire your subtlety in asking, especially because I know you don’t care what my answer will be.”

“I don’t, at all. I’m just curious.”

“Ah.” Q snuggles closer and smiles, delighted when James slides an arm around his waist and pulls him further into the v of his legs (it’s a very wide bench). “I’ve never bothered to label myself and I really didn’t care when I was younger. I’m obviously interested in men, though very rarely actually attracted to anyone. Of my last - and only - two serious relationships; one woman and one man, not in that order. I loved them both, however briefly.” He was sad about the end of both, but it isn’t at all why he threw himself into his work. For him there was more joy and a greater sense of purpose in it.

“I was worried for a while, I thought maybe you weren’t interested in men.”

“I distinctly remember never using that as an excuse,” Q reminds him, not hiding the smile from his voice.

“No, true. You never did. You just smiled and said ‘no, thank you’.” He presses kisses to the back of Q’s neck and he shivers with the contact. “People don’t ever seem to question me. They assume I almost exclusively sleep with women and only sleep with men because I have to. Even on official records they like to avoid it. I’ve let them, makes me more unpredictable in the field. Which I think is actually the reason it’s been misreported.”

“Hm. True. It has given you the upper hand more than once.” Q has read several amusing mission reports on the subject.

“It doesn’t bother you? My field work,” James states and Q just shakes his head, not feeling the need to get into it all again.

“Eve thinks I, on the other hand, am exclusively into men.” 

“You haven’t told her?” James sounds surprised - and amused.

“She shouldn’t just assume. Though, for years I thought it was the other way around because I didn’t realise it was possible to be attracted to more than one gender.”

They fall into silence and Q closes his eyes. The sun is setting and the temperature along with it, but James is warm against his back and they are both dressed for the weather.

“I didn’t realise until M asked me if I’d take a mission with a potentially male informant. It didn’t even remotely bother me so I just did it… afterwards I realised I’d never not paid attention to other men but it was the first time I’d felt drawn enough to pursue them. It was like a whole new world of experience opened up. That was before I was a Double-O.” James’ quiet voice is warm and honest.

“Do you have a preference?” Q asks, perhaps as curious as James.

“Right now? I’d have thought this was obvious.” James squeezes his waist.

Q chuckles. “In general.”

“No, I don’t think I do. I just often find myself indulging in one more than the other, it’s the nature of the job.” He pauses. “But this isn’t, you aren’t even in the same category.”

“I know that,” Q says softly.

“Do you?” James asks, head bent to breathe the words against Q’s ear.

“It’s just taking some time to feel real,” he admits gently.

“That’s okay. I think it is for me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Photos for this chapter can be found [here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com/post/167712179098/osbourne-house-isle-of-wight-uk-taken-in-2013) on my tumblr. They were taken on my holiday to the IOW in previous years.


	6. Newport

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The words _‘I love you’_ burst bright as starlight in Q’s mind but he holds his lips closed in a smile to stop them escaping.

The next day is spent at the Dinosaur Isle museum and the beach near by. It’s a nice enough day and not too cold, so they spent some time walking the shore.

On Saturday they head in to Newport after Q decides he’d underestimated how much clothing he would need. He picks up a few shirts while James looked on amused in the changing room.

They then spend some time in any of the shops that look interesting around the town centre; with Q’s love of books and James being content to go anywhere, they spend a couple of hours going in and out wherever they please.

Q refuses to have his bag ‘held downstairs’ in a bookshop that initially looked promising but had more terms and conditions notices on the door than most of MI6. One cool glare from James meant that, instead, Q and James were accompanied by one of the attendants.

He was almost disappointed when he found the books he was after; he loathed giving them business. They gave independent bookshops at bad name.

“It’s a shame they don’t have a computerised inventory to speak of. Well, at least one that’s online,” he complains as they head back in the direction of the car.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would. For the comment about my thug-in-a-suit boyfriend if nothing else,” he huffs.

James puts a hand on his arm. “Or we could complain to the council?” he offers.

“James.” He shrugs. “It’s rude. All of it, and you’ve never looked particularly thuggish. Ruggedly handsome I’ll accept; you look positively fuckable in everything you wear.” He lowers his voice on the expletive and James looks shocked. “You can’t be surprised. I know you know how you come across. You use it to your advantage in your work, with Eve, Tanner…. and me.”

“Come on,” James says gently when Q looks to the very narrow pavement at their feet. “Let’s find somewhere to eat before we go.”

Q lets out a breath and allows James to lead him to a cafe in a church square. It’s cool outside but neither had wanted to sit indoors.

James pours Q’s tea and waits, for what Q isn’t sure. He’s a little embarrassed about what he said.

“I’m sorry,” he tries.

“What for?”

“I’m not…. I feel like I’ve offended you - I wasn’t trying to…”

“I’m not offended. You’re mostly right. I am aware of my charm; it’s why I’m so good at my job, but I wouldn’t ever use it deliberately to get any of you into trouble, not any I didn’t think I could get you out of afterwards.”

Q huffs out a breath and pours a bit of milk into his tea. He stirs it with the teaspoon for far longer than he needs to, and puts it back in the saucer with a small clatter.

“If I could have come up with a reason to get you at my flat, to show you what I was up to, I would have done so,” James says, his voice is quiet and honest.

“But I have always turned you down,” Q concedes.

“I did tell Eve to tell you - if she could.”

“Yes, I know. She did and I got on a plane.” Q sighs. “I don’t know how long it will take me to get used to this.”

“However long you need,” James says softly.

Q’s mind shoots back to each morning here so far, James wrapped tightly around him and awake - he must be awake…. there must be a reason.

Q reaches for him across the table, lifting from his seat enough to kiss him and hold the back of his head in his hand. When he releases him, he slides back down and lifts his tea cup to sip at slowly. 

“It’s… strange for me too,” James says. “I’ve gotten so used to charming my way through life that it’s hard to stop. Or to express genuine interest in a way that people will accept. I would charm you into bed a hundred times over if I thought that was what you wanted. But it isn’t, is it.”

Q’s cup is placed with care on his saucer - his hands don’t shake but he’s sure his eyes are speaking volumes. His lips are parted but he can’t make a single sound.

“You did say I look positively fuckable.”

“Shit.” Q shakes his head and again starts sipping his tea, it seems he wasn’t quite able to let go of the cup. “I know we agreed this was difficult but I was hoping it would be easier than this. Not that… I am, I am having a really lovely time, truly I am… I…” He gives up.

James nudges his foot underneath the table. “As am I.” His smile is lovely and real, fragile and beautiful.

The words _‘I love you’_ burst bright as starlight in Q’s mind but he holds his lips closed in a smile to stop them escaping.

He will tell him again, he will, but they feel like a pressure James doesn’t need weighing him down when there is already so very much to do so.

“I also don’t think this,” James says, gesturing between them, “Is ever easy, even for people with calmer lives.”

“True, there is always something. Louisa didn’t want to know how I felt because she was worried she’d care more for me than her work and Marcus…. his passions burned too brightly to ever last long.”

“You never told them how you felt?”

“Not with words, no. I’m afraid not. Louisa is a brilliant architect and Marcus - wherever he is - I’m sure he’s doing well. India, last I heard. I’m not sure if he’s still there, he never seemed to want to stay in one place for very long.”

James looks around and says quietly, “Q, have you always put the happiness of others before your own?”

“No, of course not. When I say I love my work, my job and my position, it isn’t a substitute. I made a choice and so did they.” He meets James’ eyes. “And I’m here, am I not? For my own happiness, though, I suspect, for yours too.”

James nods.

“There must be something you can do,” He remarks a moment later.

“Excuse me?”

“To the bookshop.”

Q takes a moment to switch tracks and actually considers it.

“They don’t have much of an online presence to speak of, however, there may well be a review site or something. Though I’ll have to wait for a bit. We are here for a while and I don’t want to draw suspicion.”

James looks satisfied with that. “Good. We should stop at Morrisons on the way back then spend the evening at the cottage.”

“Hm, yes. You know, it’s wonderful to hear you talk about supermarkets as if you actually frequent them.”

James lightly kicks his ankle and Q laughs.

“Finish your tea.”

***  
“You know,” Q says later, over dinner at the kitchen table. “It’s not that I don’t want you to charm me into bed.”

James nearly chokes on his wine. “You did that on purpose.”

“I did, yes.”

“You want me to mean it, for you to believe I mean it.”

“Yes.”

“ _I mean it_ , Q.”

He nods but his throat is starting to burn and he’s biting the inside of his lip.

“Q. If I tell you right now, exactly how I feel about you, would you believe me?”

“I want to.” He sounds as though he’s going to cry. He thinks that he might be. It’s taken most of the afternoon to gather the courage to say what he has so far.

“I don’t go around telling people I feel more for them than I do. For a long time I stuck to married men and women. People who knew, who understood. Even Vesper, Vesper was in love with another man when we met.” He swallows hard and Q is sorry to bring up barely healed wounds from his past. “I flirt, I insinuate and I pretend. I play a part out there when I have to, when I need to but I don’t, I won’t…..Q. You know I do, you must already know by now.”

Q nods, stands on shaking feet and walks out of the kitchen, down the step to the front room, and sits down on the cool tile with his feet on the carpet below.

James joins him a few moments later and takes his hand.

“Do you want to go out? We could walk, sit in the garden? Or I can give you some space, if you want it,” James offers carefully and Q can feel the care he’s taking not to push or to pry.

“What I want is to have said yes months ago. I want to trust that you mean it.” He grips James’ hand tightly.

“Will you at least come out to the patio?”

Q nods and lets James lead him by the hand. He slides the door open and grabs a blanket from the floor of the little library. James sits and Q flops down next to him, unresisting. He wants to just hold James close and know he won’t let go.

He wants so, so much.

“When Vesper drowned, I watched any future but my career at MI6 die with her. Or at least that’s what I thought at the time. Later, much later, after Eve sent me into unexpected retirement, I didn’t just return to help M. This is what I wanted, this is the choice I made. Madeline still doesn’t understand why but she now appreciates my reasoning. I’m more than an assassin, more than her father ever was.”

“The more you talk about her, the more I believe I owe her an apology. If she ever needs anything; she need only ask.”

James laughs. “M has already made that clear, he’s paid her in full for services rendered. He also offered her a job too, should she ever want it.” He squeezes Q around the waist. “I hate talking about things like this but I can’t deny that it helps. It hurts too, but if I had really kept going, I wouldn’t have been around much longer.”

“That probably has something to do with our phycologists. You would think MI6 would put some effort in when they recruit them but there are distinct gaps in their care.”

“Personal experience?”

“No, not me. A friend. We hired someone in but it shouldn’t have been allowed to get that far.”

“Q Branch?”

“Yes, but it’s private.”

“I won’t pry.”

“Good.”

Silence falls and they both wait. Q for James, and James for the right words to say.

“You sounded so hurt when you told me how you feel, as though you were waiting for me to land a fatal blow.”

Q is tingling all over, exposed. “I had to make sure you understood my reluctance. This isn’t casual for me, it’s all or nothing. I needed to give you a chance to back away incase it wasn’t what you wanted.”

“I love you, Q. I _love_ you,” James says, heartfelt and pained; like the admission is costing him something important.

Q shakes with the words, shivers he can’t seem to stop. He reaches for James’ hand and slides their fingers together, holding on palm to palm in the hopes it will ground him.

“Q,” James says softly, free hand now coming up to cup his jaw and turn his head towards him.

He takes a few deep, shuddering breaths and raises his eyes to James’.

Starting, brilliant blue is rimmed with unshed tears.

Q takes off his glasses and puts them carefully on the armrest of the bench behind him.

“James,” he says. “I love you, I love you so very much.”

Happiness melts into James’ expression and, as tears run down his face, Q leans in to kiss him.

His lips are warm beneath Q’s, pliant and soft, Q presses them together and feels James’ hand run up and fist in his hair. Lips part under his and their mouths slide together.

Q’s arm is around James’ back, hooked under his shoulder to hold him as close as he can. Their hands are still joined and, though it would be more comfortable if they let go, neither do.

James breaks the kiss and buries his head in Q’s shoulder, tears wet against his skin. It’s like a flash of ice, but it’s not unwelcome. Q holds him close, runs his fingers through short blonde hair and presses kisses against his temple.

“Whatever it is,” Q tells him gently. “Whatever I can do, I’ll do it.”

“I didn’t expect this,” James admits, lifting his head. “I didn’t expect you.”

Q smiles, warm and kind. “I know.”

James looks somewhat amused for just a moment.

“And I know this is real… Q, you should know that I didn’t think this was a possibility, at all.”

“Which part?”

“Love.”

Q blinks. “Oh,” he breathes out.

“I didn’t think I could love anyone again, but you, Q-”

“Simon,” he blurts out, not thinking.

“Sorry?”

“Shit. Shit, shitshit, shit.”

“The name on the card?”

He sighs. “Yes.”

“Q, it’s fine. No one can hear us and I promise I won’t use it.”

“No, no…. I just didn’t want to tell you quite yet… I didn’t mean to let that slip.” He closes his eyes and ducks his head. 

“Q, it’s fine.” James is starting to sound worried. Q wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all - then cry. Possibly both. He is, it seems, getting a little hysterical. 

“I’m afraid it’s all getting a bit too much. Is it late enough to sleep?”

“It’s half past seven,” James says calmly, probably looking at the new watch Q gave him before they left London. “You can head up now, I can join you later, or-”

“If you say anything at all about sleeping in the other room to give me space I will move your suitcase and clothes into the master bedroom myself,” Q warns. “I may be a tad hysterical but just give me a few minutes. Though, 007, my reasons are likely very different to yours, I likewise didn’t expect any of this to be a possibility either.”

Q chances a look at him and James kisses him brief but firm, sliding his hand back out of Q’s hair.

“And I am perfectly aware I called you 007. It helps me when I’m nervous.” He falls forwards against James’ chest. “I’m going to take a shower. Then we can reassess. Tea in bed and possibly a film sound like a good combination. If you want to, you can even accept my offer to move into the master bedroom.”

“I do.”

“Good.” He sighs. “I just need a minute first, I don’t trust my feet.”

Take your time.”

He feels James run his fingers through his hair again and smiles against the dark green wool of his jumper.

***

Freshly showered, shaved, dried and otherwise sorted for the night, Q reaches the master bedroom to find James already waiting for him. He is likewise clean and ready for bed.

“My suits and everything I need to hang are in the wardrobe, everything else is in the drawers you’d left empty. My suitcase is in the other room, to save space.” He puts his book on the beside table and waits for Q.

Q shuts the door and rests against it, looking at James and around the room - their room. It’s ridiculous and wonderful all at the same time. There’s a steaming mug of tea waiting for him on his bedside table, a clear sign of how much effort James is putting in.

He’s aware of the bubble of unreality they are in, but it feels special, vital and much needed. More so for James than for him, but Q knows he was only a few days away from a breakdown last Tuesday.

“I know you’re enjoying the view but I improve on closer inspection.”

“That is a terrible, terrible line,” Q says, laughing.

James raises his eyebrows. “Had the desired effect didn't it?”

Q doesn’t argue, just pulls back the covers and gets into bed.

He checks his phone - makes sure it’s on charge - does the same for his tablet too. 

When he’s happy everything is as it should be he turns to James to see him smiling that half-smile he seems to show Q more often than not. The one that reaches his eyes with amusement and warmth.

“R keeps telling me you look at me like that all the time. Whenever you think I can’t see you, but you do it when I can, too.”

“Sometimes, yes.”

“Am I really so interesting?”

“I struggled to understand how you could be real during the incident with Silva. You were a breath of fresh air. I wasn’t ever too fond of Q Branch before you became Q; they barely spoke to me, in fact the ones I came across went to the trouble to address anyone but me.”

“Ah, yes, well. There were a few voluntary retirements and resignations when I became Quartermaster. Those who found my age to be an issue left the department, everyone else stayed.”

“You should have taken them to the National Gallery,” James says, knocking their shoulders together.

“I never got the chance. They resigned or moved. M had words with them and I didn’t worry about it.”

James smiles. “I bet she did.”

Q shrugs. “She chose me personally, so I can’t complain. I could understand the doubts with regards to the more practical elements of my job, I did spent most of my time in the computer labs but my academic record stood for its self.” He hopes he sounds as unbothered by it as he feels. In truth it hasn’t ever really bothered him too much; it made his job easier with that kind of resistance gone. Q Branch was a bit of a mess when he took over, the two sides barely spoke, and higher-ups - with little idea how to cope with a more modern, more digital world - had no place in a fast-paced and forward thinking department.

None of this meant that his department was only staffed with people around his age. The spectrum was vast and what held them all together was their ability to adapt, not clinging to the past for the sake of it.

“Did you want to watch something?” he asks, noticing the remotes next to James’ side of the bed.

“We can, however, you should know that I just picked the first thing that looked vaguely interesting. I have no idea if it’s any good.”

“That’s always the risk with holiday homes, raises the question of whether the DVDs provided are to entertain or merely cast-offs from the owners.”

“They had Life on Mars.”

“Yes, true. But it was the original release. They probably bought the complete series collection later on.”

“When did you get to cynical?” James jokes.

“Experience. Though I never leave it to chance, I do judge a place on their book and DVD collections… VHS in some places. I am impressed there is a Blu-ray player downstairs, that’s a rare find.”

James presses play - a rueful smile on his face - and welcomes Q’s weight against his side.

Q curls his hands around his mug and sips his tea, happy and warm with James’ arm around him as he lets his thoughts wander as the film plays.

***

The next morning is the start of their first scheduled ‘rest day’ which means they can either lounge around or do whatever they want - together or separately. Q doesn’t really have anything in mind for the day, he’d rather just read and relax, maybe spend some time on his computer or try and see if the local cats are nearby.

James calls downstairs to Q as he walks out of the kitchen.

“Yes?”

“Your phone is ringing,” There’s a shuffle as he reaches over the bed. “It’s…. R.”

Q laughs, realising she must have told James her real name at some point.

“Answer it,” he tells him as he comes up the stairs.

“Hello?” James answers, putting the phone on loud speaker.

_“Oh, hi! Do you have time to talk?” R asks cheerily._

“Would you like me to pass you on to Q?” James asks, with fondness in his voice.

Q’s eyebrows raise. He needs to stop forgetting how well they seem to know each other. 

_“Ah, yeah, yes, that’s fine. I can give you a minute.”_ It’s quite clear that she’s being listened to.

Q makes his way into the room and takes his phone, turning off loud speaker.

“Hello, R,” he greets, happy to hear from his Reserve Quartermaster and close friend.

_“I take it you’re enjoying your time away?”_

“Yes.”

_“Oh come on, I didn’t expect… well… this.”_

“I can’t say I was expecting it either.”

R chuckles. _“Thank you for the emails and the messages you left. You’ll be pleased to know everything has been normal.”_

“Organised chaos, then?”

_“Yes, of course.”_ She laughs, sounding her usual cherry self. Gone is the worry and concern in her voice that he’d grown used to hearing over the past few weeks when they were alone or outside of work.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asks. James is pointedly pretending not to be interested in the conversation but he needn’t worry - though Q doesn’t want him to hear the conversation as it happens, he’s happy to relay it to him afterwards. He’s almost certain this will be work related, but sometimes R does just call to talk and he doesn’t want to expose anything personal she may tell him.

_“So, yes, Moneypenny passed on your request, you’ll be happy to know I have all the rings we’ve collected and the authority to oversee their analysis.”_

“M?”

_“Naturally. He actually came down here - without the lure of your cats - and brought with him enough chocolates and an offer of lunch for all of us. He, ah, also brought me a new R scrabble mug… as a gift. Am I missing something? Does he know why we switched to the black ones?”_

Q meets James’ eyes and raises his eyebrows. “No, not exactly but I think it’s meant as a peace offering, just take it as a sign that no one has to conform like that anymore.” He gets a confused expression from James but it doesn’t stop Q from smiling at him.

_“He did seem very pleased when I used it, I would go as far as to say he looked relieved.”_

“I think you’re probably right about that. He’s not been very happy about any of this either.”

_“Well I guess I could do with a spare mug.”_

“Are you wary of who’s listening?” he asks.

_“Of course.”_

“Is everything alright?”

_“Yes. They all just really want to know where you are.”_

Q rolls his eyes. “Head into my lab and lock them out; you have the authorisation to do so. Nosy shits. Sounds like things are really getting back to normal.”

_“Okay, I’m in,”_ R says a few moments later. _“Tea and all. You’ve actually tidied up in here.”_

“Yes. I had time.”

_“I bet. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that you are right. Entirely correct. Every one of those rings is encoded or imprinted with the same DNA. I also did a little digging.”_

Q smiles. “ I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

_“Thank you. The organisation was far reaching, it just wasn’t exactly as it presented its self.”_

“Go on.”

_“Some of the DNA was planted falsely to make them seem grander, with connections to everywhere. This isn’t true. Silva wouldn’t deal with them, there is even evidence he acted against them. They simply planted his DNA after acquiring it from one of his people who was working both sides._

_“There is little to no evidence that Greene even knew who they were either, and Mr White… well, the information on him is sketchy. We think he originally worked for Quantum then stepped over when that all blew up, it’s still speculation, though.”_

“But the rest is fact?”

_“Yes. Silva was after M, always. He didn’t even know James was still alive.”_

“That does make much more sense.”

_“Yes, I thought so.”_

“Anything else?” he asks, interested rather than bored.

_“Not so far, no. I’m looking into it. M says it’s a top priority and there’s free lunch everyday until I’ve gone through most of it.”_

“R?”

_“Yes?”_

“If you need to - or want to - I told the cattery you can visit the cats. You can even bring them home with you, too.”

_“Thank you. I will visit but I don’t know how they’d feel about living with us again and then going back to yours, I don’t want to rush them everywhere.”_

“Just visit them whenever you want to, if M asks after them I’ll see what I can do.” The mental image he has of that is almost enough to call the cattery and add him to the safe list. Almost.

R laughs. _“At the moment I think he could do with the stress relief. He wants out of the merger and I think he’s going to get it. No idea where they’ll relocate to, but at least we don’t have to move anywhere. Anyway, that’s pretty much all I had to tell you, I should get back to work.”_

“I’m going to relay this information to-”

_“I know, please don’t worry. Anything I tell you you can pass on. Is it okay if I call you again when I know more?”_

“Of course. R? Look after yourself, please. And thank M again for your mug, I think I know why he gave it to you.” He lets the fondness he always has for her show in his voice, and he can hear both the surprise in hers and the happiness when she replies.

_“Oh, okay, sure. Take care.”_

The call ends and Q locks his phone.

“James, I think I might have some good news.”

“Then why do you look so worried?”

He takes a deep breath. “I asked Eve to look into the rings for me; the Spectre rings. It seemed odd that one ring had been touched by so many from your past. Odd and utterly absurd. At the time I assumed it was a deliberate DNA planting - as a sort of encoded security feature - so counterfeit rings couldn’t be used, but that theory remains unsubstantiated.”

“Q, you can explain afterwards, please get to the point,” James says, not unkindly.

“Silva wasn’t part of Spectre and neither was Greene.” James doesn’t say anything else so Q continues to relay what R told him. “Oberhauser planted it. Either to intimidate his enemies, encourage membership or - though the most absurd - the more likely answer; to lure you to him and substantiate the lie that he’s been interfering with your life since the start.”

James sits down on the bed near to where Q’s standing and is silent for a few moments before he asks, “What about the others?”

“We can’t confirm one way or the other, R is looking into it on M’s orders. Le Chiffre seems plausible, even if indirectly. And we know C was definitely involved, as were several others both yourself and the other Double-Os have come across in the last few years.”

James is silent again and focusses his attention on the floor.

“So he’s not ‘the grandmaster if all my pain’?” James asks and Q isn’t sure how serious he’s being so he uses caution and answers with his usual work-related confidence.

“No. More of an opportunistic stock broker.”

James nods and Q comes to sit at his side. James takes his hand in his gently, carefully slides their fingers together, then squeezes tight.

“Thank you, Q.”

“You’re welcome, 007.”

James laughs at that, effectively breaking the tension that had fallen over them.

“I think it’s my fault M bought R a new mug.”

Q laughs. “Yes, I realised that.”

“I suggested it might be a sign that you can be yourselves again. All of you. I also think he’s really sorry.”

“It wasn’t his fault, we all know that… he didn’t put up a single word of protest when I told him we were moving, signed off on it and made sure the paperwork to anyone higher-up was delayed. We moved almost overnight as soon as the space was cleared.”

“I was surprised when Tanner took me to see you by boat.”

Q nods, they both know Q would have told him if he hadn’t disappeared for several weeks - it doesn’t need voicing. 

“We’d cleared out the whole area before hand, it was being set up as a backup facility for us and, well, it felt like the time to run for cover.”

“I understand.”

Q smiles at James because he knows he really means it, even if he’s only just begun to do so.

“You know R’s name.”

“Her first name, yes. She told me herself.”

“She trusts you.”

“She does, I’ve done everything I can to make sure that trust isn’t misplaced. She trusts you, too.”

Q smiles. “We worked in the network security section of Q Branch before we were promoted. I’ve known her for years.”

“I get the feeling there’s more to it than that.”

“There is. She’s my friend and I recommended her for both her current and original position. She’s brilliant but life hadn’t treated her so kindly. So I gave her the chance and the opportunity to further her education. She finished her PhD a month before we were promoted.”

James makes a hum of agreement. “You’re in the graduation photos she hides in her desk, I thought for a long time that she was your sister.”

A small burst of laugher escapes Q. “For all intent and purposes she is, legally anyway. It’s a brilliant way for her to hide in plain sight and I like it, having a sister.”

James studies him. “You’re serious.”

He nods. “Yes.” Oddly, this doesn’t seem like so much of an admission. 

“Does anyone else at work know?”

“Outside of M, Moneypenny, and Tanner? A few others in Q Branch think she is my sister and we’ve never contradicted them.”

James chuckles and kisses him. 

“Breakfast?”

“Please.”

***

Q texts R to let her know that James is now in the loop. She seems pleased, and tells him to relax and enjoy himself.

Eve texts him as well, but in contrast she’s annoyed that R wouldn’t give her any details after speaking with him.

“R really is a bit intimidated by Eve,” Q explains. “but she still won’t tell her anything.”

“Did she shoot her as well?”

“No.” His eyes narrow. “You’re not actually afraid of her?”

“I’m wary of getting on her bad side. I did choose to keep a very respectful distance for several months when I got back from Scotland. I suspect I’ll have to do that when we return, unless she’s completely satisfied that I’ve been treating you well.”

“You don’t look convinced,” Q says with levity and James looks at him in a way that confirms it. “I’ll talk to her first,” he reassures. “She won’t be too angry once she finds out we’ve been here together the entire time.”

“Hmm.” James shakes his head and chuckles. “Do you want to come for a walk?”

Q immediately wrinkles his nose in disgust and James’ chuckle becomes full blown laughter.

“Come on, I’m not saying we should go far, but it’s nice outside and it can’t be good for us to stay cooped up in here.”

“Fine,” Q acquiesces. “Fine. I did pack my walking boots - just incase - but I’m not going up that hill or down that Shute. It’s almost vertical.”

***

 

They’re sitting on the top of a small hill, looking out at the hills opposite and the cottage a little ways below them.

Q’s mind has wandered back to their conversation from the day before; he rehears the ‘I love you’ and a warm burst of happiness fills his chest all over again.

There is no doubt that the words are both true and heartfelt, Q’s only concern is the echo of pain in James’ eyes when he said them.

He can guess what he’s afraid of; perhaps its related to why he’s been holding him so close when they sleep.

Once again he realises that they’re both still afraid that they might lose this, that it’s all going to unravel. Q has been wary that James doesn’t really want him… and James?  
For him it must be something similar but coupled with what has happened in his past it seems to be much worse.

A name really is just a name, after all. And he’s too far gone anyway, what’s going to change? He already knows more about the man at his side than he does about Q.

He looks at James, he’s lost in his own thoughts as he gazes out over the landscape, but he still seems at ease, relaxed.

“You can use my name,” he says and James’ attention immediately snaps to him. “I realised I’m being just a tad too cautious with everything.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” James nudges their knees together and shifts enough to close the gap between them on the large rock-bench they’re sat on.

“I know but I do know a lot about you. Outside of work you barely know me.”

“Q, I think I’ve learnt a lot this week already. Finding out more while we’re here is something to look forwards to, but I don’t need to know it all at once. Unless there are things you need me to know,” James offers gently. “I’m not going to change my mind either.”

“I know,” Q says, and for the very first time he’s able to do so with confidence - newly founded and still fragile, but it’s real. “Are you not even a little curious?”

“Of course I am. I’ll even admit that I tried to look into your past. You have it so well locked down I couldn't do anything without your name.”

“You have at least half of it.”

James smiles. “I don’t suppose there are too many brilliant engineers and computer scientists with unruly brown hair and glasses called Simon. But I think looking you up now would take the fun out of it. I will, however, admit that I do want to know how many degrees you have.”

“That I can help you with. Separate Masters in Computer Science, Mathematics, and Engineering and two PhD’s in Advanced Safeguards in Programming, and Network Security. Everything else I’ve done is rather unofficial and off the record.”

“If you’d started with that I probably would have thought you were older,” James says, visibly impressed.

Q hums, amused at the thought. “Some of them overlapped and the latter I finished just before I was promoted to Q.”

“Overlapped?”

“I was enjoying myself.”

“Of course you were.”

“I would have been bored without it, the work I was doing wasn’t exactly scintillating. The previous Q wasn’t quite as innovative as his predecessor and didn’t have too much time for anyone who was.”

“You probably won’t be surprised to know that I didn’t so much as bother to look him up.”

“No. Boothroyd wasn’t too happy when he handed over his department - or so I’ve been told - I was still in university at the time. Did you know the previous Q wasn’t even killed in the explosion?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“He resigned.”

“M didn’t force him?”

“She didn’t have to.” He does remember that morning, the chaos. He and R had been trying to help clean up the mess and had been assigned the task of trying to trace whoever had been responsible. From that to retreating to the war bunkers, then to being promoted to Q, it was a lot in a short space of time.

“Ah.”

“Those in the department who didn’t leave were apparently thoroughly relieved when I got the job, they wanted a return to progress and advancements in our technology and security.”

“So you all have a common cause. A cause that doesn’t involve exploding pens but will stretch to exploding watches,” James says fondly.

Q smiles and takes James’ hand in his, runs his fingers lightly over the crown of his watch. 

“This was my project. The trouble with pens is that they can too easily be set off by the wrong people at the wrong time. There has to be intent with a watch and it’s not really something anyone would suspect, as you’ve already proved.”

James gently removes his hand from Q’s and cups his face, strokes his wind swept cheek with this thumb and turns his head. He leans over and kisses him, lips smooth and warm.

Q closes his eyes and melts into it, presses when James presses, lines their mouths up enough that when he parts his lips to deepen it, it continues seamlessly.

It’s such a wonderful contrast to the cool spring afternoon and his heart soars with it, hands on James’ shoulder and in his hair. He can feel him shudder when he rubs his thumb behind his ear.

“I really am very sorry about the car,” James whispers against his cheek..

Q laughs, breathless and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pictures for Newport, including the coffee shop mentioned can be found [here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com/post/167989858568/pictures-taken-in-newport-isle-of-wight-uk-2017) on my tumblr. Let me know if people have trouble accessing them!
> 
> Q and James' experience in the bookshop is based on the massive sign they have explaining their policies, as well as all the terms and conditions ALL OVER THE DOOR. I've only been in there a couple of times; once when it wasn't so good and another time in which all the staff were super lovely. That's why I've been careful not to mention the name.... though I guess if anyone reading this is local to Newport, IOW, or has visited, they might know which one I mean!


	7. Isle of Wight Steam Railway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It’s not the rushed and desperate lust that can override everything else; it’s a wonderful, sparkling blaze of affection._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pictures for this location can be found [here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com/post/168226976593/pictures-taken-by-me-at-the-isle-of-wight-steam).  
> It also occurs to me that at least one of the people who've been leaving me lovely comments will spot the cameos in this almost instantly.... I'll leave a note as to who they are at the end but it won't spoil or change anything :)  
> [I should note that I wrote this chapter well over a year ago :)]

Monday finds them at the Steam Railway, it a fully working line with at least two stops in the beautiful countryside. From the leaflet he knows there’s also a museum, a work shop, a few cafes and a gift shop.

Q pays - it’s his turn - and gets them first class tickets before walking off to look around, there’s a train in the station and he wants to see it up close. It’s being filled with water and the guard is checking peoples tickets as they walk up onto the platform to board. They’ll be getting a later one, the time table is regular enough for them to be in no rush.

He’s sure James is beside him until he turns to see him talking to two men in front of one of the railway cottages.

James waves him over so Q walks to join them, he offers his hand the moment Q is near enough. He feels James’ fingers close around his and squeezes gently, sensing that somehow his reassurance is needed.

“This is Arthur, we met at the Olympics, and his husband Alfred.” Q gives James the nod of permission he’s looking for. “And this is Simon.” There’s a thrill in hearing his name said like that, with such a wonderful fondness, and Q finds he’s smiling rather more than he means to.

Arthur shakes his hand, followed by Alfred. The latter does so with more enthusiasm than strictly necessary and Q doesn’t miss how Arthur’s attention seems focussed on him.

“It’s a beautiful house,” Q says, looking up at the two storey cottage half hidden behind a large tree, set just far enough away from the path that he hadn’t really noticed it on his way in.

“Thank you,” Arthur says. “It’s been in the family for generations, though we did it up a few years ago, before we started to use it as our holiday home.” He smiles at Q and seems so genuine that he nods and relaxes.

They talk for long enough to establish that Alfred is America and they met overseas. Something about the way Arthur holds himself screams military service but Q is too polite to ask. He’s also too polite to decline when they extend a genuine invitation to dinner in a couple of weeks. 

Arthur wishes them a good day and heads inside, his excitable husband not too far behind him.

“Before you ask,” James says, “I had no idea they had a house here, or that they’d gotten married.”

Q smiles. “Were you expecting an invitation?”

James laughs. “No, of course not. I’m just surprised they managed to stop arguing for long enough to organise it.” 

Q steps in closer, letting go of James’ hand to slide his arm around his waist. James’ arm comes up and around his shoulders and he presses kisses into Q’s hair. Q smiles and looks to the side to hide his reaction and slows his pace down enough to relish the affection.

“I still can’t believe they let you escort the Queen,” he says quietly when they’re further along the path.

James chuckles in amusement and kisses his hair again. “Arthur asked me on behalf of Her Majesty, it wasn’t as if I had much of a choice.” His voice is a pleasant rumble against Q’s temple.

Q contemplates what he wants to ask and the best way to do so. James’ ease when talking to the two men means that he knows and trusts them, so there must be a story there that he isn’t privy to. He doesn’t mind, he just wants to know how to ask without appearing rude.

He waits until they reach a bridge on the way to the museum, there’s a pond on the left side with a small jet of water bubbling out near the centre.

“How high is their clearance?”

James smiles fondly at him, seemingly impressed, once again, by Q’s observations and intuition. 

“I have no idea about Alfred, though he does know who I am. Arthur’s clearance is as high as it goes.” 

“Hmmm.” Q squeezes his waist and starts walking again. He supposes it must be. If Arthur is able to arrange and authorise protection for the Queen then it stands to reason he’s somewhere within the top level. “James?”

“Yes?”

“He knows, doesn’t he?”

James’ smile is both warm and kind. “Yes.”

Interesting that the first person James had introduced him to by name was probably someone he needn’t. Though, he’s probably right about not taking chances with Alfred.

“Are you a fan of trains?” James asks as they near the entrance to the museum.

“Not particularly, no. I see them as a feat of engineering and design, but I chose this place more for entertainment than interest.”

“I learn a new thing about you everyday,” James says fondly.

***

“This is surprisingly comfortable,” James admits, bouncing slightly on the seat.

Q smiles. “Given your extensive experience with trains all over the world, I’m guessing that’s a compliment?”

James takes his hand and kisses his hair. They are alone in their first class carriage but Q knows he’d have done so if it were full, so he relaxes into James’ arms and looks out the window.

“Yes. It’s absolutely a compliment. It’s like riding on a sofa.”

“Better than landing on one from a great hight.” Only James Bond would manage that after he’d collapsed a building.

James laughs. “Maybe not, no. But usually my time on trains is more… dramatic. I much prefer this, with you.”

Q sits up to get a better look at the rolling country side coming to life with spring that surrounds them. He’s so focussed on that and the sounds of the train that he almost misses James’ next words.

“Next time we could take the Eurostar to the continent, if you wanted to travel further afield.”

Q hides his smile by keeping his attention on the view.

“I only ask that you don’t take me to Paris.”

“Not a fan?”

“No. I found it underwhelming and very expensive.” R wasn’t too impressed either but they enjoyed the art galleries and museums well enough to justify their trip.

“I can’t really say I’m too fond of it myself, there are other places we could go.” There’s a hopeful tentativeness to his tone, a wish for a reassurance that he’s not willing - or able - to voice directly.

“If M will agree to let us take holiday together again,” Q agrees.

“He will,” James says it with so much certainty that it once again makes Q wonder exactly M said that evening at his flat.

He purposely keeps looking forwards and tries not to tense when James shifts over and kisses the back of his neck.

“Later?” James offers but it’s unclear whether he means an explanation regarding M or something else.

Q deflates and closes his eyes against the rush of sparks that dance across his skin at James’ touch.

It doesn’t seem right to be… aroused, but he can feel it starting to buzz through him. 

James rests his head on Q’s shoulder and sides his arms around his waist.

“Are you alright?” he asks.

Q settles back but doesn’t open his eyes, he gives the barest nod in answer but doesn’t speak.

They pull into the station that marks the halfway point and he calms his breathing carefully. James likely knows exactly what he’s feeling, it’s in his nature, but he refrains from calling him out on it.

Once his mind feels clear, and only the warm thrum of contentment remains, he turns his head and kisses James’ jaw.

“I need to switch sides,” Q tells him.

James chuckles. “It’s a very good thing we have this carriage to ourselves, then.”

They stand and resume their positions on the other side, and Q is grateful when James wraps his arms round his waist once more and holds him close. They have about ten minutes until they set off again, enough time for those who need to head to the restrooms or just take pictures.

Q lays his hands on top of James’ and snuggles in against his chest. James squeezes him tightly for a moment but he doesn’t repeat his previous actions, perhaps aware of how heightened Q’s senses currently are.

The train starts off back the way they came - after the engine moves from one end of the carriages to the other via the extra track.

“What do you want to do after this?” James asks.

“Spend too much in the gift shop?”

“And after that?”

Q chuckles. “Whatever you want.”

***

Whatever-James-wants ends up being large cups of tea, blankets and sitting in the library with the patio doors open.

The air is crisp and cool, brining with it the scent of spring flowers.

Q rests - once again - against James, warm enough and content but also confused. 

“M hasn’t told me most of the details,” James says, this at least gives Q some clarity. “He’s mostly just made assurances regarding whatever possible future we may have.” His words are tentative despite his deep, warm tone.

“As grateful as I am,” Q says. “I still don’t really know why. I know we’re here on holiday and I know M cares about his staff, but I can’t help feeling like…”

“We’re being kept out of the way,” James finishes for him.

“Yes.” He gets out his phone, checks the perimeter sensors and makes sure all is as it should be before he continues. “He’s sending care-packages to Q Branch, and I could tell he was keeping an eye on me during the few weeks of your… _not leaving_.” Q swallows. “He was making sure Eve and Tanner went home, took their days off… but he… If I had to guess I’d say he’s planning something. Something big, and he wants to make sure we’re not held responsible if it all goes wrong.”

James stays silent so Q carries on after a moment to gather his thoughts.

“I think he blames himself - when he really shouldn’t - for not knowing what C was really up to, for not being able to help you once we knew.”

“He doesn’t want us to be any more involved than we have to be,” James says at last and Q catches the regret but also the understanding in his tone.

“James, I’ve always known what I’m risking when I help you, and I always do it anyway.”

“Q, you got on a plane.”

“Precisely. You knew you were onto something and I chose to go to you, to warn you and, really, even though I convinced myself otherwise, to help. Moneypenny was already onboard and, in the end, Tanner and M joined us.”

They make a wonderful team, the group of them, standing at the helm of MI6. But there is a weight on M’s shoulders that Q doesn’t envy, one he does his best to make sure his staff avoid. 

“He isn’t at all what I expected when I met him,” James admits.

Q smiles fondly. “Am I?”

“Sometimes I think you’re what I hoped for, only better,” James tells him, squeezing Q’s waist and kissing his hair. “M really didn’t tell me too much. Nothing that doesn't involve Oberhauser. Though, I think you’re right. He’s trying to protect us. Which means whatever it is, it’s big.”

“So, what do we do?” Q asks, quietly sure he already knows the answer.

“We stay here, together, and enjoy our holiday. If M needs us he knows where to find us.”

“Hmm,” Q agrees. He knows what he would do - if it were up to him - and wonders if M will do the same.

***

It’s late - or early - when Q is woken by James moving back across the bed to answer his phone.

He doesn’t hide that he’s awake; instead he grabs his glasses and checks his own phone, **04:31**. No messages, no emails.

James is listening intently to whatever is being said but makes no move to leave the room for privacy. He does, however, sit up, so Q does the same.

“Yes, sir. I understand. Thank you, it’s appreciated.” James smiles and looks at Q. “Yes, I’ll be sure to let him know straight away. Goodnight sir. Yes, thank you, M. If I get permission, I will.” Then he ends the call, puts his phone back on the nightstand, and reaches for Q.

James cups his face with his hands and pulls him in for a deep kiss. One hand grips the back of his head and the other rests on his shoulder. Q falls into him, accepting the warm affection and tender kisses.

“I love you,” James says with the same tenderness when they part.

Q swallows and blinks, realising that the fear and trepidation that were present whenever he’s said those words before is absent.

“I love you too, James.” He, likewise, pushes back the pain those words sometimes cost him and instead lets the warmth and tender affection speak freely. 

In the low light of the room Q can just about see the shock and surprise on his face; James is looking at him as though he’s seeing him for the first time after a long separation. His fingers trace Q’s cheek, jawbone, chin... they run gently over his lips and sweep under his eyes.

The hand on his shoulder slides around his back as James holds Q close to him. His other hand is lost in Q's hair and he cradles his head against his own.

Q moves his arms automatically and holds onto James, both hands pressed firm against his back. James’s heart is hammering in his chest and he’s breathing like he’s trying to calm down.

Q wants to offer verbal comfort but he can’t think of what to say. He’s fairly certain what that call was but he knows James will tell him when he can.

“Simon?” James asks, the word crackles strangely on his tongue. Q really does prefer his title but if James wants to use it then he won’t stop him. “Q,” he adds, perhaps coming to the same conclusion.

“James,” he says, and waits. James’s heart rate slows to a more acceptable level and his breathing becomes far less ragged.

He pulls back and Q lifts his head to meet his eyes. Even in the low light he can see them, blue and open, disbelieving and hopeful all at the same time.

Q smiles and kisses him once, twice, slowly and gently. James responds each time and moves with him after he breaks away, chasing another kiss. Q smiles against his mouth and welcomes him, sighing out against his cheek when James’ kisses move down and along his jaw, his neck…

He gasps out as James’ mouth sends tingles of warm arousal through him. It’s not the rushed and desperate lust that can override everything else, it’s a wonderful, sparkling blaze of affection. Q doesn’t want him to stop; he lifts his hand and cups the back of James’ neck, stroking the short hairs as he communicates what he wants.

James sucks harder in response and Q lets out a quiet moan followed by a long sigh. James can cover his neck in love bites and he’ll love every second of it. He’ll also happily let the world judge him for it because it’s worth it, so very worth this.

By the time James moves away from his neck, Q is flushed with arousal from head to toe, as such, he’s relieved the duvet is still covering most of him. He’s not sure James wants to take this any further. 

His grin is somewhat rueful as he runs his fingers across the marks he’s just left. 

Q smiles and meets his mouth in a languid kiss, tilting his head to the side for better access as James rubs his tongue against Q’s.

Hands slide down Q’s back and rest low, just above the waistband of his pyjama bottoms. He wants - very badly - to turn further into James or pull him down into bed with him, but he needs to know what James is thinking; why he’s suddenly doing this. Now especially.

This doesn’t stop him from kissing James harder or moaning against his cheek when James goes back to his neck (the other side this time).

Q does fist his hand in James’ short hair, having reached a point where he really can’t restrain himself anymore.

He wants. _He really, really wants James_. But he loves him too much to take whats on offer without understanding what that is. It would be easy to kiss his way down James’ neck and return the favour, he’s sure he likes it as much as Q does but….

“I can feel you thinking,” James murmurs against his skin and Q sighs at the wave of sparks that dance along his nerves. “Do you want me to stop?” he asks, serious suddenly.

“No,” Q pants. “I would just feel better if I knew why.” Q admits; hiding won’t help either of them.

James sits back until he has his full attention. His eyes are glassy and he can’t quite stop touching Q but he’s patient and Q knows - if he asked - that James would back away completely.

“Because I can, now. You’ve wanted to, a few times, we both have but…”

Q nods. “I understand.” James’ mouth falls into a familiar, affectionate smile. “I really don’t want to stop unless you do.” James shakes his head. “We can talk in the morning.”

“Yes, we can.”

Q gives in and pulls James down with him, readjusting the duvet so they’re both under it; James is lying half over him and thoroughly aware of how interested Q is.

He arches up - just incase he has somehow missed it - and kisses him again and again and again.

James throws the duvet from them, pulls off his own top and helps Q do the same.

“Buttons, Q. You have several cardigans that zip up but your pyjamas have buttons.” James has already removed it before he stops complaining.

Q takes a chance and latches his mouth onto James’ neck. The responding moan is loud in his ear, loud and utterly wonderful.

“Q,” James breathes out. “Q…”

Q takes it as permission, moving back only to catch his breath as James collapses on his elbows. When he’s finished he barely has a minute so see his work before James is divesting them of the rest of their clothing and taking Q’s erection in hand.

He arches up and gasps, panting for breath and near shaking when he falls back against the mattress. He looks up at James and their eyes lock. James’ gaze is filled with tender affection and Q can’t help but reach for him.

“James…”

“Too much?” he asks, rueful smile in place. His eyes betray it easily, heat returning the closer he gets to Q.

He shakes his head.

“No.” He moves his legs so James can kneel comfortably between them.

“Q?”

“Come here,” he says, though by now they are inches apart.

James’ hand pulls up in a firm stroke along Q’s cock then lets go, supporting himself on his elbows as he bends to meet Q’s lips in a searing kiss.

He brings his legs up and around James’ waist and locks his ankles together, then he rolls his hips and rubs their erections together.

James sighs out against his mouth then kisses him again and again and again.

Q arches up, delighted when James’ eyes close and his forehead rests against his.

“Just so you know,” James says between breaths. “I’m clean.”

It’s too dark this close to see his eyes in anything more than shadows but Q can hear the reassurance in his voice. There are somethings James Bond won’t ever take chances on and he knows this is one of them.

“Me too,” he says.

James nods and the next time Q rolls up to rub against him James pushes down. Q moans and moves faster but he lets James set the pace. Left to him he’d rut blindly until he loses it.

James isn’t doing much better but his attentions are still tender. He has one hand tangled in Q’s hair and the other slides under his back to pull them closer together.

Distantly - past the building pleasure - Q wishes they could be closer still but there is time for that later, after… next time.

James trails kisses down his jaw, then latches his mouth underneath Q’s ear. Their cocks rub together - trapped against their stomachs - and Q is close, very, very close.

“James,” Q breathes, warning in his voice.

He hums in agreement and it rumbles so close to Q’s ear that it leaves him gasping. He moves his arms from James’ shoulders - where they have been gripping tightly - to his back and neck.

His nerves are singing and he’s almost there, one stroke, two strokes…. James’ face is buried in his neck, warm puffs of air against his skin, and he’s so close, surrounded by it.

Q arches up as he comes, spasms wracking his body. He sighs against James’ ear, and barely a moment later, feels James shudder and moan as he follows him over the edge.

Q turns to kiss his cheek, his ear, anything he can reach, accepting James’ full weight as he drops down onto him.

“I love you,” Q tells him tenderly as he strokes James’ hair.

He nuzzles his head against Q’s neck but doesn’t speak. Q is fairly sure he isn’t able to. That’s alright. If this is overwhelming for Q then it must be more so for James, and if he feels what might be tears against his neck, then it is what it is.

He holds tight and runs his fingers through James’ short blonde hair, then along his back for long minutes, until James loosens his hold and goes - after a kiss to Q’s forehead - to get something to clean them both up.

***

Curled together in bed afterwards, cleaned and duvet reinstated, Q lies with his head on James’ chest and listens to his heartbeat. 

Strong fingers run though his hair, tangle themselves in thick waves then release. James seems to relax more every time he does it, and it feels so comforting that Q finds himself leaning into his hand.

They’re both still naked - which for Q is unusual. He doesn’t enjoy sleeping without at least his underwear but he can tell James needs to be as close to him as possible in every way he can. So he leaves it be, finding that he doesn’t mind at all. It’s cool enough in the room for him to be pleasantly warm under the covers instead of sticky with sweat and over-heating.

Plus, he can feel every inch of James underneath him without the stirring of arousal to distract him.

A little while later, James’ hand stops it’s massage and a warm kiss is placed on his forehead.

“Turn over?” he suggests and Q smiles, rolling off his warm chest and settling on his side.

He hums in contentment when James wraps himself around him, tucking the duvet snuggly around them both.

“Good night, Q,” James whispers, nose ruffling his hair and words muffled as he speaks.

“Good night, James.” Q sighs out happily and lets himself drift back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the cameos ( **King Preussen**.... if your icon is an indication ^^... should know who these are - perhaps lots of other people do too ^^) are England - Arthur Kirkland, and America - Alfred F Jones, from Hetalia.... if anyone has ever stumbled upon any of my hetalia fanfiction on ff.net then they'll know that the cottage at the steam railway is where I imagine them spending their holiday time whilst in the UK.


	8. Arreton Barns Craft Village

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _For a moment every nerve in Q’s body vibrates with it; a wonderful resonance of joy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Photos for the locations can be found [here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com/post/168475512868/arreton-barns-craft-village-isle-of-wight-to)

He still wakes up to James’ arms locked tightly around him, and once again he’s not sure if James is asleep or awake.

It doesn’t stop him from wriggling in James’ hold to turn around and slide his arms around his back as best he can.

James’ arms do loosen a little but it doesn’t mean he’s sleeping…. it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t, but it breaks Q’s heart just a little bit to wake up and feel James holding onto him for dear life.

“I love you.” James’ voice, rough with sleep, breaks through the silence.

For a moment every nerve in Q’s body vibrates with it; a wonderful resonance of joy.

He smiles and kisses James’ chest.

“I love you too.” No sorrow, no pained words. Relief, honest relief and quiet joy.

“I’ll make breakfast when you’re ready,” James offers.

“I need a shower first.”

James’ chuckle is warm against his ear. “Take your time.”

***  
Q doesn’t rush himself - unlike James who’s in and out with military precision. 

He plays last night over in his mind, finding a warm buzz of affection and contentment with absolutely no embarrassment.

It’s strange, in retrospect, for him to have no regrets or concerns. His previous relationships were both sexual but it took time for him to be comfortable. He’s already pretty far past that with James and he doesn’t think it’s just because he’s so much older now.

He dries off, forces a brush through his hair, dresses and slides his glasses on. Then he takes a deep breath, grabs his phone and slides it into his pocket. He doesn’t know for certain but he suspects R may contact him - maybe even Eve- it depends on how much they know.

He walks slowly down the stairs and stands in the kitchen doorway, watching James as he’s taken to doing in the mornings.

So far, they haven’t eaten in very much; most of their meals have been at the various places they’ve visited.

Breakfast, though, that’s a staple they’ve been in for everyday.

James normally cooks sausages, eggs, and toast but this morning it looks like poached eggs and english muffins.

Q smiles and steps into the kitchen proper, heading straight for his freshly prepared mug of tea.

He takes a seat at the table and chuckles quietly at the hollandaise sauce on the table.

“I can hear that,” James remarks, putting Q’s plate down in front of him and kissing his cheek as he does.

“It looks lovely, thank you.”

James joins him and rests his legs against Q’s underneath the table. Q moves his right foot to rest between James’ and smiles over the rim of his mug.

They’re mostly finished with their breakfast when James finally speaks.

“Oberhauser is dead.” Q nods but doesn’t want to interrupt, preferring to stay silent and let James talk. “M dealt with him personally.”

“Oh.”

James meets his gaze. “He said they had everything they could get, so M did what had to be done. It’s been sanctioned.”

Q nods. “After everything with C and MI5 I’m not surprised. M would have had overriding authority as well, if he deemed it necessary.” … M does also have two confirmed kills - four now - C and Oberhauser included."

James seems confused by Q’s certainty and it occurs to him that he might not know.

“Bond,” Q says, inwardly amused by his slip back to work titles. “Gareth Mallory is technically a Double-O.”

“Technically?”

“Yes. The reorganisation of MI6 after the merger made him officially the head of the Double-O division and an agent by default. A grounded agent, certainly, but he has a licence to kill.”

Q can see it all fall into place behind James’ blue eyes, and one side of his mouth quirks up in a smile. 

“He told us - myself, Moneypenny and Tanner - at his house a few nights after…. everything.”

“I suspected. He was also secret service for a long time before he took a desk job.”

“He took that voluntarily.”

James hums. “I know.” His smile is warm now and Q understands. M would have explained his choices to James when he went to see him; to convince him, it would seem, to consider his options. That he didn't tell him everything is interesting, but knowing M as he has come to, he wouldn’t bother with irrelevant details.

“What happens now?” Q asks. “M asked you for something, something he wanted my permission for.”

James laughs and takes Q’s hand from across the table.

“We continue with our holiday, here. M, Eve and - I’m sure - R, will keep us up to date on anything important.” He grins. “M wants postcards.”

Q laughs, relieved and amused. 

“Okay, but just M, maybe R as well.”

“I promise.”

Q nods, then takes a breath. “Are you alright?” James flinches - it’s so slight Q only notices because of the close attention he’s paying. “You don’t have to say anything, just know that you can, if you need to.” He’s said it all before and he’ll likely keep having to say it, but it’s not something to shy away from. He and James are now each others to care about. Q won’t belittle him but he refuses to pretend everything’s okay when it’s not.

James nods his head slowly then regards Q very seriously.

“Last night….” he trails off and looks away.

“Is not something I regret,” Q says firmly, watching as the tension seeps out of James.

“I… needed to make sure. I wanted to know that he couldn’t…” This time he looks down at the table but his hand holding Q’s holds tighter.

“I understand.” He does. Even knowing Oberhauser was lying and overplaying his influence; he still understands why James wanted to wait. Why the words hurt so much to say before, despite the inherent truth of them.

James has seen Q’s house, his security systems both there and here, the meticulous attention to detail he gives to all areas of his work and life. All of it to make sure there is as little risk as possible when something - or someone - really matters.

Q stands, not letting go of James’ hand.

“Come on,” he says, tugging on his arm. 

James’ chair scrapes back against the tiled floor and then he’s stood, slightly awkward and unsure, blue eyes darting to Q’s then away again.

Q tilts his head and studies him, studies a man he’s getting to know better and better as each day passes. A man recovering from a trauma he’s barely come to terms with. Q wonders how much would have changed if he’d realised how genuine James’ affections have always been… but somehow he doesn’t think it would’ve been much help… It may have even made things much worse.

“James,” he says quietly, softly. He traces his fingers along James’ jaw, cups his face and brings his eyes in line with his. Then he squeezes his hand, lets go and draws him into a hug, arms warm and solid around his back and shoulders.

James wraps his arms around him and holds him closely, almost as tightly as he does every morning. So Q tightens his arms and squeezes as hard as he can. His strength isn’t anything compared to a fully trained Double-O but it’s firm enough, he hopes, to ease some of James’ pain.

He feels, rather than hears, the gasp against his skin, and a long, firm kiss pressed into his neck just above the collar of his shirt.

Q breathes as best he can, quiet and controlled. James isn’t shaking they way he had in the early hours of the morning but it all feels very tentative. 

Eventually, James’ hold loosens and Q’s along with it.

“Thank you, Q,” he whispers before stepping back, sliding his hands down Q’s arms and taking gentle hold of his hands.

“I think you should bring a couple of those postcards you bought and we’ll write them to M and R when we get there.”

James sounds surprised when he laughs, leaning in for a quick kiss.

“Are you sure you want to leave Eve out?”

Q’s smile is wide and unashamed. “Oh, I have a plan for that.”

***

James drives and Q watches the world go by out the window. Miles and miles of country side and small, beautiful, idyllic villages.

It reminds him of his grandparents house in Little Rissington. He closes his eyes at the fond memory of a summers spent with them in their beautiful house in the village.

It was - as most people say - a simpler time, at least on the surface.

Looking back he knows that wasn’t quite true, he was ignoring a situation that scared him. He buried himself in books and focussed on finding his way round his grandmother’s computer, rather than face what was happening.

“Q?” James’ voice cuts through his thoughts.

“Are we here?” he asks, turning to see James grinning as he concentrates on the road.

“Almost. I was just making are you were still with me.” He disguises his concern well but Q suspects he deliberately lets some of it show.

He’s more than a little moved by the realisation and he wonders if James catches it in his expression in the mirror.

“The last village we drove through reminded me of my grandparents village in Gloucestershire.”

James grins. “You did look a little wistful.”

“Hm, yes. It was lovely.”

“Was?”

Q nods. “They moved a few years ago to be closer to me.”

“They sound wonderful.”

“Yes, they are. I was living in a small flat by myself at the time so, when they asked me to move in with them, I agreed straight away.” He hesitates and James notices.

“Q?”

“R moved in with us as soon as she was cleared, she still lives there now.”

James smiles in a way that says ‘of course she does.’

They turn and drive along the gravel drive to a car park that states - on several signs - NO COACH PARTIES. Q grins and shakes his head. It’s a sign both of how popular they must be and how committed they are to preserving their attractions. He’s researched this place and knows that it’s simply because it’s not big enough to accommodate such large influxes of people, especially at peak times of the year.

It warms his heart and it’s a part of the reason he chose it.

They get out of the car and head over to the entrance.

“A farm shop, a craft village and a ship wreck centre. Anyone would think your inner hipster had chosen this place,” James remarks. 

“Or my inner pirate,” he quips. “If we’re going with our nautical theme…” James’ career started in the Navy after all and Q is, of course, the Quartermaster.

“It’s that why we’re here?” James asks, completely unconvinced.

Q laughs. “No, not really. It just looked like a really nice place to visit.”

James takes his hand and weaves their fingers together.

“I’m not opposed and it means we won’t have to stop anywhere on the way back. I can get everything I need from here.”

Q smiles, leans in and kisses James’ cheek.

“And we can visit the Dairyman’s Daughter for lunch,” Q adds, pointing to the sign leading to the pub.

“Of course we can. Come on.”

***

Arreton Barns Craft Village is a wonderful series of free-standing or interlinking huts and small sheds. There is also a very impressive - if small - glass works in the middle of it. 

Q and James spend a couple of hours going through them all.

Art galleries, craft shops - there’s even a small arcade with vintage and older games machines that gets Q distracted for a while.

James seems more amused by all the original signage and advertisements lining some of the walkways. It’s mostly either been donated or salvaged from all over the island and, he thinks, the country. 

They do visit the Dairyman’s Daughter for lunch then head up to the ship wreck centre. They write their postcards, James shakes his head with barely repressed laughter when he watches Q use an online service to send Eve a picture of his cats as a postcard. They post R and M’s on the way out.

Q takes photographs - as does James - but mostly they take in the quiet and relaxing atmosphere the place has. It’s not empty but the other visitors seem equally content to take their time.

Q - to James’ apparent amusement - buys a few small gifts for R, his grandparents (now he feels comfortable with James knowing about them) and Eve.

He also spends more than he intended in the traditional sweet shop.

“What?” he asks James. “We are on holiday.”

James shakes his head fondly and pays for everything before Q can step in.

The lady behind the counter hides her amused laughter well but the young man next to her keeps looking between them like he can’t figure out their relationship.

Q leans into James’ side but doesn’t turn to see if the man has finally figured it out. James does.

“I think he got the message.”

“I had thought it was obvious,” Q agrees. James puts his arm around his waist. “Though you can’t blame him for his curiosity; we do make an interesting couple.”

“We are unfairly attractive,” James says, voice low and right against Q’s ear.

Q turns his head and presses a firm kiss against James’ cheek. He wants to contradict him but finds the warm from the compliment overrides it. He’ll bask in the love and admiration of this man for as long as he can.

“Anywhere else you want to see or should we head to the farm shop?”

“Farm shop,” Q says. “As long as you’re the one cooking when we get back. As happy as I am to be your su-chef; I don’t cook unless I have to.”

“I have noticed,” James tells him fondly. “All I require is your company while I cook.”

“Just while you cook?” Q asks, feeling more playful.

James laughs. “Obviously not. It is normally voluntary but this evening it’s required.”

Q doesn’t voice the thoughts and accompanying heat that runs through him, James can see it in his eyes when they meet.

James’ grin is equal parts feral and joyful.

***

R calls when they’re preparing dinner, and after a nod from James he answers.

“Good evening, R. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 _“I’m alone in your lab with total privacy,”_ she tells him. _“And I’m not going to say anything your traveling companion can’t hear.”_

Q smiles and catches James’ attention to let him know he can stop pretending that he can’t hear them.

“Go ahead, R.”

_“You already know about last night, don’t you.”_

“Yes. We were updated immediately,”

_“M said that you were. He spoke to me, Moneypenny and Tanner early this morning in a full briefing. There’s an awful lot going on here. He’s started separation proceedings, reversing the merger and not taking no for an answer and the case he’s building is fearsome. I should know; I’ve been helping. The whole of Q Branch has been busy sifting through all the information and the computers we’ve gotten a hold of. My priority has been Spectre - this is really why I called you. I’ve also visited your cats.”_

Q smiles. “How are they?”

_“A bit peeved but very happy. They seemed pleased to see me.”_

“I’m sure they were. There are supposed to be cats here but they’ve not made an appearance since we arrived.”

She chuckles. _“I’ll send you some pictures.”_

The line falls into silence. “R? is everything alright?”

 _“Oh, sorry. I’ve actually just sent them to you.”_ She yawns. _“M sent me home yesterday evening, ordering me to relax and get a good nights sleep before reporting back early this morning. The only thing I could think of to do was sit with Feynman and Tesla for a while to calm me down.”_

“They are very good at that. My offer for you to bring them home with you still stands, R. They won’t mind as long as they’re somewhere familiar.”

He can hear the smile in her voice when she answers. _“I might, I really might. But I’ll tell you when I do, okay?”_

“Okay.”

He takes moment to look at the pictures of R and the cats, switching R to speaker phone as he does.

_“As I said, I called to give you an update. M would like me to let you know - again - that Q Branch will stay as is; he’s keeping full control in your hands and won’t let anyone over rule me in your place.”_

Q smiles and walks over to James, wanting to be near him.

James kisses his forehead then turns back to the stove.

“You’re very good at what you do, R. I have every confidence.”

_“I know you do. It always means a lot. Anyhow, it now looks as though Mr. White did move over from Quantum to Spectre, though it’s very likely he knew of the latter the whole time. It’s almost as though Quantum was his audition piece. Greene may have worked with a couple of Spectre’s incorporated entities, as you will, but wouldn’t have known them by name. By the way, is their logo supposed to be a ghost or an octopus?”_

Q looks to James - who’s smirking - and holds the phone between them.

“Octopus. It was meant to represent branches working together and separating as needed,” James explains.

_“Oh, well, thank you. That clears that part up. Greene didn’t know who he was dealing with and would have used Quantum to try and take them down - as he had with other organisations in the past.”_

“So that somewhat reduces their size and influence,” Q says.

_“Yes. I mean, they were still massive. Both C and the former Home Secretary - did you know he’s been removed from office and is now in questioning? - were part of it.”_

Q didn’t but James nods when R mentions it so Q assures her he does.

_“Even tracking down the parts of it that we know about is keeping everyone busy, but I know you wanted to know about this so that’s all the revenant parts, for now.”_

“Thank you, R.”

_“Q?”_

“Hm?”

 _“How are you? really?”_ Her voice is quieter so Q walks away from James to the other side of the kitchen, talking the phone off speaker as he does.

“I’m fine, I promise. Much better than I have been for a while.”

R lets out a sigh of relief. _“I’ve been hoping you would say that but I didn’t want to assume.”_

Q smiles fondly - she never does. “How are you? Honestly?”

_“Fine. Really and actually fine. I’m really enjoying this; figuring it all out, using everything you’ve taught me. I do miss you, though.”_

“I miss you, too. I miss everyone from home.”

R hums. _“You’ve told him? That answers the question I didn’t know how to ask. Have you told him the whole story or just the basics?”_

“Just the basics.”

_“If it does, or if you want to tell him, you don’t have to hide any of the parts that involve me. I’ve told him bits of it already.”_

“He’s told me you talk to him all the time, I hadn’t realised.”

R chuckles. _“I think to start with he was trying to stay out of your way but be close to you at the same time. Then we just started to talk when he came in and I was free. He cares… he just didn’t know how to show it… or didn’t think he should. I can tell you now, I suppose, that I was furious when I found out he’d left you on that bridge. It felt so wrong. I’m glad he worked out whatever he needed to, I’m happy he’s with you.”_

“I am too,” Q admits softly, looking at James as he starts to plate everything up.

_“I’ll leave you to it. I’m heading home soon myself. M is very insistent we don’t burn ourselves out. I did thank him for the mug again, I think it helped.”_

“Get home safely and give them my love.”

_“Do you want me to tell them anything about where you might be or who you’re with?”_

Q smiles and huffs out a small laugh. “They’ll find out soon enough, so will you.”

R laughs. _“let me guess, postcard?”_

“It was James’ idea.”

 _“Does he know that you keep all the ones he sends you, or where you keep them?”_ she asks, quieter.

“No. Maybe when we get back.” He thinks of the drawer and swallows. The sorrow of those few weeks seems like a lifetime ago.

_“Maybe. Goodnight, Q. Tell James I said the same, I’ll speak to you soon.”_

“Goodnight, R and thank you.”

James calls out. “Goodnight, R.”

 _“Any time,”_ she says and hangs up.

“R sends her love and has confirmed that Greene knew nothing of Spectre, but Mr. White used Quantum as his audition and was, by the sounds if it, playing both sides.”

James nods and places their plates on the table. He doesn’t say anything but there is a light in his eyes and the small smile he offers Q is warm.

***


	9. A Night in the Cottage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Can I ask you more about your grandparents?”_
> 
> _Q smiles and takes a long drink._
> 
> _“You can, yes.”_

Q gets a bottle of Kopparberg from the fridge for himself, James has already poured himself a glass of water. Q has studiously avoided any further comments about how little James is drinking. He hasn’t stopped but it remains dramatically reduced. 

“It’s good,” Q reassures. James can cook very well, much better than he can. He wonders when he learnt and why but finds he doesn’t need an answer to this mystery.

“Thank you. We can eat here more often if you want to,” he offers.

“I’ll bare that in mind but I am enjoying eating at a new place everyday.”

James grins and nudges his feet underneath the table.

“Can I ask you more about your grandparents?”

Q smiles and takes a long drink.

“You can, yes.”

“Q.” James raises his eyebrows.

“What would you like to know? I’m not trying to avoid the question but it’s a broad topic of conversation.”

“Fair enough. Whatever you want me to know.”

Q nods, finished his food and decides to start at the beginning.

“It will come as no surprise to you that I’m an only child.”

James raises his eyebrows and leans his elbows on the table. “It doesn’t.”

“I moved in with my grandparents when I was twelve. I remember it being strange, at first, to be there in the winter when I’d only ever seen it in the summer. I wasn’t a very exciting child. I went to school, kept my head down and did very well. It gave me time to read, learn to code and take things apart.” He looks up and James has such a warm smile on his face that Q feels his cheeks heat. “What?”

He shakes his head. “Carry on.”

“James.”

“I just didn’t expect something so… normal. I genuinely used to think that maybe you’d been a child genius who graduated University aged 14.”

Q chuckles fondly and shakes his head. “No. My grandparents have always advocated living a life with balanced interests so I expanded mine - outside of school - as widely as I could. They kept me up to date with computing and also instilled my ‘strong moral compass’.” James nods. “I moved away when I went to university but they still visited at least once -if not twice - a term and we would speak on the phone as well as write to each other every week or so.” 

“You didn’t email?”

“It always felt a tad too impersonal, and I found the pile of letters I accumulated in my drawers comforting.” He looks away for a moment, again feeling as though he’s baring more of himself than he means to, wondering if James will connect the dots.  
James doesn’t say anything to break the silence and Q can’t quite look at him. James still doesn’t know about the drawer and now isn’t the time. He’s hoping it will be a pleasant surprise when they return.

“I made a few friends, and my relationships you already know about. There isn’t too much else to tell, I worked hard, made an agreement between the computer science and maths departments and ended up effectively building enough credits for two degrees instead of a joint honours and then, well, as I said, you know the rest.”

“I do, and you know about my military career and my language degree.”  
Q smiles and looks at him, blue eyes glinting in a shared memory. Some within MI6 took 007’s reputation as a blunt instrument to mean he’s nothing more than a weapon, but those who know better sometimes get to use it to a shared advantage.

“A closely guarded secret, I assure you.”

James laughs. “Do you want to move to the front room?”

“Oh, yes. We should.”

They put the plates in the sink and Q makes them tea, grabbing a packet of biscuits and heading for their favourite couch. He spends a couple of minutes looking at all the pictures of his cats that R sent to him and stroking his phone screen fondly.

James chuckles as he sits down.

“The owner might have taken the cats with her, it would explain why we haven't seen them. I’ll ask her on Friday.”

“Who is she?” Q asks, putting his phone away again.

“Kincade’s great niece. She was born and grew up here but I’d never met her, it came up in conversation the last time he was in London.”

Q hums his agreement gently, knowing when that was.

“So,” James continues. “How did you end up offering your services to MI6?”

Q settles down against James and slides their palms together, folding his fingers around James’ and squeezing.

“I’d noticed a few of my papers gaining some… unusual attention and started to research a few of the people who attended my talks… once I was sure who they were, I applied to save them the trouble.”

“Was this your programming safeguards?”

Q laughs brightly. “Yes, though they showed interest in several of my side projects as well. I’m not sure if that’s because they were actually interested or trying not to look too obvious. It was M who gave me my job, by the way, she officially recruited me.”

“Of course she did.” He's smiling, lips quirked up in the fond way he seems to have when talking about those he cares - or cared - for. “She probably thought you’d shake things up a bit. Did she approve R, too?”

“Yes, but as the head of MI6 that wasn’t too unusual. Tanner provisionally approved her application but M took notice because my name was on the referral.”

“Hm, very true. She recruited Moneypenny, Tanner and me as well.”

“Just how many people’s files have you hacked?” Q sits up to glare at him properly.

“Before you became Q? Anyones I wanted. After? Only those you let me into.”

“That’s not as small as selection as you make it sound.”

“True.” He shakes his head and reaches with his free hand to run his fingers through Q’s hair in motions that are - he’s sure - meant to make it appear as though he’s just moving it out from over his glasses. 

Q leans into the touch, rubbing against James’ palm and encouraging him. He shifts and instead sits on James’ lap, feet up and along the sofa and head resting on his shoulder. 

James has one warm hand on his back and the other held in his. It’s comforting, warm and Q feels safer than he has in a very long time.

“I do just have a couple more questions,” James says at last, earning a chuckle from Q and a kiss pressed firm against his jumper.

“Go on.”

“Why did your grandparents move to London and how the hell did you meet R,” he asks, content to press kisses in Q’s hair and rub his hand up and along his back.

“My grandparents said they’d started to feel disconnected with the village, so they sold their house to my cousin and her husband then moved to London. I tried to stop them, I thought they were only doing it for my sake but they really weren’t, at least not completely. I moved in once they’d been cleared, once I was happy with the security of the house and… once they’d agreed to let me get Feynman.”

James chuckles and it wafts Q’s hair.

“With regards to R, it might be best to start with what you know already.”

“She told me you'd put in a good word for her, that you supported her through her PhD and that she loves you like a brother, though I hadn’t realised quite how literally she meant that.”

Q nuzzles in closer, breathing in the scents and sounds of James.

“She also told me that someone hurt her very badly and that her upbringing was…. difficult.”

Q nods against his chest.

“To put it mildly, yes. But she’s safe now, on all fronts.” He considers for a moment how much to say.

“I did offer my services should she ever require them,” James tells him.

Q tips his head up, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re actually close to R, aren’t you.”

“There aren’t too many people where we work who are prepared to take the time to get to know people and accept them for who they are. It’s always going to be the nature of the job. She does, in fact most of Q Branch does. It doesn’t mean she isn’t careful and she guards her privacy more than most but… I trust her, maybe a little more than I did because it would seem she doesn’t relay much at all back to you when we talk.”

Q winces. “She’s always told me to take you more seriously.”

James smiles and tips his head down to rub their noses together, mindful to avoid Q’s glasses. “Well her advice does seem to have worked, and I do understand your reluctance.”

Q breathes out a sigh against James mouth and kisses him lightly before snuggling back down again.

“I met her on a bridge one evening in the docklands. She was just staring out at the water, she’d been visiting the city with some friends but couldn’t convince herself to go home. It was early evening with plenty of people around but something about it bothered me. She was holding onto the chainlink with her suitcase between her and the fence, she seemed to be holding on for dear life; so I introduced myself.”

“And she trusted you?”

“I showed her my ID card, the one I was told to use in any kind of civilian situation - after checking she wasn’t bugged or a plant - but I was there entirely by accident and no one else knew my location.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“Anyway, I could tell how wary she was and how surprised. So I just stood with her for a while and looked out at the water. I asked her if she’d let me take her to a nearby coffee shop and she accepted, though she kept looking around her to make sure there were other people about. She relaxed and it turned out we had a lot in common, same university and she even studied maths, but we’re five years apart in age so we wouldn’t have met before.” 

He can still remember how much her hands were shaking around the mug of tea he’d ordered for her when she’d all but collapsed into the chair he lead her to. He’d got a small selection of cakes too and the look of relief on her face was so genuine that it had made him smile and warmed his heart. As much as he’d been enjoying his job…. it sometimes left him feeling a tad empty, never getting to see the face to face result of his work.

“She confessed a little of what had happened to her so I asked if she had somewhere to stay for the night, it was getting later and later, and she visibly deflated. So I took her to a near-by approved hotel and booked her into a room - she protested but I insisted and gave her my contact details after promising to meet her for breakfast.”

“How long ago was this?”

“I was twenty six, R twenty two - just. She’d graduated with a Masters a few months previously and had been trying to settle in to her first job amid a very unpleasant personal situation. I had a good feeling about her so I looked her up and once I’d checked her background details I flagged her as a recruitment interest then headed home.”

“You went back to work?”

“Of course, I was technically on holiday but it felt important to check, I had a good feeling and I wanted to help.”

“She must have agreed.”

“Yes, she was surprised at the suggestion but she didn’t have anything else to lose so she applied.”

James draws him closer and runs his thumb over the back of his hand.

“That doesn’t explain how she came to live with you.”

“Ah, no. She was, of course, offered accommodation by MI6 in an approved building, either on her own or with a roommate. She did accept but I went to speak to Tanner and M, then my grandparents.. and finally I asked R if she wanted to come and live with us, after knowing what she’d gone through I didn’t want her to spend more time without knowing what it could feel like to be part of a family.”

“How bad was it?”

“Bad. She had had her sir-name change authorised already and willingly took mine when offered, legally becoming my sister in the process. I don’t know where her parents are, only that they left the country shortly after R left them, and they haven’t come back.”

“Was that you as well?”

“No, I didn’t have anything to do with that. I’ve also never asked anyone higher up. Tanner once told me that we look after our own as well as we can, so I left it at that.”

“Fair enough.” They are quiet for a while, Q listening to James’s heart beat below his ear, the ebb and flow of his breathing and the soothing warmth of being wrapped in his arms. 

“Q?” He manages to say his title like a whole name and it resonates in his mind like a warm rumble.

“Yes?”

“You do seem to trust a select few of us implicitly and very quickly.”

“Yes, I suppose I do.” A very select few, he doesn’t add, as James already knows.

Silence settles again but Q finds he has something he wants to say, incase James’ thoughts are heading where he thinks they are. “I just wanted you to be happy. After everything. Even if it wasn’t with me.” James’ arms still. “I’m very glad it is with me, happier - almost - than I know how to express. I didn't want to, but I loved you enough to let you go, even if it meant me never telling you how I felt.”

“I love you too much to stay away,” James admits, pressing his face into Q’s hair.

“James.” Q shifts in his arms until they’re eye level. “I won’t ever ask you to.”

He smiles as Q leans in, pressing gentle kisses against his cheek, then lining their mouths up just right to feel the full effect of James’ lips against his own.

Warm breath puffs out against his cheek when they part, James helps him to sit with his legs straddling his lap and Q loops his arms round James’ neck.

“Here.” James removes his glasses carefully and puts them on the sofa next to them. When he wraps his arms around Q again he hides his face in James’ neck and breathes him in.

He’s overwhelmed and overcome, he needs time to process this and get his head around everything that’s happened in the week since they arrived… since the morning in his office.

If he can barely understand this he has no idea how James is coping at all - even given a few weeks with a therapist.

“Q?” James says softly, minutes later once they’ve started to calm down and warmth is once again blooming in Q’s chest, shimmering over him every time James’ hands run up and down his back.

He nods but doesn’t reply with words, he can’t seem to form any, and all he wants is to stay exactly where he is. He presses his lips into James’ neck and smiles against his skin when he feels him shiver.

“Will you let me take you to bed?”

“Does that mean what I think it means?” Q asks, his mouth is still against James’ neck. 

James lets out a sigh that ends on a groan.

“Yes.”

“Good.”

It’s a little awkward but James stands and carries him up the stairs, making sure to bring his glasses with them.

Q slips back to the ground once the bedroom door is closed behind them, and promptly slips off his socks, trousers and watch, accepting his glasses from James and putting them back on. He’s left stood there in his tee shirt and boxers but he’s not confident enough to strip naked just yet.

James matches his state of undress and Q smiles at him warmly, reaching for him and bringing him in for a long, slow kiss, tender and languid, full of affection but not hurried.

He holds Q’s face in his hands when they part and studies him. Q tries to hold James’ gaze but it’s intense and full of so many things he barely glimpsed the night before in the low light of the room.

He feels so much of it reflected in his own heart that he is at once relieved and terrified. 

James notices and pulls him back against him. Q goes willingly, shivering but not from the cold. The skin on skin contact is soothing, wonderful and shines bright in his mind.

“I love you, Q,” he says, breath warm and voice deep against his ear (being almost the same height has so many different advantages).

“I love you too.” He hopes saying those words never gets old, that he always means them as he does now.

“Q?”

“Hm?”

“Do you have-”

Q’s laugh cuts him off. “Yes, of course I do. I’m always prepared… even if most of the time it ends up going to waste. Do you mean to tell me you’re not?” He pulls back just enough to see James’ rueful expression.

“In my suitcase, in the other room. I didn't want to assume. I wasn’t sure when - or if - we’d need them.”

Q bites his lip to stop how wide his smile is getting. “Utterly wonderful and utterly fuckable,” he remarks.

James is caught between a smile and a laugh, awkwardly choking off was he was going to say.

“Everything is in my bedside cabinet; second drawer down. You can take inventory if you like? I have no idea if it meets your standards. R tends to lease with medical with regards to contraceptives and safe sex,” Q explains.

“She takes far too much pleasure and amusement in doing so,” James says. “Anything you have will be fine, but, Q, when you say fuckable?” His eyes and expression are open, carefully not revealing anything else.

Q feels his cheeks, face and neck heat in quick succession. _Shit._

“It has been a very long time since I’ve done either, it would be better to ask if you have a preference.”

James’ eyes widen just slightly and a spark of warmth flickers through them. Q wonders if it’s not a question he’s regularly asked; if he hasn’t pursued anyone outside of the field for years - by his own admission - then it may well be true. He doesn’t look hurt to scarred or affects by it so Q doesn’t think he’s opening any of James’ healing wounds.

“I don’t think anyone has ever asked me before, not that I can remember.”

Q’s smile is decidedly cheeky. “That isn’t an answer.”

James’ hands slide down Q’s back and settle there, his head tipped back just enough to see his face.

“I wouldn’t mind if you…” his eyes dip down to Q’s crotch.

Q squints his eyes as he studies James, trying to read between the lines. He could tease, he could request an honest and straight forward answer…. but either approach would miss the mark.

“I would be delighted,” he says, choosing his own honesty rather than force it from the man in his arms.

James’ relief is almost palpable, his smile lovely and warm, his eyes kind as his shoulders drain of tension. He is both handsome and beautiful all at the same time and Q can’t help but kiss him soundly; a long, lingering press of his mouth to James’.

Q does worry, as they set about getting properly undressed then prepared, that he’s taking a much too organised and scientific approach to this. He thinks it must be unwarranted as James’ erection barely ebbs at all and his own arousal is a constant thrum as they laugh and kiss, roll and tease.

When he insists on keeping this glasses on until he needs to remove them, James squeezes down on the fingers Q is using to prepare him and he yelps, before removing them and sitting back; telling James he can prepare himself.

They compromise, one then the other, kisses becoming more insistent and hands roaming farther. When there is less talk, less laugher, James breathes out ‘Q’ in a long, light moan, Q shivers from head to toe…. a tide of warmth flows through him.

They clean their hand with the wipes by the side of the bed. Q grabs a condom, rolls it on and lines up. He is actually shaking, thankfully less from nerves and more from arousal. James is panting, legs spread and erection standing proud.

Q lines up and presses in slowly, carefully. James keeps himself relaxed, focusses his eyes on Q and waits.

“Surely you can take them off now,” he remarks breathlessly, and when he reaches for Q’s glasses he is met with no resistance.

Q is too intensely focussed on staying still and keeping himself upright. He’s enveloped in heat and, though he is waiting for James’ signal, he’s also taking the time to compose himself.

“Q?” James asks, prompting him to open his yes… he can’t exactly remember closing them.

“Sorry, just, ah…” James smiles as he squeezes around Q, so Q smiles back.

“What?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Q nods and pulls back, pushing forwards again but keeping a slow speed, getting himself used to the feel of James all around him - lest it be over too soon.

James’ hands roam over his back, up to his shoulders and down again, trailing sensation in their wake and making Q’s eyes roll back in his head.

When he chances a look he can see James’ pupils blown with arousal, he’s almost straining for Q, asking wordlessly to be closer.

Q obliges him, drops to his elbows and brings their mouths together in a kiss. His rhythm stutters when James’ tongue slides along his and a moan rumbles deep in his chest. Every time he moves he brushes first lightly, then firmly, against James’ erection. He’s delighted - if overcome - by the pleased sounds brushing against his lips.

As wonderful as it all is, Q is aware he won’t last much longer, and when strong hands cup his arse and stay there he realises it must be the same for James.

He keeps up his movements; deep thrusts, lighter, quicker, then deep again, and makes sure to keep the pressure on James’ cock trapped between them.

“Q?” James pants. “Don’t hold back.”

Q laughs. “What on earth makes you think I am?” he retorts, groaning through his teeth then burying his face against James’ neck.

When James comes he groans out, clamping down on Q’s cock. It sends ripples of pleasure along it and orgasm shuddering though him as he holds himself deep inside James, riding out the delightful spasms as they wrack their bodies.

James turns his head and noses at Q’s forehead until he moves, immediately greeted by smiling blue-blue eyes and a long, languid kiss.

“I love you, Q,” James tells him reverently, closing his yes when Q replies in kind, kissing anywhere on his face he can reach, trying to catch his breath along the way.

“Shower?” he suggests, pulling out carefully and dealing with the condom, then cleaning them both off with a wet wipe.

“We won’t both fit in there, I barely fit in there,” James remarks as his fingers trace invisible patterns on Q’s things.

“I bought a shower attachment for the bath up here when we were first in Newport, that will certainly be big enough.” He does his best to use his exasperated expression that he usually reserves for explaining basic instructions to people who don’t listen.

James - who has frequently been exposed to it in the past - chuckles lightly.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to stop being surprised with your resourcefulness.”

“Hmm good,” Q says, kissing James on the nose. “Go and get your towels, I’ll meet you in there.”

***

It’s still an odd arrangement.

The bath - despite being big enough for them both to comfortably lie and stand in - doesn’t lend its self too well as a shower for two.

They are both more amused by it than annoyed, and as James pointed out, if they’d just wanted a quick, normal shower, they’d have taken turns down stairs.

As it is, James insists on washing Q’s hair... Which then becomes James washing the rest of him… which leads to him sucking Q off afterwards - Q resting on the ledge of the bath and the tiled wall to try and catch his breath whilst James looks up at him smugly.

“That was…” he takes deep breaths, steadying himself. “My turn?”

“Only if you want to, but it won’t take much,” James admits, cheeks flushing as Q looks between his legs. “And it doesn’t look like you can hold yourself up,” he adds cheekily.

James reaches for him before Q can prove him wrong, he takes his hand gently - making it clear that if he resists at all; James will stop.

Q slides his fingers around James’ cock, pulling upwards in a firm stroke. When James’ hand overlaps his he starts, not expecting it.

“Are you… are you sure you don’t” he asks against James’ mouth.

“I’m… oh… sure.” He smiles and Q kisses him, not at all caring where his mouth has been.

James is right; it doesn't take long. Q kisses and strokes him through it, letting him sit down in the bath then taking care to wash him in return. He’s methodical and attentive - delights in James’ pleased humming and lovely smiles.

“Bed?” he asks, one they’re dry and they’ve both brushed their teeth.

“Is it late enough?” James replies.

Q checks the clock in the hallway.

“Technically, yes. But we could sit downstairs… or….”

James squeezes his waist. “Pyjamas and downstairs. There’s tea and cake.”

“Hm, alright.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No photos this week as they're in the cottage. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!!!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are much appreciated ^^


	10. Shanklin, Ryde and Black Gang Chine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The trees are filled with fairy lights, and small fairies are everywhere. It’s enclosed enough to feel private and it is, Q admits quietly, enchanting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back from my mini winter hiatus!   
> Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos!!!  
> Pictures for the locations in this chapter can be found on my tumblr [here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com/post/169274938768/ryde-and-black-gang-chine-isle-of-wight-photos).

“This does seem a bit odd,” James says as Q parks up the car at Shanklin train station.

“Which part?”

“Taking the train when we could just drive.”

“That’s because it’s about the journey as well as the destination,” Q advises.

“The journey?”

“Yes. You will have noticed a distinct lack of railway on the island, though those they have are rather unique. It’s such a shame there are only two relatively short lines, but I’m surprised any of it survived Beeching.” He shakes his head. “Come on, we’ll need to get tickets.”

James takes Q’s hand and walks close enough that their shoulders brush. He pays for both of them at the counter, makes a joke about ‘tickets to Ryde’ and Q rolls his eyes; chuckling along with the man at the ticket desk who looks as though he’s been exposed to that joke a few too many times.

“What?” James asks as they wait at the platform. “He looked bored out of his mind.”

“That’s probably because it’s mostly locals using the line at this time of year.”

When the train pulls into the station James laughs. “You’re not doing a very good job of convincing me you’re not a train spotter,” he says as the reclaimed and refurbished old tube train pulls into the station.

“I have an appreciation for older….” He looks at James and smiles. “Models.”

“Cheeky little shit.” James shakes his head and chuckles.

Q leads them aboard and they settle in for a fun - if slightly bumpy - journey in the old underground car. Q watches James and holds his hand warmly in his - he seems both pleased and genuinely amused.

“I told you,” Q teases him.

James’ reply is soft. “I know.”

*

Ryde is fine. It’s about what Q expected, though it does have an oddly familiar feeling. There are long streets up very steep hills and a Doctor Who shop.

They pop into for a look around but there isn’t anything Q wants. 

Despite his Tardis teapot at home he’s more of a casual watcher rather than a dedicated fan. That he is quietly working on making an actual sonic screwdriver is rather besides the point - it has very practical implications… if he can get it to work.

James, on the other hand, does buy something. Q resits asking about what it is until they leave.

“It’s for M.”

Q blinks at him. “M?”

“Yes.”

“Do I want to know how you know he’ll like whatever’s in that bag?”

“Probably not, no.”

“I suppose it wouldn’t do for him to advertise his interests and hobbies. Are we sending it to him or is it a holiday souvenir?”

James shakes his head, quiet laughter escaping as he closes the bag to stop Q from seeing inside it.

“I was hoping we could give it to him in person.”

Q realises it would likely be more amusing to see that, and gives up trying to look inside. He takes James’ free hand again instead.

“I’ll show you later,” James assures, kissing his temple just above the arm of his glasses.

Q is then distracted by a shop selling collectable pin badges and goes a bit overboard buying several he knows R will love…. then gets a overexcited at a homeware and hardware shop. James watches him with an amused look on his face the entire time.

They find a cafe for lunch, then walk along the front, stopping to watch the hovercraft and ferries coming into this part of the island.

“Before you ask, I’ve never come in this way,” James says, standing behind Q with his arms around his waist. Q sends a knowing look over his shoulder. “But I have been to where we’re going on Friday.”

“Black Gang Chine.”

“Yes, though what’s left of what I remember will make for an interesting visit.”

“Because it keeps falling into the sea?”

James smiles. “Yes,” he says, barely holding back a laugh.

*

“Rhyl,” Q announces on the way back to the station.

James turns to him, awaiting an explanation. “This place reminds me of Rhyl. My grandparents used to take me to Llandudno on holiday and, well, I suppose it’s more like that than Rhyl, but I’ve been trying to work out why it’s so familiar.”

James looks around. “I’ll take your word for it.” he shrugs but takes Q’s hand in his. “Home?” he asks.

Q nods, inwardly taken aback by how nice it is to hear him say that.

***

The next day - Thursday - is their rest day. They shop and travel around in the morning, then James makes them lunch at home - he insists - before they head out again.

“Freshwater?” Q suggests as James taps his hands on the steering wheel.

“It’ll be cold,” he warns, but takes the turning that will get them there the quickest. “But no colder than it has been at night,” he adds, smile soft in the windscreen of the car.

When they arrive the beach is still quiet. The little shop isn't open either, he can’t imagine there is that much business this time of year though, so it seems a sensible choice.

They’ve packed a large flask of tea and a couple of packs of biscuits incase they’re hungry. They’ve also both brought books. The cottage has afforded them both time to read - which Q has taken advantage of - and there have been a few evenings when they’ve set music playing whilst they sit together, each lost in their own book. Q normally lies with his feet in James’ lap or, on the odd occasion when his fingers seek out his absent cats, the other way around.

They still take time to make sure their sanctuary is safe even though there is no one else about, but they settle happily, spending a coulee of houses breathing in sea air, watching the waves or losing themselves in their chosen stories.

“Still want to take revenge on that bookshop?” James asks, pouring Q a cup of tea.

Q is holding his own now-finished-book to his chest, evidently unable to hide his smile.

“Absolutely, yes. I’ll happily praise all the others we’ve seen since arriving… but it’s such a shame they were the only shop that had a copy.”

“At least some good came out of it.”

“Yes,” Q agrees, taking the plastic thermos cup and sipping hot tea until he can feel himself start to warm up. “How’s yours?”

“I’ve read better but it’s fine.”

“High praise indeed,” he quips.

“I’m almost finished.”

“I’m in no rush.” Q pulls out another book from his shoulder bag, tucking ‘In Great Waters’ carefully inside before closing it.

The new book is one he’d brought with him from home. He’s unsure as as to whether or not he’ll like it, but if he doesn’t there are plenty more in the house.

James catches sight of the front cover and smiles, briefly looking up from his book.

“The first chapter is a bit difficult to get though, after that it’s very good.”

“You’ve read this?” he asks.

“Yes, I'm surprised you haven’t. I read R’s copy last year in Q branch.”

Q blinks. “Does she know?”

James laughs. “Yes, she knows. That’s why I’m surprised you haven’t read it yet.”

“This isn’t her copy, but she did tell me about it…. I just haven’t had much time to do anything other than work, and it got lost in my backlog.”

James leans over and kisses Q softly, lingering and pressing their foreheads together - careful to avoid Q’s glasses. He can feel all the words James wants to say to him, all the ways he wants to make it right. So Q smiles at him to let him know he’s already doing it.

James goes back to his own book and Q opens his, ignoring the strong wind whipping around their shelter and the slight numbing in his fingers from the cold.

They leave a little while later, James satisfied enough with his book’s end and Q convinced to keep reading ‘Ready Player One.’

***

They’re in the car park for Black Gang Chine when Q gets a thank you message from R and his grandparents for their postcards, followed M sending his appreciation to James.

When Eve then calls a few minutes later, Q is both relieved to hear her voice and preparing for the worst.

_“Q,”_ she says. _“I have - and always will - love Feynman and Tesla; they are wonderful creatures, but I don’t need to know how their holiday is going. I was hoping to hear about yours.”_

“Good morning, Eve.”

_“Q.”_ She sighs and he can picture her shaking her head. _“The only think I now know for certain is that you can’t possibly be at home.”_

“Eve,” he says gently, mindful of James’ concern as he leans against the car at his side. “I can’t.”

_“I know you need your space and I know things are…. difficult, I do. But. Promise me you’re safe, please?”_ She’s so genuine that Q regrets not being able to tell her. M had advised them not to, even after they’d decided on their own.

“I’m both perfectly safe and happy, more so since the last time we spoke. I’m just taking some time to properly adjust.”

_“Makes it sounds like you might actually have gotten on a plane.”_

He shakes his head. “I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”

_“I know.”_ She takes a deep breath. _“I’ll keep in touch, if that’s okay?”_

“Of course it is, Eve, you know that.” 

There’s a silence between them but Q doesn’t hang up. Eve is considering something and he owes her the time to do so.

_“Things are a bit…. tough. I know you’re talking to R about her research, and M says you know the basics. And I whole heartedly agree that it’s right to keep you out of it… but I think M would shoulder all of this himself if he could.”_

“From what little I know, I think you’re right. As long as he has our support - in whatever way he needs it - we’ll all get through this.”

James takes his hand, warm fingers encircling his. Q swallows hard, wondering if this is usually the sort of conversation Eve would have with James. As if she misses him but is certain, unlike Q, James won’t answer his phone. He resolves quietly to tell her as soon as he can, even if he knows that likely won’t be until they return to London.

_“You would ask if you needed something, wouldn’t you?”_ she says after another long silence.

“Baring the fact that I always have done thus far, yes.”

That makes her laugh, just a little, but just enough.

_“Okay, okay, fine. Send me as many cat postcards as you feel the need to. At least it’s something.”_

“I will, though they might end up with R at some point.”

_“Seeing how long she can resist not taking them home with her?”_

Q smiles. “Yes, though I’ve been told M misses them too.”

_“Hm, yes. He does rather like your cats. Anyway, I have to go, important meeting with someone or another shortly. Look after yourself and take care.”_

“I will, you too, Eve.”

James hugs him the moment he hangs up, firm reassurance and comfort in his hold.

“Something tells me she’d feel much happier knowing I’m with you.”

“We’ll tell her as soon as we can,” James says into his hair and Q nods against his neck.

“Yes, we will.”

*  
The giant statue near the entrance and the human sized chess pieces on the round-a-bout should have been the first clues. Second, really, after the leaflet, but somehow Q is still both amazed and thoroughly impressed with this place.

What used to be a smugglers cove is now - and has been for at least forty years - an adventure land made for both children and grown ups.

There’s a dinosaur area on a winding path with animatronic dinosaurs, a maze, a beautiful flower garden, and a bizarre selection of children’s nursery rhymes come to life.

They’ve barely seen half of it and Q is fascinated, both by the attractions and the closed off paths - areas where they can see the places that used or be safe to walk on.

They stop at a point hear a large mushroom and a fairy tree.

“I walked there the last time I was here,” James tells him, pointing to the empty concrete in front of them. “They’re constantly having to disassemble and reassemble most of the park.”

“I read that sometimes they miscalculate and dinosaurs end up on the beach below.”

James laughs, shaking his head. “It’s true, I’ve actually seen them. They own most of the land here so they just keep moving it, plus there are some areas that don’t erode, it’s a bit steep but good fun. There is also a large wooden boat, from what I can remember.”

James leads Q by the hand along winding paths and up to a large area dominated by - not one but two - large wooden pirate ships. Like almost everything here it’s built so that adults are not left out of the fun. It’s also quiet enough that they can climb aboard and take in the view.

“Did you know Turner spent some time on the island?” Q asks, looking out at the vast expanse of ocean in front of them. They sky is a clear blue and the morning sun glints on the waves and distant ships.

“No,” James says, turning to him. “I’m not surprised.”

Q grins, sitting down. James follows and puts his arm around his back.

“I didn’t realise until yesterday night, I was reading something and it seemed… apt.”

James looks around. “Yes it is.” He looks genuinely pleased. “I’m glad there’s another ship,” he says after a while.

“I suppose it would allow for a more exciting pirate battle,” Q says, fighting a smile as best as he can.

James’ laugh is wonderful and carefree, and Q joins in, leaning against his shoulder and giggling against it.

*

As they continue their wanderings they find a pirates cove, a bizarre journey through the seasons - which reminds Q of the kids TV he used to watch - and some kind of sweets factory.

James smiles at him when they come to the Mansion. It’s set in an old house and inside is a journey into a fairy kingdom that’s overrun the house. It’s very well put together and designed to be on the darker side of fantasy and, even though it’s obvious to him how the tricks and animatronics respond, it doesn’t take away from the atmosphere.

“I take it that this is the same?” Q asks.

“Yes, almost exactly. A few things have probably been replaced or repaired, but over all, yes.” he sounds pleased.

“I like it,” Q admits. “I’m always happy to be somewhere that doesn’t presume fun is a pastime reserved only for children.”

“How are you on rollercoasters?” James asks him as they walk past the fairy courts underwater contingent.

“Absolutely fine, provided they don’t spin.” He eyes James carefully, just a bit suspicious. “Why?” The couple of rides that are there aren’t like that at all. His mind supplies - just for a moment - an image of them at Alton Towers… even given where they are it’s somehow absurd.

“Just curious.”

Q raises his eyebrows, scoffs and leads James - who’s chuckling - into the next corridor.

*

Cowboy Land has James smiling wider that he has all day.

“It’s been moved around but it’s still here. Normally, in the summer, it’s filled with the sound of fake gunfire - children’s toy guns. This is much, much better.”

There’s only a few families and small groups of people, most near the two cafes and seating areas.

“Ice cream?” James offers, Q surprises him by accepting.

One Maxibon for Q, and a double caramel Magnum for James later, and they’re eating ice cream in a small fairy village un front of a fairy castle in the next area.

The trees are filled with fairy lights, and small fairies are everywhere. It’s enclosed enough to feel private and it is, Q admits quietly, enchanting.

James’s phone rings, and when Q snaps his attention to it he smiles to let him know it’s nothing to worry about.

“Hello Lydia. Yes, everything has been good so far. We should be hone later on this afternoon, unless… no, no, let me check with him.” He puts his hand over the phone. “Are we doing anything else this afternoon? just so she knows when we’re coming back.”

Q shakes his head, relieved that James is only speaking to the woman who’s cottage they are currently renting.

“Do you need us to get anything?” he asks her. “Okay, let me know if you change your mind. We’ll see you later.” He hangs up and slips it back in his inside jacket pocket. “She just wanted to let us know that she an the cats are back.” James has barely finished speaking before he’s laughing.

“What?”

“Your eyes just lit up.”

Q ignores him. “How many?”

“At least two.” He smiles.

“I hope they’re friendly.”

“You’ll find out later. Lydia said she’ll be in until about half six, incase we get delayed.”

Q can’t think why they would be, not with the promise of cats before the end of the day.

“Would now be a good time to let e know what she knows about me?” he asks - on a more serious note.

“Only that I was brining someone with me. Kincade told her I was over-worked and needed time away. She knows we’re together - I told her that much when I confirmed the booking - but nothing else.”

It says something about him that James would tell her that shortly after their conversation that first morning. He was secure enough in his - and Q’s feelings - to tell her about it, at least in passing. Q isn’t sure if he could have been that certain, it had only just started being real.

Nevertheless, it matches their established cover story - and the truth - well enough that Q knows theres no need to worry.

“She also wanted to remind me,” James says, bringing Q’s attention back to where they are. “That she very much keeps to herself so we needn’t worry about her interfering.”

Q nods. “So I won’t need to…”

“Change anything? No, we’re still guaranteed privacy.”

“The walls are _very_ thick,” he says with a smirk.

James cups both hands around his face and kisses him, resting their foreheads together afterwards. He’s smiling, Q realises, and it suits him - especially when it reaches his eyes.

*

They stop for lunch, go through the maze and even head up to the museum. Even taking their time means they’ll be back early.

They’re in the gift shop - also, incidentally, where they got their tickets - and it’s Q this time who can’t quite move away.

“Eve?” James asks quietly, when he comes to stand behind him.

“Yes. I now feel awful - instead of terrified - maybe I really should buy them, write them, and hand them all to her when we get back?”

“As well as or instead of me?”

“As well.”

“She’ll appreciate it, Q. M will make sure she understands.”

Q nods and smiles, though James can’t see him. “Thank you.”

He selects a few postcards and heads over to pay. 

Staff line the back of the souvenir booths that run all along one side. He picks up a few other bits and pieces for R and his grandparents at the same time.

“Have you called them?” James asks, handing back the things Q couldn’t hold and pay for at the same time.

“Who?” 

“Your grandparents. I know your sister has told them you’re here, and they understand the circumstances…” James is being careful, Q can tell. He wants to reassure him that only the topic of his parents are off limits, everything else is fine.

“I should. Remind me and I’ll call them later.” His answer seems to both reassure and surprise James, but instead of commenting, he takes his hand and they head back to the car.

***

Lydia Kincade is not at all what Q expected. She’s tall, with hair that fades from pink to purple, and is dressed in dark blue trousers and a pale blue shirt all wrapped up in a thick grey cardigan.

To be honest, Q didn’t have anyone in mind to compare to her so he’s not sure what he thought she’d look like.

She invites them into her cottage for tea and a change to meet the cats.

There are three tabbies - two ginger and one grey - a calico and a grey British shorthair.

“Can I?” Q asks, looking from owner to cats.

“Sure, of course,” she offers. “They’re just getting reacquainted with the house. Give then a couple of days and only Alan.” She gestures to the shorthair. “Will want to stay inside.”

Q smiles, thanks her, and crouches down, introducing himself to Alan, Lora, Roy, Quorra and Flynn. Alan sits and purrs at his side - when Q sits himself down - and Lora, the calico, purrs in his lap. The others come near him occasionally but mostly they walk along the tops of the grey sofa, press their claws in to the cat table, and dart about the room.

He closes his eyes and sinks back into the comfort of the sofa. These are not his cats but they still feel like friends, accommodating and affectionate friends.

James finds him a little while later.(Q could hear him discussing Lydia’s house, craft business and their mutual acquaintance, in the kitchen.) He puts a fresh mug of tea in front of him and ruffles his hair on the way back up.

“Enjoying the company?” Lydia asks as she sits in the large chair.

“Oh, yes, thank you.” He sits up quickly enough to not appear rude, but not enough to dislodge the cats.

“Is it like this at home?” she asks, looking to James, who chuckles warmly.

“Not so far, no,” he says, looking fondly at Q. It’s an honest - if misleading - answer.

“Give it time.” She sips her tea. “Speaking of, how are you finding it?”

“It’s been lovely so far, lots to see, lots to do. No pressure from deadlines or work,” Q says. “Aside from missing my cats it’s been a wonderful and well needed surprise.” James rubs his back warmly, then ruffles the back of his hair again.

“James said that you both needed a break. The cottage is yours for as long as you want it. The next booking isn’t until May and I’ve never had another quite so early as yours.” She sounds pleased, maybe for the extra income, or for the company. Either way, Q likes her.

They chat and drink tea, though James declines a second cup, and they head home an hour later. Q Makes excellent use of his cat time before they leave.

*

“Dinner?” James asks as they both head to the kitchen.

“Hmm, yes, please. I can’t say I feel like going out again today. I’ll change and call my grandparents.” He fills the kettle and clicks it on. He hovers over the mugs in the cupboards.

“Earl grey for me, please,” James says, kissing him on the cheek as he heads to the fridge. 

Q grins. Surprised that James had drunk the first cup he’d been offered at Lydia’s, given his abhorrence of most brands and blends. But she’s family, he supposes, the thought a bright burst of happiness in and of its self.

*

His grandparents have clearance, of sorts (even though Q and R don’t exactly know why). They know he and R work for MI6 and that certain things can’t be said or mentioned, only certain people are allowed in the house etc…. They’re private and cautious people anyway and have been happy with the extra security in their home. 

There is no reason - aside from his own nervousness - not to call them. He’s already sent them a postcard, after all, and R has told them he’s not alone. They are under the impression Q has gone away with his new lover to escape the long hours of his job. Which is true, more or less.

He steels his nerves, takes a deep breath and calls them.

His grandmother answers after the third ring.

_“Simon, hello love,”_ she says warmly.

“Hello, Nana.”

_“Your sister said she’d spoken to you. How are you?”_

“Fine. Absolutely fine.”  
 _“And, by the sounds of it you’ve found someone worthy of taking you away with them. Though I should really say whisking. Are you okay, Simon? You’d tell us if you weren’t.”_ He finds her house and familiar accent so soothing he almost forgets to respond.

“Yes, I promise.” He manages not to sound hasty. “He’s.” Q closes his eyes. “I love him, Nana. I love him very much.” Because he tells his grandparents everything he can, always has, he has to tell them this. He won’t confine his love to the shadows of his work, he can’t do that to James.

_“I thought so. I’ve never known you to do something like this at all, but, sweetheart, how long has this been going on?”_ she asks kindly.

“That depends on what you define as ‘going on’.”  
 _“Oh, oh.”_ He can tell already that she understands.

“For a long time and not very long at all.”

_“Simon, he does love you back, doesn’t he?”_

“Yes. He, he’s made that very clear. We’re both… trying to settle in to it and, well, recuperate." 

_“Hmm, From what your sister has said, it seems like you’ve been working yourself unnecessarily hard.”_ She chastises gently.

“I…. I needed the distraction. I thought, for a while, that he didn’t return my feelings.” 

_“I’d say taking you away on holiday is a good indication that he does.”_

Q smiles. “I thought so.” His grandmother makes a noise of agreement. “How are things with you?” he asks.

His grandmother - the his grandad proceed to make sure he’s informed and up to date on everything in their lives, he’s relieved not to face scrutiny for his recent and unusual behaviour. 

He doesn’t dare mention anything about rushing off to Austria - considering that very much part of his work and thus not up for discussion. They would be horrified.

He says goodbye when James calls him down for dinner.

*

“They send their love to ‘the man who’s whisked me away with him’ and hope we’re having a lovely time.”

“Thank them for me, the next time you speak to them,” James says warmly, plating up and then settling on the table.

Q follows but instead of taking the chair opposite, he takes the corner seat, bringing his food over whilst James rearranges the table.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, taking hold of Q’s hand.

He nods. “I just wanted to be closer tonight.”

James kisses him. “Q?” he asks, barely an inch away, but it manages to make Q smile a little.

“Sometimes it takes a moment for everything to realign,” he explains. “With R it’s fine, I’m used to it, but with… you… I told them about you and, well, I know it sounds odd.”

James shakes his head. “It sounds normal.”

“We’re… not.”

“No, true, but there is always some overlap.”

Q smiles. “Yes, I suppose there is.” He squeezes James’ hand and lets go, delighted beyond words when James’ legs slide either side of his.

“It will come as no surprise that they’ve issued you an open invitation to dinner when I’m ready to introduce you to them.”

James doesn’t quite hide his surprise at that. Q hadn’t expected him to look so… moved.

“They’re very respectful.”

“They’ve never needed to pressure me, I’ve always gotten on with it, and I think they’re both trying not to scare you away - and avoid asking when we’re going back.”

“Still,” James says. “Whenever you’re ready; I’d like to meet them.

Q nods, smiling warmly and feeling slight overcome.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lydia's cats are indeed named after characters from Tron and Tron Legacy... and Beeching was responsible for many railway line closures in the UK - particularly Wales and the IOW, amongst others. I agree with Q on his feelings on this!


	11. Alum Bay, Swimming and the Cinema

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Q hadn’t spent his teenage years pining for this kind of date… but it feels good all the same; to do something so normal and ordinary with James._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again for all the kudos comments and support!! I have been a bit under the weather recently, so I haven't been able to reply to comments - I will try to soon.  
> Pictures for this chapter can be found [here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com/post/169807864783/photos-from-alum-bay-on-the-isle-of-wight-taken)

Alum Bay boasts a traditional and operation sweet factory and an impressive - if smaller than Q expected - glassworks. There’s also a fair amount of fairground rides and stalls, good tourist shops… and what appears to be a deadly ski lift.

The sort without an enclosed pod that dangles over a cliff edge. Taking you down and then back up again.

Q turns his back on it and heads straight to the glass works; to watch the constant craft demonstrations they run along side their usual work day. 

The glasswork made there is beautiful, ranging from paper weights to glasses, vases and sculptures.

It’s warm inside and he’s been in there long enough to have taken off both his coat and scarf by the time James catches up with him, fond smile on his face.

“I take it you’d rather walk down to the beach or not bother at all,” James says quietly, leaning over just slightly, so that Q can hear him. Q doesn’t need to look at him to know he’s grinning.

“You are perfectly welcome to go on your own. I prefer not to take unnecessary risks with my life.”

James chuckles warmly but doesn’t bring it up again, apparently happy to see whatever it is Q is interested in seeing.

The sweets demonstration, held in the building opposite, is behind a large glass window. It’s much shorter but comes with the added bonus of free samples… which ultimately makes James laugh when Q buys a large selection from the shop next door.

“I’m not even going to pretend that these are gifts,” he says as they exit and head for lunch.

Once again - barring a group of school children and their teachers - they’re lowering the age demographic. It amuses Q to no end even though he knows with the start of the main season approaching, that it will change.

But after one-too-many approving once overs, hums and outright blatant staring in James’ direction, Q takes his hand and leans into him. He wants to glare but feels its beneath him.

James just chuckles and kisses his cheek.

“I find it worth noting that though you notice everyone who casts a glare at me, you fail to notice the appreciative looks you’ve been getting,” James tells him, once they sit down.

Q stabs at his baked potato but eventually gives in and lets out a laugh of amusement, shaking his head and reaching for his tea.

“I’m not used to being so noticeable. In London it’s far too easy to blend in.”

James agrees but makes a point of keeping more of his attention than usual on Q.

They do walk down to the pebble beach and sit to watch the waves and ships in the distance. 

Q even braves a look at those reckless enough to take the death-lift. The fact that it works fine and smoothly does not bring him comfort.

James folds him into his arms to shield him from the cold. He holds him tightly and Q can’t help but be reminded of each and every single morning since they’ve arrived. 

With them both facing forwards there is no way to see James’ expression, but he can hold onto his arms around his waist and lean back into his warmth.

*  
James does come back to himself for the rest of the day but it doesn’t really surprise Q when he’s quiet in bed the next morning.

He eventually gets up and showers - Q had one last night so he dozes instead - and comes back to the bedroom fully dressed but pensive.

Q puts his glasses back on to get a better look at him and James comes to sit on Q’s side of the bed.

“Do you mind if I go out for a bit?” James asks.

Q smiles. “Not at all. Todays a rest day anyway. Are you taking the car?”

James shakes his head and reaches out to cup Q’s cheek, he immediately leans into the contact.

“No, wasn’t planning on it. I’ll have my phone and my keys with me. Why?”

“I might head out and do the shopping whilst you’re out, thats all.”

James tenses and Q can read the worry flooding his mind. 

To his credit and Q’s great relief, James doesn’t express his worry or ask Q not to leave the cottage.

They both know that Q has his own safety evaluation of the Island and knows there isn’t really and cause for concern. They’re both careful; phones fully charged, spare power packs always on hand - as well as their emergency radios etc. But it isn’t really about that.

Q watches as James’ reasoning soothes his anxiety and his training wins out against his fear. It’s a wonderful sign of trust when James bends down and kisses him.

“I’ll call you if there’s anything else I want. I’ll be back by 5 at the latest.”

Q lifts himself up enough to kiss James and nuzzle their noses together.

“I’ll see you later,” he tells him, then sinks back down into bed. James ruffles his hair - a habit by now - then stands.

Q listens to him put his shoes and coat on, then securely lock the door behind him. He could, at any point, look up James’ location, as James could in return. He won’t; an alert will let him know if anything is wrong, but he doesn’t mind at all if James needs to check where he is.

After all, Q does it enough during any missions that James bothers to keep hold of his trackers. So far no one has called him out on this - even though it’s odd behaviour, given Q Branch are rarely actually involved in running missions. They’re more preparation, innovation, repairs and their own forms of ‘getting the job done’. 

Though, when they do need someone in James’ ear, he’s always insisted on Q.

***  
He takes his time getting ready, then dressed, has breakfast and checks the shopping list. He still has some time before the supermarket opens (it’s a Sunday) so he works on a few small projects on his laptop. 

He also sends Eve another postcard of his cats; a gesture he hopes she’ll appreciate.

He wonders whether or not to add M to the safe-list to visit his cats but he authorises R to bring a guest instead.

When it’s time to go, he gathers his things, packs his laptop away and locks up.

Morrisons is closer but he takes the longer drive to Waitrose instead; there is something to be said for the free Earl Grey tea his membership card gets him. The supermarket has the added, albeit odd, benefit of being smaller and therefore he won’t be able to get too distracted.

It occurs to him, whilst he’s shopping, that this is the longest he and James have spend apart since they arrived on the Island. They’re also a couple of days away from being half way through their holiday. It does feel like longer, for which Q is glad.

Despite his lessening fears of what will happen to them and their new relationship when they return; he still wants to savour the experience. 

He heads back, unpacks and makes a sandwich for lunch, eating it whilst getting through some more work… not that it’s actually work, it’s more research and some programming exercises and tweaks he wants to do and designs he wants to work on. He doesn’t need to - he really was very much in need of a holiday - so he only works on things he enjoys.

Once he’s satisfied with his progress, he settles down with a book and a large pot of tea, reading quietly and allowing his mind to focus on the story.

He realises he’s been reaching for one of his cats about an hour in and laughs, setting a cushion next to him to help.

Q doesn’t check the time too often - though of course he checks - and keeps reading. He puts music on in the background and even calls R.

She seems surprised to hear from him but once he explains why he’d called she relaxes and updates him as best and as vaguely as she can. When he tells her about the update at the cattery, she laughs.

_“He’ll be glad of the stress relief, if he can persuade himself it’s a good idea.”_ She pauses. _“Would it really be okay if I bring them home with me at some point?”_

“Of course.”

They talk for a bit longer, R sounding more relaxed by the time they say goodbye. It’s clear things at MI6 are still very much up in the air but Q Branch is weathering the storm with R at the helm.

He can’t imagine what pressure M must be under, but at least he has evidence to back him up - and the courage to keep his cool. He also has Eve and Bill ay his side, should he remember that it’s okay to lean on them.

Q finishes the book, having enjoyed it, and settles down for a doze.

At just after half 4, James comes home.

He smiles at Q curled up on the sofa, and gets out of his coat and shoes so that he can join him.

He’s cold, windswept and clearly tired but Q doesn’t care; he’s just glad to have him home safely.

“You’re early,” he says lightly, stretching his legs out so that James can rest against him more comfortably.

Q shivers until he adjusts to the change in temperature, but holds James close all the same.

“I didn’t feel like freezing for the sake of it. It’s bloody cold out there.”

“I take it you’d be apposed to going out again?”

James presses his face into Q’s chest and breathes him in. 

“Where did you have in mind?” he asks a moment later.

“The Quayside? But we can eat in if you’d rather.”

“No, no. Sounds good. Just give me half an hour or so and we can head out.”

Q presses his lips to the top of James’ head and holds him close. He wants to ask why he’s been gone all day and if he’s okay, but at the same time he recognises James’ need for his own space and time to organise his thoughts.

James breaks their comfortable silence.

“It helps me to think,” he says. “And I know you’d have come with me if I’d asked, but it didn’t seem fair, not today.”

“If you need time by yourself, you can, I really don’t mind.”

James looks up at him. “I know you don’t,” he says warmly, rubbing his hand along Q’s arm.

“Do you feel better?” Q asks.

“Yes, though I feel much better now I’m back with you.” James’ tone is tentative, wary.

“I understand,” he says, hearing the meaning behind the words. He’s not dependent on Q for his happiness, but being with him is preferable to being alone.

Q can’t deny how good it feels to hold James, how it warms his heart and calms his mind. It’s reassuring and wonderful to know James feels the same.

“If you ever do need time,” Q says carefully. “Just let me know, it really is fine.”

James does the best approximation of a shrug that he can manage in Q’s arms. “I might,” he tells him. “But I prefer our evenings in Freshwater.”

***

Two days later, after Newport - again - and a day at an Owl Sanctuary, James drives them to Freshwater Bay. They stop to get food first but they have everything else they need. It’s also a bit milder today; the wind has lessened and the cold isn’t so biting.

It’s starting to feel more like April.

“It’s nothing serious,” James reassures him as they sit down. “But I want to tell you anyway.”

Q Blinks rapidly, but nods and puts the unopened flask of tea down next to him.

“James…”

James takes his hand and turns to face him on the bench.

“When M came to see me, he made it clear that I had several options. After he talked some much-needed sense into me,” he adds and Q relaxes slightly. “I know that you won’t ever ask me to stop doing my job, but, Q, how would you feel if I said that I didn’t want to keep doing it? that I’d had enough?”

“Have you? Had enough?” he asks, perhaps too quickly. 

Icy terror wars with warm relief. He doesn’t like the thought of James being in danger, but at the same time he can’t reason with the idea of a retired James. It would feel like clipping a birds wings; James thrives in the field and Q doesn’t want him to lose that.

But Q does love him and therefore….

“If it’s what you want, then I wouldn’t try to stop you.” He’d just worry for him in another way.

“That’s what I thought,” James says and holds Q’s hand warn between both of his. “But you’re right, I don’t want to retire-”

“How?”

James smiles at him. “I’m well trained and I can read you easier now, you don’t hide it from me here.”

Q swallows and nods.

“As I said; I don’t want to retire but I’m tired of the field, and if I’m tired of it I’ll be less careful, reckless, and I can’t do that… not now.”

Q studies him carefully. “James, what were the other options?”

“M wants me to be his second in command. He wants me to become head of the Double-O division, so that he can take full control of MI6.”

“After he finalises the reversal of the merger,” Q finishes for him, the plan falling together in his mind.

“I haven’t agreed to anything and M asked me not to, ordered me to take some time and think about it, along with everything else. He also didn’t say anything about reversing the merger or killing Oberhauser.”

Q smiles. “But he knew we’d put the pieces together. Hmm, he knows you well enough to know you’re the least predictable agent his has; he likely has no idea which option you’ll take.”

James shakes his head. “He knew exactly how I feel about you.”

“Oh, shit,” Q exclaims, half embarrassed and half amused. “How much scotch had he drank before he hold you that?”

James winces, but it’s more in embarrassment than shame.

“It was his opening line.”

“Did he tell you I felt the same?” Q asks, but James shakes his head.

“He didn’t have to. Not in so many words, anyway.”

Q smiles warmly. “He’s one of the most respectful people I’ve ever met, he’s also the most reasonable.”

“And he’s at home with the occasional field-work,” James adds.

“I have the CCTV footage of what happened in C’s office if you ever want to see it.”

“M said you were brilliant. He also told me you were almost shot,” James says with concern.

“Only because Eve told him about it. We were all being shot at at the time. Bill should have let Eve drive.” He meets James’ eyes. “I don’t enjoy being out in the filed - at all - but if I need to, then, of course I will… James, isn’t it what you want?”

He shakes his head. “Not right now and maybe not for a very long time, if ever again. I still haven’t decided what I want to do but I don’t want to be in the field anymore and I don’t want to retire.”

“Which begs the question; what else did M offer you?”

James grins. “Weapons testing and feedback.”

Q shakes his head. “No, absolutely not.”

“You know my feedback is invaluable.”

“Hmm, Strange that they’re the only forms you fill in.”

That makes James laugh, the tension draining out of him, and he relaxes against the back of their little sanctuary.

“In all seriousness, Q, I know you’ll support my decision but what do you want?”

“James…”

“I’d rather know than not.”

Q bites his lip but he can’t deny his preference, nor does he want to deny James the truth.

“I’d be happier if you were a part of MI6. And it would, perhaps, be comforting to know that you were doing a job you enjoy closer to home.” He drops his gaze to his lap. “But only if it was what you really wanted. I love you and I want you to be safe and happy.” He takes a deep breath. “If you can’t be both then I would choose happy.”

“In your position I don’t know that I could say the same,” James admits, drawing Q’s eyes back to his.

“That’s because you know what it’s like out there, in a way I never could.”

“True. But M has worked on both sides of it and probably knows that whatever I choose won’t be easy.”

Q winces. “I know. Whatever you decide is fine.”

“Well, whatever I choose, it will leave room for getting better acquainted with your new Q Branch.”

Q doesn’t have a response for that so he picks up their food and tea and sits as close to James as he can, whilst still eating comfortably.

“Are you sure?” Q asks, once they’re finished. He doesn’t want this to be something that starts to play on his mind.

“I’m sure. No fieldwork, no retirement. Something close to home, close to you.”

Q doesn’t hide his smile from James and gets kissed warmly in return.

 

***

“Swimming?” James asks, checking their holiday planner as Q rolls up a towel and his swimming shorts. He grabs another for his hair, his hairbrush, glasses case and flip-flops.

“Yes. You did say you wanted to go. I’ve booked us into a private health club that accepts tourists. Line swimming or general swimming, it’s up to you.”

James taps his fingers on the paper, nods and goes to his drawers. 

His swimming shorts are the stuff of legends at MI6, but Q has yet to see them. 

He ignores his curiosity and gathers his shampoo, shower gel etc, and heads down the stairs to wait.

“Q?” James asks as he comes down to join him.

“Yes?”

“Do you swim often?”

Q scrunches up his nose. “That’s an odd way yo ask, but yes, when I can. Admittedly it’s nowhere near as much as I’d like, but I do.”

James chuckles, shaking his head and putting his arm around Q’s waist.

“I have membership to a gym in London, with unlimited guest passes. If you wanted to; you’d be welcome to join me. Their pool is outstanding.”

Q smiles at such a genuine offer and turns his head to kiss James’ cheek.

“I’d love to. I used to swim at the pool in our old building, but a new pool is low on the current priorities, so I’ve gone where and when I can.”

“Well, the offer is there. Do you want to drive?”

Q shakes his head. “I’ll navigate instead.”

 

*

It’s very quiet this morning. Only they and a few others are at the pool, it’s light and bright and airy.

Q isn’t nervous or wary of James seeing him in his swimming trunks - they’re an ordinary dark blue - as far as he’s concerned, James has seen him naked. This is nothing in comparison and his body is nothing to be ashamed of.

He puts his things in his locker, takes care to attach the key securely around his wrist, and heads into the pool, after an unpleasant walk under the shower jets.

James is sat on the side of the pool waiting for him, his eyes flash up in a quick once-over and he smiles appreciatively.

Q shakes it off and sits down next to him. It hasn’t slipped his notice - even sat down- how utterly handsome James is. But this is neither the time nor the place, so he simply squeezes James’ hand for a moment then slides down into the water and does a few warm up lengths.

They swim long enough for Q to feel worn out - as much as he misses swimming, he’s not as fit as he used to be - and James decides he’s had enough as well.

Q glides through another length and relaxes in the shallow end.

James settles at his side, head back and contented. He seems at home in the water in a way Q didn’t expect, as though it’s more than exercise to him, as though he actually enjoys it.

It warms his heart when he realises it’s probably true, and he’s thank full that there are things in James’ life he enjoys. Especially given James’ recent admission about his future at MI6.

 

***

They spend their afternoon at the cinema. 

Q laughs so hard he snorts when James lifts up the armrest to bring Q in to settle comfortably against his side.

Q hadn’t spent his teenage years pining for this kind of date… but it feels good all the same; to do something so normal and ordinary with James.

He also won’t deny the thrill of having his ticket, drink and pick-n-mix paid for… he also barely pays any attention to the film. He’s far more occupied with snuggling closer to James.

R calls him when they’re grabbing a couple of things from Morrisons on the way home.

_“Where are you?”_ she asks.

Q’s mind switches tracks. “Out.”

_“Call me when you’re somewhere secure. No immediate action needed… just, Q, call me.”_ She ends the call and he makes his way over to James.

He squeezes his hand with the precise pattern they’ve practised just incase of an incident like this.

They finish, pay, and pack the car with a casual but purposeful speed.

***


	12. Two Wooden Ships and Braiding Roman Villa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It doesn’t upset his British sensibilities; it just seems farcical to see so many._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all so much for your comments and kudos!! Much appreciated!  
> Pictures for this chapters locations can be found [here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com/post/170119440883/photos-from-blackgang-chine-isle-of-wight-taken).... including THE vase.

James unpacks and Q calls R once they’re back.

_“I’m in your office, all secure,”_ she says.

“We’re back at the cottage, all security checks are fine and a manual sweep has been completed.”

_“You don’t need to worry - at least not anymore than you will normally.”_ She takes a breath. _“It’s probably best to put me on speaker. There was a meeting this morning; a hearing to investigate M’s recent actions; killing Oberhauser, his evidence against the home secretary and our information on Spectre.”_

“I take it this wasn’t a planned meeting,” Q says.

_“No. It was more of an ambush. M was in a meeting with Tanner at the time, so myself, Moneypenny and the head of logistics kept them busy until they were available to attend. Can’t say the panel were particularly pleased. I was also worried it might be a deliberate attempt to get us all in one place, so I put Q Branch on quiet-high-alert, locked it down and signed 004 and 005 to keep guard. I needn’t have worried… but I didn’t want to risk it.”_

“You did the right thing, R, but what happened?”

_“M let them talk, shut them down with minimal information and ordered them out of MI6. He’s scheduled a full meeting, and also started further separation proceedings, for Monday. We’ve also been ordered to dig deeper. We’ve clearly trodden on someones toes.”_

“Or it’s a diversion,” James remarks.

_“We’ve upped security for us and our loved ones but so far it really, really looks like there are some very worried people who want to know what we know.”_ She sighs. _“We can’t find anything to implicate the people who came here today. So it’s either their bosses or a wild goose chase. But either way, we’ve ruffled yet more feathers.”_

“Shit.” Q exclaims quietly, collapsing into a kitchen chair. “Is there anything I can do?” he asks, serious.

_“Stay safe and where you are. M asked me to update you but that’s about it.”_

“I suppose the question is who stood to gain - besides C and the home secretary - from a merged MI6 and 5,” he says.

_“That depends when this all started,”_ R replies.

James has started the kettle behind them.

Q sighs. “It must have started years ago, before our old headquarters were attacked, before the drive was lost. I’m willing to bet it goes even further back than Mr Denbigh… maybe this was something else Spectre took advantage of.”

_“Hmm,”_ R agrees. _“I hadn’t considered that.”_

“Keep working on unravelling Spectre. If M approves, I have a secure connection here but I won’t look into it without his permission.”

_“False trace?”_

“Always.”

_“I’ll check, give me 20 minutes?”_

“Where’s M?”

_“Next door with Moneypenny, Tanner and 004.”_

“R?” he asks, considerably more concerned.

_“It’s safer here, though we did sneak them in. Give me a few minutes and I’ll call you back.”_ She disconnects and Q locks his phone. 

“Shit, shit, shitshit, shit.”

James places a steaming mug of earl grey in front of him and sits down at his side, his own mug of lapsang in his hands.

“He didn’t say a word to me about this,” he tells Q.

“I know.” Q tries to smile reassuringly, but it sounds more like a grimace. “I still can’t figure out how much of this was to keep us safe and how much is actually meant to be a holiday.” He doesn’t like how that sounds so he adds, “I mean, obviously I know it’s a holiday, and it’s wonderful being here with you.”

“I think it’s safe to say it’s both, though right now it sounds like they need your help.”

Q reaches for him and James gives him his hand.

“Whoever’s doing this, they must know M’s character well enough to deliberately force his hand. He wants to keep us all safe and as uninvolved as possible… but they won’t let him,” Q says.

“They also knew how to pressure Olivia Mansfield. And M killed Oberhauser earlier than even I expected.”

“Which narrows it down, at least somewhat. They’re someone - or a group - with high influence.”

“What’s left of Spectre?” James suggests.

“Too obvious, but close.”

Q’s phone rings and he answers, surprised, but relieved to hear M’s voice.

_“You’re supposed to be on holiday,”_ M remarks, but Q doesn’t miss the warm exasperation in his tone.

“I am.”

M asks him to switch to speaker, so once again James can hear whats being said. 

_“You and I have… surprisingly similar approaches to time off.”_

“Yes, sir, I think we might, at least in this case.”

_“I don’t want to have to ask you this.”_

“R made that very clear.”

_“I don’t doubt it. Q, you have my permission to look into your current theories but please, stay where you are. I mean that.”_

Q looks to James and nods.

“Understood, sir.”

_“Pass anything you can’t look into back to us. And, Q?”_

“Yes, M?”

_“Thank you for the guest pass, I’ll need it after all this.”_ He pauses. _“Can you take me off speaker?”_

James nods, so Q does, bringing it to his ear instead.

_“Thank you. I hope you don’t think I overstepped with regards to your current holiday arrangements.”_

“No, not at all.”

_“Good. I couldn’t just stand by without saying anything.”_

“I understand.”

_“You have my full support in this, Q. All of it.”_ M takes a deep breath. _“Look after yourself and each other. That isn’t a coded or ominous warning; I really do mean it.”_

“I will, we will. I’ll contact R as soon as I know something.”

_“Thank you. Try and have a good evening.”_

Q ends the call and places his locked phone on the table, before explaining to James that M only wanted to offer his personal support and make sure he hadn’t gone too far.

“It’s probably because he can’t break into your house,” James says, a tiny smile curling on his lips.

Q shrugs. “It might also be because I don’t have any scotch.”

James laughs, then stands. “I’ll make dinner whilst you set up.”

“Right, yes.” Then he’s flying up the stairs to grab is laptop and whatever else he needs.

***

It takes a few hours but Q and James - who helped in more ways than just making dinner and copious amounts of tea - have a shortlist and ties between them all.

Q calls R, hands it all over, double checks it with her then bids them goodnight; on orders from M to resume their holiday.

James helps him pack it all away again and carries it - and a weary Q - upstairs to bed.

“You’re astounding,” James whispers against his hair, once they’re warm and tucked up together.

“And you’re utterly brilliant.” He yawns and turns further into James’ warmth.

He falls asleep rapidly, body still tired from the swimming and brain wiped from it’s own unexpected work out.

***

Q makes no argument against returning to Blackgang Chine the following morning; especially given that their tickets offer free return within the week.

It’s quieter than their last visit and they curl up on the deck behind the helm, resting against the solid wood of the hull.

No one seems to really pay them any mind. Two grown men huddled together for comfort and warm, even though it’s more the former than the latter.

Afterwards they walk the park, settling with an ad hoc picnic in the Fairy Glen on the blanket James had taken from the car boot.

It’s companionable, and Q finds his mind distracted with thoughts of the day before.

They have known the entire time that something is going on in London, and it helps that he now feels as though they’ve contributed…. but it still makes him uneasy.

“They’re as well informed and prepared as they can be,” James says quietly, his eyes focussing on the flowers starting to bloom around them.

“Hm, I know.” He sighs quietly and moves so that his head is resting on James’ lap. 

James runs his fingers through Q’s hair and focusses his beautiful blue eyes on him.

“Is it like this for you when I’m out there?”

“Sometimes. But there’s usually so many other things going on at once that I can put it to one side, to be checked upon and looked into every hour or so.”

James’ smile is small but the warmth shines in his eyes.

“I love you,” he says easily.

“I love you too,” Q replies, placing is hand over James’ in his hair.

***

The Braiding Roman Villa is as interesting as it is unintentionally hilarious.

Q resolves to keep his immature sniggers to a minimum after the tenth penis he’s seen on the ‘fertility’ vases. They are literally everywhere he looks… Anthropomorphised penny riding penis horses… large ones, small ones… It doesn’t upset his British sensibilities; it just seems farcical to see so many.

Nowadays they seem to be in the realm of immature graffiti, but he also knows that they’ve been scrawled on buildings through out history. He finds this a tad confusing but it doesn’t hold any significance for him.

Maybe it’s a good thing this place is so phallic, at least it’s some bizarre form of art.

James’ expression is one of continual amusement, light sparkles in his eyes.

They do take time admiring the large floor mosaics that have been carefully restored - and in some cases filled in with drawings or other details.

There are pieces of furniture, tableware, jewellery and all manner of household goods from Braiding Roman Villa displayed throughout.

“I’m not even sure this was here the last time I visited,” James says, coming to stand behind Q.

Q shivers at the closeness, his senses have been on overdrive since yesterday. It’s odd but not unwelcome… he’s very much not used to it. Sex and sexual attraction haven’t rated high on his priorities in relationships. He has to really trust someone to get to that point.

He could, equally, with humour, blame their surroundings, but he’s felt this way on and off for the last two days. 

“We can go home right now,” James says, his voice a deep gravelly rumble in Q’s ear.

“How do you always know?”

James chuckles. “I don’t. You’ve been letting me read you and I’m finding it to be a very enjoyable pastime.” He leans that little bit further forwards, and Q is so glad they’re alone.

He closes his eyes and leans back into James’ warmth.

“I’m not used to…” Q still doesn’t quite want to say it.

“It doesn’t matter. If you want it, you can have it.”

“You,” Q corrects. “If I want _you_ , I can have _you_ and visa versa.” He swallows. “I do, very much. Gift shop and then home.”

James laughs and steps back, takes Q’s hand and leads the way.

***

Q doesn’t remember ever being picked up and pushed against a door before.

First time for everything. The pleasure crackling through his nerves, the way James kisses him breathless with love and skill and pure intent.

Q’s legs are shamelessly wrapped around James’ waist and he keens and gasps when he’s half undressed then kissed from his forehead to his collarbone.

He’s rutting by the time that warm mouth latches too his neck. His hands holding on to short blond hair and his back is arching. Q thinks he might be moaning and he couldn’t care less.

He loves and he wants and he _needs_ to be closer to James. Now. Right now.

James lowers him to the ground. “Shoes off, upstairs, now.”

Q doesn’t argue - not with the edge of desperation in the command/request.

He dumps his clothes on the small wooden ledge in the corner next to the door, the helps James undress.

The bedroom door is pushed closed behind them, phones placed on the bedside table, then Q is lifted up and dropped into the bed. James follows in short order.

James’ mouth is on Q’s in an instant. He rolls his body down onto Q, sliding his arms under his shoulders as he does. It’s so fluid and easy that Q is left breathless. He pants against James’ neck and holds onto his back for dear life.

He is hard, unashamedly pressed up against James and thus able to feel his cock along side his own.

He wants to calm down enough to enjoy this… he’s just not sure he can.

James rubs his nose against Q’s cheek, presses firm kisses from his ear to his jaw.

“Are you okay?” he asks…. and Q just stops resisting.

He pushes his hips up into James’ in a delicious slow role.

“Q.”

“James.”

“How do you want me?”

Q’s whole body shudders. “Fuck me.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. Really, really - oh, oh…., sure.”

James pressed down and holds Q closer to him, Q swallows and gasps for breath.

“But I’m not at all confident I’ll last very long.”

James wiggles an arm from under him and pulls open the drawer containing the lube and condoms.

“I’ll be quick and thorough,” he promises.

Q laughs. “Which part?”

James answers with a deep kiss with plenty of tongue, then slides down his body and sits back to get to work.

“I need you to tell me if it hurts.”

Q nods and takes deep breaths. This will, at least, temper his raging want.

James Bond is an accomplished and knowledgeable lover. Q knows this, but he didn’t think it would feel quite this good.   
_Wonderful, talented fingers._

He’s still aroused, still pulls James half atop him - once his hands have been hastily cleaned and a condom rolled on - and kisses him soundly.

It doesn’t hurt when James presses slowly inside but Q hadn’t expected it to. Instead it feels a little odd, then good, really good. Because it’s _James_ that’s inside him, above him… all around him. Q loves how wholly and it makes it so, so much better to know he’s loved in return.

“Q?” James asks against his mouth, lips lingering as they share breath.

“Yes?”

“Would you rather turn over or stay like this?” James asks, sucking at his chin then under his jaw.

The very idea of James taking him from behind mades him moan and bright arousal flashes through him.

“Please.”

“You almost sounded disinterested,” James remarks, pulling out and helping Q turn around.

“Almost?”

James’ laugh is a warm rumble against his ear as he settles over him.

“Ready?”

Q bares his neck and rocks backwards in answer.

James takes advantage and presses inside, waiting for Q to adjust before moving in earnest. 

He lifts one arm up to hold Q closer against him, using his colossal strength to their advantage. His hand moves over and closes around Q’s erection and he moans as he thrusts into James’ fist.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he’s aware of James’ lack of reserve, of this pure and unadulterated pleasure.

Q closes his eyes to savour it, not in the least bit bothered that he’s closer to coming by the second because James is right there with him.

“ _Oh, Oh…_ ” he groans out his orgasm, still thrusting into James’ fist as it takes hold. 

Moments later he hears James follow him, feels him press as close as possible for as long as he can.

Q comes back down slowly, James pulling out and lowering him down onto the bed. He manages a brief smile at the towel that had been placed beneath him before hand; meaning their clean up is fast and allows them to snuggle together, warm and comfortable beneath the sheets.

Q finds himself holding James against his chest, his ear pressed close as he listens to his heart. _‘So very strong and fragile all at once.’_

He’s flawed by the trust placed in him by this man… James trusts him enough to be honest with his actions and what he wants. It’s making it easier for Q to do the same.

Selfishly, he’s gotten used to having James all to himself. Sleeping beside him and living with him…. it reminds him that they only have about a week and a half left.

“Everything okay, Q?” James asks, lifting himself off of Q’s chest and curling up beside him instead.

Q rolls into his arms.

“Yes. I was just thinking about home.”

“Hm. We’ve done all we can, nothing to do but wait and enjoy our time here.”

Q hums in agreement. It remains unspoken but he knows James’ recovery depends on their holiday as well and he won’t sabotage that.

***

On Sunday James goes out early for a long walk, though he wakes Q to let him know where he’s going.

Q is surprised, therefore, to hear him come back less than an hour afterwards and head to the shower. He’d expected James to be gone for most of the day as usual.

He’s just getting ready to head out and get their shopping sorted when Hames comes into the kitchen, dressed and ready to head out again.

They stand across from one another and Q looks at James.

He gets a shy smile for his troubles and tentative fingers that reach out to hold onto his.

Q leans over, kisses his cheek then leads him out to the car.

***


	13. Fort Victoria, Godshill and Osbourne House (revisited)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Q feels as though he’s finally settling into a life with James that will be over in a week. Even though he knows _they_ won’t be; their lives have always come with their own particular set of challenges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to those lovely people who commented or kudos'd.   
> Photos of locations that accompany this chapter can be found [here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com/post/170769227248/these-photos-are-all-from-fort-victoria-on-the)

First thing on Monday morning, Q gets a call from R. It’s brief and to the point - she’ll call as soon as they know something but they’re under strict orders to enjoy their day.

James drives them to Fort Victoria and they spend the day at the Aquarium, planetarium and the other attractions they have there. Including a particularly brilliant model railway complete with tiny figurines doing bizarre things and a model fairground as well.

Q sees a fondness in James that he doesn’t think he’s ever seen before.

“I never had one growing up, but I always liked looking at the odd ones I’d come across,” James explains, grinning as he finds a small figurine streaking naked in a park.

Q crosses it off their list - an informal game provided when they entered.

“There are a few people at work who have them at home,” Q tells him.

James smiles, kisses his cheek and they carry on.

*

The longer there isn’t a call the less Q worries. Regardless of how badly it could go, there are certain things they’d be immediately notified about. In this case no news really is good news.

On the way home they stop in Newport and James leads Q by the hand until they find a cafe they haven’t been to before.

Q spends half an hour looking between his food and the piano in the corner. He knows James is aware of it but Q can’t quite make the decision to ask if he can play…. or just enjoy the food.

“If you can play the piano you’re more than welcome,” The young woman who served them says.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

She smiles. “Yes. Mum makes an effort to keep in tuned, so please, go ahead.”

James squeezes his hand and Q gives a small nod of his head.

He stands, walks over, lifts open the lid and presses the middle C. He gets himself seated and comfortable so he plays a few scales and checks the pedals.

After a deep breath he starts to play the melodies he favoured during university; soft on the ear and soothing to the ear.

Q has an electric piano at home; excellent quality and lovely to play. But it doesn’t compete with the baby grand at his grandparents home. That one has been in the family for aa very long time and he owes his love of music to that.

His grandparents had been more than happy to indulge his interest as neither of them play piano and didn’t want it to sit gathering dust in their home. But the’d accompany him - or vice versa - on their violins, or more recently R, who plays flute.

Playing piano may sometimes take him to the clear and calm headspace that his programming does but there’s an emotion in music, or rather music is filled with and made of emotions. It’s how he’s come to express himself - alone at home with his using reverberating in his ears. When his headphones are plugged in it becomes solely for him.

James watches him the entire time. Q doesn’t need to look up to know that he is; his attention is familiar enough.

It’s only when he’s finished playing - when his fingers hurt - an hour later that he finally looks back at their table. He sees a melancholy happiness on James’ face and he stands to hold Q tight against him when he walks over.

“That was beautiful,” James tells him. “I had no idea you could play.” His words are heartfelt and genuine, but they can’t hide the underlying sadness.

“It’s not exactly something I could put on my work resume,” he says and James laughs warmly.

“Home?”

“Yes.”

With one last lingering look at the piano, and a smile of thanks to the young woman who encouraged him, they head home.

***  
 _“Where the hell are you, Q?”_ Moneypenny demands over the phone. Q holds it back from his ear. They’re sat in the front room and he’s certain James heard that, especially since he winced at the sound of her voice.

“Eve,” he warns, not unkindly.

_“I know, I know, Q. I...”_ Her silence is more sincere than her words. He knows her well enough to tell the difference between Agent Moneypenny and his friend Eve. 

He realises that she knows both sides of him... she just doesn’t have a name for one of them.

“Want to talk?” He offers.

_“Please?”_

“I’ll call you back in five minutes.”

_“I’m not going anywhere.”_

Q ends the call, texts R to let her know he’ll be on the phone for the next hour or so. He knows she’ll take that as the permission it is to call James incase she needs to, but of not he’ll talk to her later.

He kisses James soundly and hugs him before slipping from the room and upstairs to their bedroom, a fresh cup of tea in his hand.

_“Q,”_ Eve says with relief when she picks up the phone.

“Where are you?” He asks, sipping his tea and folding his legs up on the bed.

_“Holed up in M’s office.”_ She sighs. _“His actual office, not my desk. I am so glad you worked your magic in here because I didn’t feel like making the journey to Q branch.”_

“Ah.”

_“Don’t worry; Tanner’s at my desk. M followed R to Q branch to sit with the cats - I’m sure she’ll tell you about that... and I know it’s not the only reason he’s there but he’s happier if I think it is.”_

“How did today go?”

Eve breathes out slowly. _“We got what we wanted. MI6 has officially started separation procedures. MI5’s new leadership seem both relieved and overwhelmed... the have more to do than we do. The Double-O program is officially back. Charges have been brought against the Home Secretary and everyone else.... M has been cleared of wrongdoing in killing Oberhauser.”_ Her exhaustion shows through - as he expected. It’s after 21:30 and they must al have been in meetings for at least 14 hours. _“It’s a mess, though. Q branch and our special intelligence officers have been shutting down the remnants of Nine Eyes you destroyed. I know that Bo— I know that Spectre’s main base of operations and almost all their information has been destroyed, removing us from their records.... but it’s taking it’s time.”_

“The Viruses I sent them will kick in, and there are people on the ground looking after the hard copies,” Q reminds her gently.

_“True. R says the last of their data banks are being torn apart as we speak. C’s lack of trust in Oberhauser has almost worked in our favour. But, Q, I still don’t understand why you’re not here. We were all on those videos, though granted you less than myself or Tanner. They asked at the meetings today.”_

“What did M say?”

_“That it was in his best interests to make sure you didn’t work yourself to death.”_

It’s not untrue but hearing Eve say it brings a well of emotion to his throat.

“Eve...” He knows he’s hiding nothing from his voice.

_“I know you wouldn’t have taken any permanent measures,” _she says gently.__

__“I wouldn’t,” he reassures her very, very quietly._ _

___“I know, but I remember how heartbroken you were after he left.... I’m sorry. I promised myself I wouldn’t mention it, and I know you’re on holiday and not...”_ _ _

__“You miss him too.”_ _

___“Yes. He’s a complete and utter bastard most of the time but he’s my friend. I don’t know how not to miss him. Tanner has known him longer and even he’s not himself. And M... I think M needs him to argue with. This is worse than when I shot him.”_ _ _

__“I know.” he swallows around the lump in his throat. Even knowing he’s downstairs.... the memories of the weeks thinking he was gone.... and now hearing what his friends are going through.... He wipes the tears from his cheeks and concentrates on his breathing._ _

___“R misses you.”_ _ _

__Q thinks carefully before he responds to that._ _

__“I expect she misses Bond as well." He’s glad his disuse of his surname makes him sound as though its still hard to say._ _

___“R?”_ Eve sounds surprised._ _

__“Yes. She was incredibly reluctant to talk about it and I doubt she’ll tell you if you as her. But it turns out that in all the time he spent in Q branch, he’d become her friend.” Talking about James in the past tense in a horrible, stark reminder of everything he almost lost._ _

___“Do you think he’s happy?”_ Eve asks._ _

__“I suspect he’s trying to find peace,” he answers honestly._ _

___“I think we all are.”_ _ _

__Q smiles and hopes it comes across in his voice. “That is true. Is there anything else I can do, Eve?”_ _

___“Aside from come home right now and convince me it’s all going to be okay?”_ _ _

__“Aside from that, yes.”_ _

___“Can we just talk about books and TV and the normal things we squeeze in around work?”_ _ _

__“Of course. I’ve been rewatching Life on Mars recently, have you ever seen it?”_ _

___“I have.”_ _ _

__Their conversation rolls on from there._ _

__By the time Q hangs up Eve is calmer and even approaching cheerful. He wishes her a heartfelt goodnight and hearing her bid him the same warms his heart._ _

__*_ _

__R calls when Q is in the shower, so James answers it._ _

__“He won’t be long.” Q hears him say through the bathroom door. James’ footsteps go to the bedroom, then back down stairs. Meaning R has chosen to speak to James instead._ _

__Q takes his time and gets a couple minutes on the phone with her before she has to go._ _

__“You have people that care about you, that love you a lot,” James says once R has hung up._ _

__“So do you,” Q reminds him._ _

__“I know _you do,_ Q.” James looks away._ _

__“R does, Eve certainly does. Tanner won’t ever admit it, but he’s clearly very fond, and M respects you almost as much as he is irritated by you. He wouldn’t have demanded your scotch otherwise.”_ _

__“Love in all it’s many forms,” James muses._ _

__“Precisely,” Q remarks, taking James’ hand and bringing them both to sit on the sofa._ _

__James looks straight ahead but Q chooses to curl up so he can watch James’ profile._ _

__“It’s not over yet.” Q catches him whisper._ _

__“I know. Both MI5 and MI6 are strategically vulnerable. M is well aware this may have been the plan all along. They’ll be careful and we remain here. M knows where we are, should he need us.” He reaches over for Q’s hand and winds their fingers together. Q rests his head against his shoulder._ _

__“You play piano,” James says after a while._ _

__“I do, I played during the summers at my grandparents growing up, then when I moved in I played whenever there was time. I got my grade 8 in my first year of sixth form. It looked good on my UCAS application.”_ _

__“Just not your application for MI6,” James teases._ _

__“No.”_ _

__“I really had no idea.”_ _

__Q smiles. “I thought part of the reason we were here was to get to know each other better. I’d say this qualifies.”_ _

__“It does.”_ _

__The melancholy from earlier is back but Q isn’t quite sure if he should ask. James has continued to avoid Q’s omitted parents... he feels it would be best to return the favour._ _

__“Vesper played too,” James says at last._ _

__Q closes his eyes and feels his heart break a little bit._ _

__“Your playing didn’t remind me of hers. You have a very different style... but seeing your play... it brought up memories I thought I’d forgotten.”_ _

__“Good memories?” He hopes they are._ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__Q sighs in relief. As long as he’s not dredging up pain he doesn’t mind. He’d feel worse if James hid her from him or forcefully kept all association with her separate. This is better._ _

__“If there is anything I should avoid playing please let me know.”_ _

__James turns to him. “I can’t remember what she used to play, only that she did. Vesper seemed to play to experience music and different emotions but the way you played today, it was like you were expressing yourself through it. It was beautiful, Q. It’s a shame there isn’t a piano here.”_ _

__“It’s fine. I have an electric piano at home and my grandparents came with them when they moved. You can hear me play again.”_ _

__James seems satisfied by this and kisses Q’s head. Presses his face into his curls and resting there for a long moment._ _

__“M gave me my Q mug,” Q says sometime later, feeling that he can, that he should. “She gave it to me as a present when she promoted me.”_ _

__James huffs out a fond laugh. “Of course she did.”_ _

__“She said she thought I’d appreciate it. I was never sure how to take that.”_ _

__James laughs louder and Q smiles at him. Warm and fond and content._ _

__“Where’s the one I bought for you?”_ _

__“Safely locked away inside my desk.”_ _

__“Good. Do you know they make you pay more for the Q mugs?”_ _

__“Well, we are more valuable.”_ _

__James shakes his head. “I did wonder where you got it from. But you also seemed like the type to go out and buy one for yourself.”_ _

__Q shrugs. “I bought R’s - the first one.”_ _

__James sighs. “I think I should have let you know what was going on from the start. Your office was always secure... even now it seems odd that I was so determined to follow her orders to the letter.”_ _

__“I honestly don’t know how ugh of a difference I would have made.”_ _

__“Neither do I, but I think it would have been easier; having you to confide in.”_ _

__“Your faith in me is astounding,” Q says taken aback, not at all sure he meant to voice it out loud._ _

__“Not only justified but deserved. My job has taken that away to some extent and the people I trust are fewer and father between. You, Eve, Tanner, R and M. Not a long list.”_ _

__“No, it’s not, but it’s the same for most people. Our enemies are just more dangerous,” Q tells him gently. “The Q before me... his negligence made him just as dangerous as half the people we’re up against.”_ _

__“And he was your boss.”_ _

__Q’s eyebrows raise. “My point is, you just do your best and ask for help when you need it.”_ _

__“If you promise to do the same.”_ _

__“I promise.”_ _

__

__***_ _

__They spend a day at the model village and other attractions in Godshill. It’s lovely but somehow not as exciting as the model railway at Fort Victoria._ _

__In the evening they head to Arthur’s for dinner with him and his husband._ _

__Q feels as though he’s finally settling into a life with James that will be over in a week. Even though he knows _they_ won’t be; their lives have always come with their own particular set of challenges._ _

__***_ _

__James takes them swimming again on the Wednesday, then to Show Jumping Stables. Q isn’t overly fond of horses but James is happy around them, even watching them._ _

__R calls at the end of each day to catch them up, nothing too bad so far, just a lot of angry politicians. And overtime bills reaching the highest they’ve been for a while._ _

__Q jokes that maybe, maybe, that’s why M gave him a holiday. James rolls his eyes._ _

__***_ _

__On their last Friday Q insists on returning to Osborne House, though there is no protest from James._ _

__They walk through the hallways and grand rooms, down and round the most beautiful staircase Q has seen outside of museums. James seems content to hold Q’s hand and take it all in. They spend the afternoon on the beach looking out at the sea._ _

__Q rests snugly in the v of James’ legs, back against his chest. His arms around him are solid and strong. Q feels settled in a way he hadn’t envisioned he could be._ _

__“What happens when we go back to London?” James asks, surprising Q - once again. He had been sure _he’d_ be the one to broach the subject... or that neither of them wold and Q could just bring James home with him and the cats._ _

__“That depends on what you want,” Q says after some consideration._ _

__“I want to stay here, with you. But something tells me you need your job to be you, and I will never deprive you of it,” James tells him with a now familiar - but non the less startling - honesty._ _

__“James, you do know we can come back here if we want to,” he says, voice carrying just above the sound of the waves._ _

__“I know.”_ _

__Q feels James press his nose to his hair and breathe deeply. He wishes he could make this easier by telling him what he actually wants.... but he’s nervous and ever-so-slightly afraid of disappointment._ _

__“I can almost feel you thinking, Simon,” James says softly, almost too softly. Q’s heart clenches._ _

__“You could come home with me. My house is big enough and the cats are affectionate.”_ _

__“I’m tired, Q.”_ _

__“I’m not inviting you because it’s lonely. I’ve always liked the space and my own company. I’d just rather continue on as we have here than separate if you don’t want to.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t want to live apart from you’ll for the sake of it.” Q takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to live apart from you.”_ _

__“Q.” James is squeezing him tightly again. Q brings his hands up to rest over James’ and keeps them there._ _

__They both know that nether are unbreakable; Q’s heart is carefully guarded with good reason. He has no doubt that Vesper really did strip James of every guard, everything he had in place to protect his. They are both damaged and vulnerable... but, as they know, there are few people who aren’t. The live their lives exploiting vulnerabilities in code, in machines... in people._ _

__Q still sees more hope, and James has had enough of the dark; pulled too far in by forces he couldn’t control. vast, numerous sources (whatever Oberhauser tried to claim)._ _

__He doesn’t say anything, he feels like James should be the next too speak. Q still isn’t entirely sure why James holds him like Q is about to disappear._ _

__It reminds him of Alum Bay. The sea, the beach, James holding on for dear life... Q can’t rule out the distinct and real possibility that he _is_. That all this time James has been grounding himself in the person most real to him; Q. But that he’s also ashamed of doing so._ _

__Maybe it’s not Q he’s afraid will disappear. He bites his slip to make sure he doesn’t voice his heartfelt, _‘Oh, James.'_ Out loud..._ _

__He thinks M must have known Q would agree to go with James as long as he was honest with him. Q doesn’t think it’s unfair to say that James wouldn’t be doing so well on his own. especially given Q wouldn’t be either, though granted to a much lesser degree._ _

__“I still don’t know what to do when we go back,” James admits._ _

__“You don’t have to do anything right away. You have time.”_ _

__“I don’t do well with silence.”_ _

__“Then come into work with me. You can test everything and provide feedback for as long as you want to. You’ve already said that M will approve.”_ _

__“You didn’t sound open to this the last time I brought it up.”_ _

__“No, that’s because I couldn’t imagine it. Now... now I think it would be a good idea, for however long it would interest you.”_ _

__“In that case, it’s something to start with,” James says, sounding more certain than he has for a while._ _

__“And my other offer?” Q swallows and waits for James’ answer._ _

__“I don’t know what I’d be like to live with permanently,” James says._ _

__Q shifts in his arms and turns enough to see James, hooking his leg over his so as not to strain his neck._ _

__“I know I’m different at home... when my work allows me to be there. But I’d still prefer your company there… even if you are at work with me as well.”_ _

__James looks nervous and uncertain._ _

__“You can turn it down, but, you asked what I wanted.”_ _

__James’ voice is gruff. “A future with me.”_ _

__“Yes. Precisely,” he says, clipping his words as he often does at work. “You’d have privacy when you want or need it and me when you don’t.”_ _

__James’ eyes flash to him. “Q-” he stops himself._ _

__“There are times when I will need my space, too. Not often but it will happen.”_ _

__He feels James’ eyes on him for a long time before he speaks. “Do you ever get lost?”_ _

__“In my head? Yes, I do. Sometimes it takes time for me to find my way out.”_ _

__“Do you ever worry that you won’t?”_ _

__“Sometimes,” Q admits. “But I have measures to ensure that myself - or someone or something else can bring me back.”_ _

__James is silent for several minutes this time. Q focusses on the sounds of the ocean and the wind around them whilst he does._ _

__“I want to move in with you, Q. But doing so means I have to work on a few things.”_ _

__“First?” Q asks, putting his own feelings out of the way._ _

__“No, at the same time.”_ _

__Q hides his immense relief with a shy smile. “Just let me know what you need.”_ _

__“You. And an excellent therapist.”_ _

__“Hopefully M has employed Doctor Swann. If not I have someone else I can recommend.”_ _

__James kisses him warmly. “Thank you, Q.”_ _

__Q nods, then kisses James again. Hearing those words has always made him melt, just a little._ _

__***_ _


	14. Bookshops, Fish and Chips and Freshwater Bay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I can imagine living with you, I can even picture hours within Q Branch.... but the rest of it? I don’t know if it’s a world that will resent me stepping down from Double-O status.... or resent me being there at all.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who've left comments and Kudos!! Sorry I haven't been able to reply. I'm on the mend but still not 100%  
> Typing things up is just taking a while :)

He’s sitting outside with his laptop the next morning, enjoying the cool and bright weather, when James steps out of the library door.

“What are you damaging this time?” he asks, leaning against the doorway.

Q laughs and shakes his head. “Nothing compared to my usual standards.” James raises his eyebrows. “I’ve been searching for reviews for that bookshop and seeing if I can find anything else to exact my revenge.”

“James chuckles. “And have you?”

“There might be a few structural issues. Safety concerns with regards to the storing of books, fire extinguishers.... but not enough. There are reviews but no online presence.”

“We can always go back this morning, if you want a more direct approach?”

“James. I’m not wasting your considerable talent on such a small thing?”

“Considerable?” James says, confident smile turning his mouth up on one side.

“As vast as your talents are, the one you’re currently suggesting isn’t going to work.”

“So you don’t want to go back to bed?” James teases.

Q rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to the screen. He knows the offer isn’t serious, even if James would really indulge him if Q had taken him up on it.

Q enjoys sex with James and enjoys the ease of it’s addition to their relationship.... but it still doesn’t matter as much to him as their physical intimacy. He thinks - though maybe not quite to the same degree - that James feels the same.

“Give me a minute, I’ll get dressed and we can head out.”

James is still waiting in the doorway when Q stands and heads over, his laptop back in it’s bag on his shoulder.

Instead of stepping past James he stands in front, leans in and kisses him.

“Q,” James says against his mouth, his arms have wrapped around him.

Q shushes him, slides a hand around his back and another into his hair. He kisses him again, sliding their mouths together and pressing deeper. There’s no urgency; just warmth and affection.

“I’ll lock up. Go get dressed,” James tells him, pressing light kisses to his nose.

Q beams at him. “I won’t be long.”

***

Their book haul is as successful as the previous weeks. And, for all the variety of book and charity shops within London, Q can’t help but realise how much he’s going to miss this place.

“Come on,” James says as they near their - thus far - nemesis of a book shop. 

Q doesn’t stop him, but takes hold of his hand and winds their fingers together, making sure his face is set to impassive.

There are only two people in the shop. One, a woman at the counter, another a young woman sat at a table towards the back sipping tea. Neither were present on their last visit.

The lady at the counter smiles and greets them with good mornings.

James replies politely back whereas Q manages to nod and tries to look interested in the shelves around him.

He goes to head upstairs, back firmly on his shoulder but the woman only smiles and asks that he be careful on the steps, as they’re sometimes steep.

He comes back down a few minutes later to find James amiably chatting with the woman on the till. The younger woman from earlier is gone.

“Yes, they can be somewhat hard to find. Let’s see if Emma has managed to find the others for you.”

Q comes to stand beside James, who turns to him and explains.

“Marcy and Emma are helping me to find a few books from a series that I’ve not been able to find for years.” He shows Q the spine of the old paperback with a faded 3 at the top.

“Here it is!” A little worse for ware,” Emma explains when she comes out from a door in the back. She hands it to James, who smiles like he’s found something precious.

Emma looks at Q. “Finding the first 2 in this series is really easy - but the others can be much harder. Less were printed back then and they haven’t been picked up since.” She has long, light brown curly hair worn in a twisted bun on top of her head. Wisps of it fall around her face and put with her floaty wardrobe she looks like someone not-quite-of-this-world. She reminds him of R when he first met her.

“Thank you, we’re both avid readers but he hasn’t mentioned these to me - I don’t think I’ve ever heard of them myself, either.”

“I know you,” James tells him, “Well enough to know that you wouldn’t stop until you’d found them and believe me I’ve looked.”

He hands them both over to Marcy who puts them through the till and adds the details to the sales sheet in front of it.

Q is baffled by this change of atmosphere and staff in the shop.

“Who own this place?” James asks as he tucks the books away. For such rare books Q is surprised he was only charged £10 for them both, but he suspects that they’ve been in stock for a long time and his genuine interest earned him a genuine approach from the staff.

“I do,” Marcy says. “But I haven’t been able to be here very much over the past year. I’ve had family on the mainland who have been ill and so I’d taken a step back.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Q says, meaning it.

“Thank you, they’re recovering well enough now that I’m not needed as much anymore so I’m spending more time here. Emma is my niece and comes into work with me when she can.”

James nods as it takes it all in. “We were in here a little while ago and had a... very different experience.” 

“Ah.” She shakes her head. “I have been hearing things like that and I can only assure you I’ll get them sorted out. Do you have any names?”

James, of course, provides names and descriptions, which Emma notes down.

“Have you considered making a database of all your books?” Q asks.

Marcy nods. “It’s just time. We’e working on it - myself, Emma and a few others - but it’s slow going.”

Q nods in understanding and gestures for her pen and a spare sheet of paper. After a minute he hands it back.

“Free software to work on any operating system that should help you out, and as long as you make sure to keep a back up it should be fine.” She looks bemused. “We’re city workers, sometimes the supplied software isn’t any good.”

“Ah, well, thank you, both of you.”

Q smiles and leans against James’ shoulder. 

They promptly take them up on the offer of tea and biscuits.

*  
“That was.... different.”

“Second impressions of places are usually more accurate than the first,” James says. They were also given a contact number and email address, that had been set up a little while ago, incase there were any other books they were looking for.

“Is that why you wanted to go back?”

“No. It worked out for the best anyway.” James shrugs and Q laughs.

“I won’t need to enact revenge, which is good, as it was beginning to look too much like hard - and unnecessary - work.” He wrinkles his nose and leans into James, who’s cradling the bag with books inside, a lovely smile on his face.

***

That evening James asks to borrow Q’s laptop after dinner.

He eyes him warily but acquiesces with an nod, fetching it for him and yelping when James pulls him down at his side. It’s not enough for Q’s grip to loosen, but it surprises him none the less.

“I need to book our ferry back for Tuesday and doing it on my phone is too much hassle.”

Q nods, then sighs. “When are we expected back at work?” He asks, realising he doesn’t actually know. He’d just been presuming it would be Wednesday.

“Friday,” James says, most of his attention on the Red Funnel website. “We could stay until Thursday, if you wanted to, but I thought we’d be better with a couple of days to get things in order. And make sure Moneypenny doesn’t kill me.” He squeezes the arm he has around Q’s waist. “Sorry. I probably should have told you. M confirmed it this morning.”

Q shrugs. James is right on all counts. “It’s fine. I miss R, Eve and my grandparents too much to stay an extra couple of days. We’ve been gone almost a month.” he pauses to consider something, marvelling at James’ insistence on typing one handed. It’s childish and ridiculous - he doesn’t need to hold onto Q the way he is, but he’s doing it anyway. Q won’t pretend he’s not enjoying it. “Did you tell him about your living arrangements?”

James shakes his head. “No. I thought it might be best to ask you, first. We’ll need to tell him, but Friday morning in his office might be better.”

“True. Should we invite Eve over on Wednesday?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised to find her camped out on your doorstep when we get back.”

Q laughs. “Breakfast, then, on Wednesday morning.”

“I can go back to the flat and pack up some of my books and bring them over, when you’re having breakfast. I don’t own much else; I brought most of my clothes with me.”

“James,” Q says carefully. “It might be better if you’re there.”

He’s staring at the screen, even though their booking is already confirmed.

“Maybe.” He huffs out an empty laugh. “I’m not deliberately avoiding it. I’m just having trouble comprehending it - going back, seeing everyone, besides R.”  
Q nods in understanding. “We don’t have to decide now.”

***  
They spend Sunday morning in quiet contemplation, lazing around with their books, before Q decides he’s had enough. He showers and then heads down stairs.

He finds James in the front room, staring out one of the windows.

“I’ll be fine here if you want to go out,” he offers, turning into the kitchen to it the kettle on. He’s not sure whether or not James heard him but Q doesn’t mind. He’s used to the quiet moments, to watching James as he’s somewhere far away with his thoughts. 

There isn’t much he can do besides be there, and that’s exactly what he does.

Q makes each of them a cup of tea, leaving James’ next him him where he sits on the edge of the sofa looking out.

The he settles himself down on the sofa that backs against the high front wall, sips his tea and reads the book he’s balanced on the sofa-arm.

He eats his cereal bar, sips his tea, and reads. Most of his attention is focussed on the world within the pages but he’s aware of James.

Q settles somewhat once James lifts his mug and sips slowly, and remains contentedly reading for the next hour or so.

“Q?” James asks eventually.

“Yes?”

“I’m not sure how to do this.”

“Which part?” Q asks, sensing that he’s being asked for help in this instance.

“Anything outside of being here with you.”

Somewhere, somehow, Q has been expecting this.

James continues before Q can speak. 

“I can imagine living with you, I can even picture hours within Q Branch.... but the rest of it? I don’t know if it’s a world that will resent me stepping down from Double-O status.... or resent me being there at all.”

“If you need more time, I think M would grant it,” he tells him quietly, wary of James’ pride.

“I know he would,” James says, with resignation. “He’s kinder than I think the should be.”

“You do deserve it, James.”

He isn’t contradicted.

“I believed him. Oberhauser. I believed that he really was behind it all. I’d forgotten about Silva’s motives, Greene’s plans. All I could think about was everyone I’d cursed just by association. Everyone who would now be on his radar because of me.” He shakes his head but it doesn’t erase the anguish in his eyes.

“Is that why you didn’t kill him? So that you could be sure there wasn’t anything else he was hiding? And you trusted M not to let him escape.”

James shrugs. “That’s part of it. I also wanted him to think that he’d lost. And I was tired.” He closes his eyes. “I’m still tired but now I know that he was just a very good salesman. Just enough truth in with all the lies. Without you and Eve and R and M, I may well have gone on blaming myself. Despite Madeline’s best efforts.”

Q smiles warmly and quietly wishes that M employs her. He finds that he wants to count her amongst his friends.

“And I know I’ve said this before, Q, but I was lost. After what happened at Skyfall... I’d been piecing myself back together and I thought I was finally getting somewhere. Then this and I.... it brought everything back - M, Vesper...”

“They all made their own choices. None of us get involved in this without understanding that. We all know what we’re risking.” He stands, moving to the other end of the sofa, so he can sit directly across from James. “I didn’t want to do anything else. Honestly. It gives me a sense of purpose and my choices are my own.”

“It makes me wonder how many agents have just given up. The very first time I met Mallory he asked me why I’d come back.”

Q knows this story. James told him during one of their late night talks.

“You don’t regret it,” Q states.

“No, I don’t.” His tone is firm, his eyes meeting Q’s. “I did it for her but I stayed for myself. I never expected you.”

“No, I can’t say that I thought one meeting in the National Gallery could lead to this.”

“I do love you, Q,” James tells him.

“I love you too.” He smiles and slowly, James smiles too.

***  
Monday finds them swimming, then heading into Ryde. They laugh in amusement at the ‘Cod Father’ fish and chips shop before returning to the shop with the collectible badges. R had made a tentative request on the phone the night before and he’s happy to oblige her.

He’s even happier when he finds some of the ones he’s been looking for.

He stops outside a music shop, looking inside the window with an odd ache of longing.

“We can go in,” James reminds him gently.

Q nods then pushes open the door. He heads straight for the piano sheet music, looking with interest whilst James wanders around.

He rarely plays anything new but he does find a few things he likes and takes them to the till. The assistant thanks him and gives a pleasant nod to James.

*  
The do, of course, head back to Freshwater Bay for their last evening.

They read until the light becomes too poor, then James lifts his arms and Q settles against his chest.

It’s not so cold now - no where near warm - but the biting wind has less of an edge and the extra light helps make it a little cosier.

There is a very big part of Q that doesn’t want to go back yet. And a smaller part that doesn’t want to leave at all.

Their time on the Island has been wonderful. He feels calmer and more settled and can tell, though there’s a long way to go, that it’s been good for James.

Q still doesn’t know the depth of damage that the man he loves has endured. How many other things have been left out of official reports - how deeply those things have affected him.

He has known for most of his life that love is not enough in a relationship, and understands, by his grandparents example, how much work it can be. But Q is reassured by how serious James is about him and by their time together so far.

The test, or perhaps, just the next step will be going back to London. To a house that will become their home, and see where it goes from there.

*  
Their night is quiet, slow, languid kisses. Hands roaming and skin pressed together.

Sex still doesn’t hold too much significance for Q, but close contact with James is something he needs. So it’s no surprise that he’s left emotionally raw afterwards. He feels exposed, wide open… astounded by James’ gentleness… the reverence in his eyes, in his hands.

He’s not sure if he cries, but James wipes the cloth over his face, under his eyes, then presses kisses on his skin.

He lets Q pull him close before he’s finished, and hold him until he stops shaking.

Once they’re cleaned up and settled to sleep he drifts off quickly, hearing James’ breathing even out as he does.

*  
When he wakes the next - and final - morning on the Island, he finds James holding onto him in the same, somewhat desperate, way as always.

Now that Q understands, he puts his hands up and holds James’ arms against his chest.

_‘You are right here,’_ he thinks, not knowing if he’ll ever be able to say it out loud.

This feels like an understanding that needn’t be spoken.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The book shop is real by the way. The big sign and the occasionally rude staff are too. BUT last time I was there the people running it that day were super lovely! I can't remember their names (and I didn't find out anything about them so the characters etc in this are totally made up) but they were so nice! Helped my Mum find a few books she was looking for. They also didn't stop me going upstairs that time either :)


	15. Q's House, London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He doesn’t want to leave._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter delayed due to health reasons, the road to recovery is a wee bit bumpy sometimes :)  
> So many thank yous to those who've left comments and kudos!!!

He doesn’t want to leave.

They’re all packed up. They’ve also both made sure to perform full sweeps of the cottage and remove the portable security system.

Lydia is out today and all thats left to do is to put the keys back in their hiding place.

James comes in from the library and finds Q stood at the bottom on the staircase, laptop bag over his shoulder.

He gives James a small smile.

“M says all of the major powers and authority have been returned to him.”

“As it should be.”

James nods, walks forwards and opens his arms to Q. he holds tightly, for himself as much as James. There are tears in his eyes afterwards so he removes his glasses to wipe them away.

“I know,” James says quietly. “Choose a week this Autumn and we can come back before the season is over.”

Q, knowing how serious James is, smiles at him as he slides his glasses back into place.

“I’ll need to check when we get back, but I’m sure some point in September will be fine.” Then he takes a very deep breath and steps towards the door.

“Shall we?” he asks.

James nods, looking very serious for just a moment, then follows Q out the door.

*

Q sits sipping his tea on the salmon-pink seats of the ferry and inwardly notes how different his feels.

James is resting comfortably next to him and Q feels settled, aware of his place in James’ heart and his life. The uncertainty he had felt on the way there has been replaced by a quiet assurance.

*

“Where are your cats?” James asks as they approach the outskirts of London. He’s driving them back, Q having driven them to the ferry port.

“They’re with R.”

“Home or Q Branch?”

“I think she’s been taking them back and to,” Q tells him.

James nods. “We could collect them this evening, once R gets home.”

Q blinks. “We could.” He pauses. “James?”

“Yes, Q.” There’s a hint of nerves in his voice.

“I could call my grandparents and we could go over for dinner, if you’d like?”

Tension drains from James’ shoulders. “I’d like that.”

Q smiles, pulls out his phone and calls them.

*

Q performs full security checks once he gets in, then ushers James inside.

“Here.” He points to the console hidden in a panel in the wall. “Choose a code,” he says. Then steps back as James does. “And you’ll need these.” He hands over a key on a familiar keyring.

“Q…” James sounds a little bewildered.

“It’s not the same one from the cottage but it will work the same way.”

James sets up the key fob, pockets it and they then both bring the suitcases and luggage inside.

Their afternoon reminds Q of unpacking on the Isle of Wight, though with added laundry and gift-sorting.

He makes space for James’ suits in his large wardrobe with very little trouble, given the size of it, and within a couple of hours they’re unpacked and sorted.

Q points James in the direction of a mostly-empty bookshelf in the main living room.

“I have so many books in my office that I don’t tend to keep many in here. Will this be big enough?”

“Yes,” James tells him, putting his books from their holiday on one of the muddle shelves.

Q sets about moving his music books - and adding his new ones - to the lowest shelf. It’s far more practical to keep them there than in his office.

It’s only a little after 4 when they’re finished, the only thing left are to bring the rest of James’ books from his flat. He’s admitted not wanting to do that just yet.

James is staring at his bookshelf like he can’t quite believe it’s there.

So, Q takes James by the hand, up the stairs, through their bedroom and into the ensuite.

James’ washbag is on the shelf next to the sink. His shampoo, shower gel and everything else piled next to it. Q smiles at the sight.

“Your shower is huge.”

“It was like this before I moved in and there’s never been a reason to change it.” He shrugs, taking towels off the rack and pilling them next to the shower. “You are, of course, welcome to use it before me, but as you’ve pointed out; there is plenty of room.”

James pulls his jumper over his head with swift efficiency.

Q’s follows shortly after.

***

In the car on the short-drive over James seems fine - calm and relaxed - until they walk up the steps to the front door. His grip on Q’s hand is suddenly much tighter.

“You’ll need to call me by my name,” Q tells him softly, earning a surprised raise of his eyebrows.

“That would make sense,” he admits.

Q knocks on the door (even though he has keys and a security code) and within a few seconds his grandfather opens it and they’re brought inside.

His nana joins them and they introduce themselves to James with warm handshakes and smiles.

“Laura won’t be home for half an hour,” Marigold says. “I didn’t tell her you were here, just that you might pop over later to collect the cats.”

Q smiles. “Good. We’ve brought souvenirs for all of you, but we can save them until she gets home.”

William nods his agreement. “Tea, James? Coffee?”

James looks to Q.

“They have an extensive tea selection.”

“Mostly for Simon’s benefit, though Laura has added to it as well,” Marigold explains.

“Lapsang souchong, please,” James says and William nods.

“You can come into the kitchen or settle in the lounge. I’m sure Simon wants to give you a tour.”

Q’s grandparents head into the kitchen, so he takes James by the hand he’s still holding and shows him around.

“My old room is the guest room, though the only guests are usually me, and occasionally my aunt and uncle.”

“The ones who live in your grandparents old house?” James asks.

“Yes,” he says warmly. “My grandparents usually go to stay with them because it’s easier with the children. I’ve gone back a couple of times but… it’s like another world… in a completely different way to our holiday.”

“I know what you mean,” James says softly. “Do you miss it?”

“Gloucestershire?” James nods. “Sometimes. I miss my university more. London is fine but I’m here because it’s where my job is. That my grandparents, Laura, you and Eve are here helps.”

“And the art galleries, museums and book shops.”

Q smiles. “Yes, those too.”

“It’s been a very long time since I’ve had any where that felt like home. My old flat was the closest I got but that was sold an the new one…. I haven’t even hung anything on the walls.” James shakes his head. “The cottage, with you, is the first time in years I’ve felt close to having a home again…. and that was temporary.”

“My offer isn’t. Temporary, I mean.”

James turns and puts his arms around Q. “Neither is mine.”

Q nods, careful of his glasses as he rests his head on James’ shoulders and slides his arms around his back.

At moments like this the scars James hides from the world are visible, along with the wounds barely healed. Q doesn’t poke or prod; he soothes and listens.

“I can feel you thinking,” James mumbles into his ear.

Q chuckles warmly. “Yes, you probably can. Tea?” he asks.

“Yes.” James squeezes him before letting go and following him down the stairs.

*

Q waits by the door for R, leaving long enough for her to lock it behind her and put the cat carriers down to pull her into a tight hug.

“I’ve missed you too, Simon,” she says, her words muffled by his shoulder.

“Knowing you were here to hold down the fort made it easier. By all accounts you’ve been brilliant.

R shakes her head and dark red hair blurry across his glasses.

“When are you coming back?” She steps back and Q can see how relieved and happy she is to see him.

He can’t help but smile warmly at her.

“Friday, probably. We’ve got meetings in the morning but hopefully after that.”

“Good.” She smiles. “Where is he?” R asks, looking through the door to the kitchen.

“Here.” James steps out of the living room and R goes straight to him, holding him close and telling him how glad she is to see him. She doesn’t hide her concern and James doesn’t back away from it. Q is sure it makes him happy, that level of love and support from a friend.

Q turns his attention to the cat carriers, opening them carefully and immensely pleased when Feynman jumps straight into his arms. Tesla stretches half way out then proceeds to lie on his legs wen Q rests on the floor of the hallway.

James and R finish their conversation and R heads into the kitchen to see their grandparents.

“Everything okay?” Q asks James when he settles besides him on the floor.

“I couldn’t have left you,” he says quietly, though his voice is filled with emotion. “Even without Mallory’s intervention. I’d have taken Madeline somewhere safe and always, always returned. If not to MI6, then to you. And I would have found someway to tell you where I was going. You, Eve, Laura… even Bill and Mallory…” he breaks off with a harsh breath. 

Tesla paws at his leg and Q reaches for his hand, relieved when warm fingers clasp his. 

“Even if you didn’t return my feelings, I’d rather take a desk job than go it alone out there.”

“James. Even if I didn’t love you the way that I do, I would always have welcomed you back. Agent or civilian or somewhere in between.”

James squeezes his hand again and shuffles along the floor to sit closer.

Tesla eventually walks over onto his legs and purrs where she rests over his knees. Feynman stays nettled close to Q.

“How long do we have before dinner?”

Q glances at James’ watch. “At least half an hour.”

“Good.”

***

It’s only just past ten when they get home.

Q lets Feynman and Tesla out of their boxes and they’re off exploring the house; reacquainting themselves with their territory.

Q heads to the kitchen to make tea. James follows him but sits on the window seat, staring out into the dark garden.

“Have you spoken to Eve?” James asks.

“No, I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do tomorrow.” He stirs milk into his tea, picks up James’ cup, walks over and hands it to him.

“Invite her to breakfast. I’ll be here, but it might be best if you let her in.”

“James, we don’t have to. You don’t have to.”

James nods. “I know. But Eve is one of my closest friends and I’ve hated not bring able to tell her where I was.”

“She misses you. She’s also probably going to be a tad angry with me. Once she realises I’ve known the whole time.”

James shrugs. “Maybe. But she’ll understand.”

Q pulls out his phone and texts her. She replies quickly, agreeing to be there at 08:30 sharp, saying she’ll sort it out with M.

“He’ll understand.”

“Hmmm,” Q agrees, sipping his tea.

“We should head to my flat afterwards. It won’t take too long to pack up.”

“Alright.” He’s never been there. He knows whereabouts in Chelsea it is, and knows from both James and Eve how bare and un-lived in it is.

He wonders if his house seems too full by comparison. It’s not cluttered but most shelves are full and he has photos, figurines and bits and pieces in drawers or on display.

He also wonders if James used to do the same, before MI6 decided he was dead and packed it all up into storage. Q doesn’t like to think that he never has… or that he might have done on that yacht with Vesper.

James gives too much to be rewarded with so little.

There’s blood on their hands, that is true, but everyone within the secret service has contributed to it. He doubts James’ license to kill provides much comfort on dark, endless nights.

“Bed?” James suggests.

Q finishes his tea. “Yes.” 

They leave the mugs in the sink and head up to bed. There’s plenty for breakfast, thanks to the forward thinking of his grandparents, so he won’t have to nip out before Eve arrives in the morning. 

The nighttime security check is so similar to that of the cottage that Q smiles to himself when James reports back.

When Q comes in from the bathroom - in a fresh pair of pyjamas - he finds James sat on his usual side of the bed.

“I wasn’t sure what side you sleep on here,” he admits.

Q chuckles. It’s a fair enough question given he has things on both bedside tables.

“Generally the same side. Just pass me the books - the drawers are empty.”

James does, but looks confused by the comment.

“I like to have extra space to expand, there’s a couple of empty drawers in the large dresser as well, if you need them,” Q explains.

“Good to know.”

Q puts the books on the smaller bookshelf in the room, then gets into bed. He makes sure his phone is on charge before taking his glasses off.

James slides under the covers slowly, puts his things on the bedside table in the same tentative way he had at the cottage.

He’s as carefully in his actions now as he was then.

Q can only imagine what he would feel like if he was moving into James’ house. It would, he thinks, probably be similar to the way he’d felt that first morning before they left Q branch.

James doesn’t need to worry. Q is very much in this for the long term.

“Come here.” Q opens his arms and rolls over, bringing James against his chest, his head tucked under Q’s chin. “I love you,” he says, kissing James’ hair. Q isn’t at all surprised when strong arms wrap around him and hold on tight. “The alarm is set for seven, so we’ll have plenty of time to prepare for Eve’s visit. Q strokes his fingers through James’ hair.

“I’ll cook,” James offers.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Q admits, earning a small burst of laughter against his chest.

“Where are the cats?”

“Probably in the kitchen, they have a few favourite spots down there. They might join us tomorrow but they don’t always sleep up here,” Q explains, feeling James relax in his arms the longer he talks.

“I love you too, Q.” he whispers later, when they’re both on the cusp of sleep.

Q lets the warms of those words warm him as he slips under.

***

Q has Eve’s gift bag of souvenirs and the postcards both he and James had written for her, on the table next to her placemat.

In the light of morning he’s far less worried about his friends reaction.

James is tense, pensive as he sets things out in the kitchen to make breakfast more efficient, but Q thinks Eve will understand.

The doorbell rings and he darts off to the front door.

Feynman looks up from her sunny perch on the window seat but makes no move to follow.

He checks his security system to make sure it’s here, then opens the door.

Eve’s worried expression melts away the moment he steps into the doorway. She keeps it together until they’re both locked inside but then he’s being hugged so tightly he can barely breathe. He squeezes back as best he can but Eve is stronger. He doesn’t mind, not if it helps.

“I have missed you so much,” she says, leaning back with her hands on his shoulders. “A month without my best friend hasn’t been easy. Especially not the last few weeks.”

“I know,” he says, meaning it. R hadn’t expressed it in quite the same way but that was probably because she knew where and who he was with. “And I’m sure there were other reasons I was sent on holiday than the one I already know about, but M will tell me if and when he feels it’s appropriate.”

Eve shakes her head. “Right now I’d say he’s the one who needs a holiday.”

Q smiles kindly at her. “So do you and the others.”

“Well, I can’t complain. I was away before this all started.”

Q nods, not wanting to be diverted too far from where he knows this conversation has to lead.

“Eve. I wasn’t by myself, when I was away.”

Her head tilts a little to the right and her eyes narrow slightly. 

“I suspected for a while but it seemed implausible. R was here and I know your grandparents haven’t left London.”

“I was on the Isle of Wight, with James.” He watches the realisation form in her eyes. Her hands slide down from his shoulders to rest on his elbows. “It was my choice. I could have gone somewhere else, alone, but we talked - myself and James - and cleared the air.” He smiles shyly. “He hadn’t left London, before he came to see me. He was hiding, of sorts, in therapy. It’s alright,” he says, seeing her confused expression. “He said I could tell you.” He frowns. “Though, we were both under express orders not to tell you where we were, or that we were together.”

“M?”

“Yes.”

He lets the silence fall, gives Eve time to work through her thoughts. To her James has been gone for seven weeks…. seven weeks. The last time she’s seen him he was walking towards Madeline on that bridge. She’ll understand - sometimes their work requires this - but it will still hurt.

“He’s in the kitchen,” Q says softly.

Her eyes snap back to his and her grip on his elbows tightens.

“He missed you.” He smiles. “He bought and wrote postcards for you from everywhere we went. But we couldn’t send them.”

“When you say we…,” she asks, tentatively.

Q smiles and nods shyly. “I love him, Eve, very much. And I trust him.”

“Does he…?”

“Yes.” He’s blushing ever so slightly. But Eve, having got her answer, doesn’t push for more.

Q gestures for her to go on ahead of him, but Eve shakes her head.

So he shrugs and, once she’s released him, walks with her into the kitchen.

He stands back once there and watches James step towards Eve. She smiles - with tears in her eyes - and wraps her arms around him with the same vigour she’d used on Q.

“Next time please just let me know you’re safe,” she says, with no idea that there shouldn’t be a next time.

James looks so relieved that she’s not angry, and Q smiles. Of course Eve understands.

They sit down for breakfast, James hands her all the postcards and Q, the big bag of presents.

“Thank you,” she says, accepting it all and smiling when she picks up the cards and starts to read them.

They’d signed them all J&Q but Q wishes, once again, that he could tell her his name…. but there isn’t anything stopping him from doing so.

“Given recent events,” he says when they’ve finished eating. “It might be prudent for you to know what to call me in certain… situations outside of work.”

She looks at James, and then back to Q.

“I suppose it would have looked odd if he’d called you Q on holiday,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders.

Q nods. “Simon. My first name is Simon.”

“I’m Eve,” she says, offering her hand to shake - which he does. “Lovely to make your acquaintance.” She winks and they return their tea. “I take it that no one can know that I’ve seen you?”

Q shakes his head. “If it comes up I think you can admit to seeing me… I think James is still a secret until Friday morning.”

James nods. “Though I’m certainly not under house arrest. No one else - aside from M and R - knows I’m still part of MI6.”

Eve looks to the cats lying in the sun at the mention of R, their presence indicating that she at least knew before her. She shrugs after a moment and smiles kindly at them both.

“As I said near the start of your holiday; I’m sure M would have scattered all of us if he could. But I’m sure he’ll tell you more than that on Friday. It’s been… difficult. Things are starting to get better, but I’m happy knowing you’re both here.” She turns to Q. “R has been brilliant, but she’ll be the first to admit she wants you back.”

Q nods. “She really, really doesn’t want to run Q Branch full time, and she won’t have to. For all it’s been lovely to be away, I’m looking forwards to going back.”

James smiles at him and squeezes his hand underneath the table.

Eve just looks supremely relieved to see them both again.

***


	16. Flat. Office. Branch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of this chapter will go into Q's past... it's best me mentionning that he remembers this from a child's point of view. I've been very vague, as is my knowledge on the subject, but whenever I tried to think of something different it just felt wrong... for my Q at least.

They both head to James’ flat. Q knows R will be making sure no one is following them… though Q can still monitor well enough to know no one is.

The flat is as sparse as Q had imagined. The pictures are placed on the floor against the wall - as James had described - and it looks like he’s either moving in… or moving out.

And it makes sense; in someways James’ life has been on hold for a long time… or maybe this part of it wasn’t important, nothing to come home to besides books, and those could be taken anywhere.

Q’s own home wraps him in comfort and hides him from the world when he wants or needs it to. He deliberately designed it that way.

After _the_ night on the bridge he’d needed it’s comfort until all he’d wanted to do was drown himself in work. Then rinse repeat.

They pack up the books quickly, in the boxes James had no doubt taken them out of. There are a few suits and other bits of clothing neatly gathered on the sofa, but they will fit in the car easily.

They pile it all up neatly by the door, then James goes to his bedroom and comes back with a shoe box. It’s old, worn and brown. The shoes that came in it were expensive, Q recognises the makers mark embossed onto it.

James places it on the coffee table in front of Q and pushes it towards him.

Q looks up in question.

“Paperwork. Birth certificate and all the family photos I have. You can look through them, if you want. Either way, I know you’ll have somewhere secure we can put them.”  
James sits down next to him on the sofa, but leaves a bit of space between them.

Q runs his finger around the lid but he doesn’t move to open it. he knows James’ past, but opening it seems far too invasive when he hasn’t offered the same in return.

“I don’t have any pictures,” he says quietly. “Any that my grandparents have are locked away. The only exception is a photo from when my mother and my aunt were children, it’s amongst the ones they have in their hallway.”

James studies him, then asks, gently, carefully. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Q laughs but it’s short and humourless. “I do, yes. Only my grandparents and R know the whole story. M… and now Mallory - M have access to the facts.” He shakes his head and settles back on James’s sofa. It is much more comfortable than it looks, so much so that he shifts forwards and brings his legs up onto it and wraps his arms around them. His chin rests on his knees and he wriggles his socked-toes one at a time against the fabric. He turns slightly, to keep James in his line of sight.

“I was too young and distracted to know what was going on. I liked to read, I always did my homework… both my parents worked, but as a child my home life was fine. I spent every summer with my grandparents in Gloucester, not unusual, and I enjoyed it. 

“When I was twelve I went for summer and suddenly didn’t have a home to return to.”

James is keeping a small but careful distance, one that Q appreciates. He also can’t help but wish he’d reach out and take his hand.

“My mother had a long-term drug addiction. And my father, instead of helping her, indulged her. He thought by sending me away he was somehow keeping me safe… and she was high functioning so no one realised.” He sighs and curls himself further around his legs. “My grandparents hadn’t noticed either, they lived so far away… but whilst I was with them their calls stopped being returned or answered… or being made.” He swallows. “My father helped her end both their lives that summer but they weren’t found until after my grandparents raised the alarm. The coroners report said they’d been dead for four days before they were discovered.

“My grandfather went to retrieve everything I wanted… the house was sold and everything else was sorted.” Q’s words are shaky and they don’t come out nearly as smoothly as he wants them to, but he keeps going. “I went to the funeral, but I don’t really remember much of it. I _do _remember when my grandparents told me what had happened. They held my hands and told me that their home would be mine too from that point on. I remember the relief I felt that they loved me enough to stay with me.” He can’t meet James’ eyes, he focusses on the dark denim of his jeans instead. “I knew, even then, that sometimes people die and there isn’t anything you can do… but my father didn’t… and that bothered me for a very long time.”__

__Silence falls and Q takes the chance to breathe and settle himself a little._ _

__James clears his throat. “You took your grandparents name,” he says, voice rough._ _

__“Yes. They formally adopted me almost immediately after, as soon as it could be arranged. A place at the local school was sorted and my life continued on there once the summer ended. They made sure I saw a councillor for a year or so but I hurt more than I grieved and I stopped thinking about them. I still don’t.”_ _

__“Are they part of the reason you rescued R?”_ _

__He’s heard R affectionately call it that but James says it earnestly, so Q answers without the usual levity._ _

__“Yes. My parents and then my grandparents actions taught me something important. I knew the moment I saw her that I’d help in whatever way I could.”_ _

__“…. is that, is that also why you allowed me to stay in Q Branch?” James asks, quieter this time._ _

__“It always seemed more like you wanted a friend than to be saved. And I was delighted you trusted me enough. I felt safe in your company. Your presence has always been reassuring, for me, anyway.” He pauses. “And though it’s true I helped save R, she equally saved herself. My grandparents are overjoyed to have her living with them.”_ _

__James nods. “I noticed. I like them, your family. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been around that kind of warmth. It’s the same in your house.”_ _

__Q looks around at James’ flat and wonders again what his old one looked like._ _

__“Without my grandparents I can’t even imagine who I would be now, or how I would have coped. My… my house and everywhere I’ve lived are reflections of what they’ve taught me.”_ _

__“I love you, Q,” James says, and Q sits up properly._ _

__“I love you too.” He blinks. “You know, my house is _your house_ now as well. I mean it. I want you to have a home you deserve, James.”_ _

__James smiles and holds his hand out, folding his fingers around Q’s shaking ones._ _

__“Thank you. And I know you do.” He squeezes his hand. “And I’m sorry about your parents. My own weren’t uncaring, just busy.”_ _

__“Do you miss them?” Q asks, his voice still shakes but it’s less noticeable._ _

__“Sometimes. I don’t remember much. I miss Hannes Oberhauser more… he was good to me. I suppose it’s good to know that his killer has been avenged.” James sighs._ _

__Q nods his head in understanding. Another piece of the complex puzzle life has made of the man at his side falling into place._ _

__“Home?” he offers._ _

__“Are you okay?” James asks._ _

__Q shrugs, not exactly sure._ _

__James stands and brings Q to his feet. They stand in silence until Q steps forwards and wraps his arms around James, pressing his face into his shoulder._ _

__James holds him close in a warm hug. They stay there for a long time._ _

__***_ _

__They head in to work just after 7._ _

__James takes Q’s hand once they’re out of the car and they walk across the cobbles together._ _

__Q’s security pass works with no issue but James doesn’t have his. Security check something on the screen, then buzzes him through._ _

__“M has it for safe keeping,” he explains as they continue inside._ _

__Q nods and doesn’t bother asking how he made it into Q Branch that morning. R’s already explained that she gave him the same access to their new Q Branch as Bond had at their last. Q faintly remembers agreeing to it when she asked him, but it does explain it._ _

__They make their way to M’s office, noting the changes in access and security are already in place._ _

__This early no one else is around, even Moneypenny isn’t at her desk yet._ _

__M calls them in after James knocks on the door. He’s stood at his desk, smiling widely when they enter and close the door securely behind them._ _

__He shakes their hands warmly, then gives them time to take off their coats and settle down._ _

__“Welcome back, Q, Bond. We can get onto the details of your holiday after we’ve gone over a few of the official changes and updates.” He looks at James and waits for a nod of agreement, a small movement to indicate that he’s staying at MI6. M doesn’t hide his smile when he gets it, but moves straight on to giving them a rundown of everything they’ve officially missed. It includes an update on Dr Swann, who has decided to sort somethings out on her own, but M has made sure she knows she can return if she wants to._ _

__“Any questions?” he asks at the end._ _

__It’s taken them over an hour already but M assures them that no one is allowed to disturb them with anything less than an emergency before 11am._ _

__Q shakes his head. There’s nothing that immediately springs to mind, nothing R can’t update him on when he goes to Q Branch later. Anything else he might want to talk to M about is of a more personal and private nature._ _

__“Well, then. I spoke to Miss Moneypenny yesterday, to explain why it had been so important to keep your whereabouts from her, Tanner and the rest of MI6.”_ _

__Q raises his eyebrows, wondering if M will share the reason with him._ _

__He doesn’t, but Q gets the feeling that is also being kept for another discussion._ _

__James takes the opportunity to place the gift bag he’s been carrying on M’s desk._ _

__He opens it and the box inside, and smiles warmly._ _

__“Thank you, Bond, Quartermaster. Very much appreciated.” He’s holding a TARDIS teapot._ _

__Q blinks, looks at James - who shrugs - then back to M. He has one at home, albeit the smaller version, but one none the less._ _

__“You’re welcome, Sir,” James says._ _

__M nods and carefully puts it away, then puts the bag in a desk drawer._ _

__“And thank you very much for the photos and updates. It’s been a while since I visited but it doesn’t seem to have changed too much, though I hear there’s wifi now.”_ _

__Q chuckles. “Yes, sir. I was surprised as well.”_ _

__James is smiling warmly at his side and M, Q notices, looks relieved to see them._ _

__They talk for a while longer, about the Island and the places they visited, M’s relief becoming clearer by the minute._ _

__The conversation turns to Q and Q Branch, about R’s excellent work and M’s decision to give Q carte blanche - as long as he keeps M updated at all times._ _

__“Thank you, sir. I’ll make sure to pass your comments onto R.”_ _

__“I spoke to her yesterday, but some positive reinforcement shouldn’t hurt. Neither would a cat.”_ _

__“For R or yourself, sir?” Q asks with a small smirk._ _

__“A cat each, perhaps.”_ _

__Q smiles and shakes his head fondly. “That can be arranged.” Then he stands, understanding that the rest of this meeting isn’t for him._ _

__“I’d like to head to Q Branch, unless you need me for anything else?”_ _

__M shakes his head, stands and shakes Q’s hand._ _

__“It’s very good to see you back safe and well, Q.”_ _

__“You too, M.”_ _

__James places his hand on Q’s arm, once he’s gathered his things._ _

__“I’ll come down to Q Branch.”_ _

__Q nods and meets his eyes, reassuring James that he’ll support whatever he decides. When James’ hand slides down his arm and runs along his palm, Q closes his fingers around it and squeezes._ _

__He’s well aware that M can see them, and though that’s not why he’s doing it, he thinks that maybe he’s helping to answer some of the questions M hasn’t been able to ask._ _

__***_ _

__Stepping back into Q Branch feels distinctly similar to coming home. It’s another place he feels safe and where he belongs. His house and the cottage feel the same way._ _

__He knows the branch hasn’t been there for too long but the people are the same and they _built_ this for them, their base, their home. A fortress._ _

__It was also instrumental in keeping him sane in the weeks when James was gone._ _

__His lab is tidy now, as he left it, instead of the mess it had been after their rapid move._ _

__R has set her things up on one of the other desks in the room - as he’d told her she could. He smiles at the sight, especially when he sees her mug sitting amongst her things._ _

__There are a few people about in the main garage - they wave and smile as he heads to his other desk in._ _

__R has cleaned it of anything she’d had set up and there’s a note - promising his favourite tea later - in the centre._ _

__After a walk around the entire branch, he retrieves both the Q mug from his drawer and the box containing the one he’d had custom-made for James._ _

__He hopes it’s still relevant._ _

__R greets him as she comes in, her smile is as bright as her eyes._ _

__“Q,” she says._ _

__“R,” he greets with a smile of his own. “Bring your mug, it’s time for some tea and we have some things to go over, I’m sure.”_ _

__“We do, yes.” She can’t stop smiling, the curls of her dark-red hair bouncing on her shoulders as she walks. “I won’t be a minute.” She hurries off and Q lets a laugh of happiness escape him._ _

__Laura returns a few minutes later, her coat, bag and laptop left on her desk. She sets her R mug down and hands Q the tin of tea._ _

__She looks at the box on the counter, then meets Q’s eyes. He nods and she doesn’t comment, just heads to the fridge with a smile on her face._ _

__They lock themselves in his main office - having let those in the garage know to call through if they need anything._ _

__Q makes no mention of whether or not James will be coming down to join them because he’s not sure how long he’ll be, and he will respect Q and R’s privacy when he does arrive._ _

__Q sits at R’s desk, talking through all of the details he needs to know; the ins and outs of her research and how his tied in with it._ _

__“M wants me to let you know he’s impressed with both your running of Q Branch and your investigations,” Q tells her, but she flinches, blushing almost as red as her hair. “R,” he says gently. “I’m not planning to leave, but I chose you as my second for a multitude of reasons. One of them is because I know this department is in excellent hands with you - as it has been. If anything ever does happen, if I need to travel half way around the world with James, I know you can - and will - be able to run Q Branch until I come back.”_ _

__It takes her a moment but she relaxes, putting her mug back down on her desk._ _

__“M thinks I’m being modest, which I guess I am, but for all I’m relieved and happy to know I’ve been doing a good job… the aim was always to do so until you came back. So that now I can go back to my normal duties.”_ _

__“And you can.” He holds out his hand and squeezes hers gently in reassurance. “I wouldn’t like for you to leave either, just so you know.”_ _

__R smiles. “I know, and I’m certainly not planning to.”_ _

__“Good.” He sips his tea. “R?”_ _

__“Hmm?”_ _

__“Not being able to tell Eve where I was or who I was with had been hard, but not being able to tell you would have been impossible.”_ _

__Her eyes widen, but only for a second, then she is back to smiling with understanding._ _

__“I’m glad you were able to work things out.”_ _

__Q nods, but checks the doors are all secure before answering._ _

__“I was so worried about what would happen if I let him in. How hurt I would be if I turned into another notch on his bedpost…. I never allowed myself to think he might be serious. I knew our friendship would still he there after whatever it was I thought he wanted… but that I’d be deeply affected by it. I couldn’t stand the pain of a possible rejection.”_ _

__“He really just didn’t know how to tell you. He never told me directly, and rarely indirectly. But I could tell… it was just never my place to offer more than gently encouragement. When we thought he’d left it didn’t feel real, but sometimes things… don’t… so far as I knew he was really gone.”_ _

__Q knows what she went through, understands echos of her life and pain before a chance meeting in the docklands brought her to MI6._ _

__“He’s moved in with me now,” he tells her gently._ _

__“Good,” she says, and he can tell how much she means it._ _

__***_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... um... One chapter left! Which will be posted in the next few weeks. I've already started typing it up.
> 
> I have also written - typed this time - another 00Q story, but it's set after the Moonraker book and continues on from the very last scene of that (I just picture the Craig-verse cast but in that time period). Q is Simon in it and works for MI6 but he's not head of Q branch. Anyone interested? I just don't know if its a wee bit too niche to post is all. let me know!
> 
> Many thanks for all the comments and Kudos. Seriously, it means a lot!!


	17. Q Branch, Home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _James settles well into Q Branch and life with Q_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and commenting and kudos! This is the final chapter of this story >< I hope you enjoy!!!

James comes in through the direct door to Q’s main private office. R is upstairs in the new computer lab, continuing to take apart Spectre’s network of contacts so he’s alone.

“I asked Tanner to bring me over,” James says casually, hanging his coat up next to Q and R’s. “He was too stunned to say much of anything on the way here.” James smiles wryly. “M’s promised to quietly update him on my change of address and next of kin, when he gets back.”

Q laughs good-naturedly.

“I also didn’t tell him where I’ve been, or that I was with you. So I’m sure, when he comes back over to give me my new security pass, you’ll be exposed to his stuttering and silence.”

James is stood a polite distance from Q’s desk, but he’s almost vibrating, holding himself back from getting closer.

Q stands and closes the gap, arms on James’ back as he holds him tightly. He hears James breathe in and out slowly, deeply, one hand fisted in his hair and the other firm around his back. He smells of fresh air and London, aftershave and coffee; Q breathes him in.

His heart feels full, overflowing with emotion. Just the simple act of being held by James is enough to focus his entire world.

“I love you,” James says, his voice rumbling in Q’s ear.

“I love you,” Q affirms. “So much, so very much.”

James releases him and pulls a chair over to Q’s desk.

It’s so utterly, utterly different from that other morning that nothing about it feels familiar. Yet it’s starting to remind him of the time before the whole mess with Spectre. Just with a new intimacy.

“M approved me for testing and Development in Q Branch.” His face breaks into a warm smile. “He was surprised, but he understands. I pointed out that he already has a wonderful second in command.”

“Moneypenny,” Q agrees.

“I think we might have been the first to realises it. He’s going to talk to her this afternoon.”

Q nods, idly tapping the sides of his mug.

“Do you want some more tea?” James asks with a lovely, knowing smirk.

“Yes, thank you, but on that note, I have something for you.” Q reaches into his desk drawer - he’d thought it best to hide it from sight. “I don’t know whether or not this is still appropriate, but, here.” He hands the box to James.

James opens it carefully, pulling the mug out from the packing paper. He smiles, honest and wide, running his fingers along the 007 on each side.

“Thank you, Q.”

Q smiles, both tightlipped and wide. He knows he’s blushing, but he’s not alone.

“I’ll keep my designation. Double-Os apparently keep them until they retire from the service, even if they’re not part of the division anymore.”

“Well, welcome to Q branch, officially. I’m not sure if anyone will notice you’re working here now, given you’ve already been doing your new position in an unofficial capacity for years.”

James shrugs. “As long as you and R know, I don’t mind. If people ask, tell them, if not leave them be.”

He stands, taking his mug and Q’s. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Same access codes?”

“Yes. I’ll upgrade your access so you won’t have to sneak in here all the time.”

James nods and heads out into the main area of Q Branch, leaving Q to his thoughts.

When he comes back in there’s a slight spring in his step and a light in his eyes.

“Shall we get started?” James asks, smiling when Q laughs.

***

**Epilogue**

James settles well into Q Branch and life with Q. Their hours are jointly erratic, even if they’re in different areas of Q Branch. They make an effort to arrive and leave together almost everyday. 

A few people have asked him about his return and Q has overheard James’ quiet but honest explanation. They’re happy to have him and there’s a now-familiar light in his eyes when he works with the cars that Q is relieved to see. With it, any doubt he’d had about James taking this job just to be close to him is banished.

This evening James is with Eve, for what Q guesses is a proper catch up. It’ll be the first chance they’ve had; her now-official-position has been running her and M off their feet.

Q could have gone to his grandparents and R's, but he finds he’d rather take some time to himself. 

he plays with the cats, reads and relaxes for a while, enjoying having nothing pressing to do or think about.

The shrill ringing of the doorbell confused him when he hears it. Only a select few people are able to get past the front gate, after all.

He sees M at the door, through the security system, and lets him in.

“Your house is significantly more difficult to break into than Bond’s flat,” M says, by way of greeting.

Q smiles and ushers him in, locking up behind him and M hangs up his coat and removes his shoes.

Feynman goes straight for him, mewling until M picks her up.

“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart,” he coos.

Q blinks and shakes is head; getting reacquainted with Mallory outside of work is always a shock, no matter how many times it’s happened.

“Tea?”

“Please.”

Q leads him to the kitchen. “What would you like?”

“Do you have any of the cherry blossom green tea R has?”

“Not at the moment, no.”

“Then Assam, please, with a splash of milk.”

Q goes about making tea, smiling to himself as M fusses over both of his cats.

They settle in the lounge, Feynman back with Q whilst Tesla lets M stroke her back.

“There hasn’t been another opportunity to talk and I didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily. This isn’t really a work-related visit.”

Q smiles. “I thought as much.”

“I know I’ve said so already, but I really hope you don’t feel that I overstepped, speaking with Bond. Then effectively sending you away together?”

“No, not at all. It was probably the best way to get through to us.”

M smiles.

“But, sir, given that I was given a months holiday regardless of company, what was the other reason we were sent away?”

M puts down his mug and considers what to say.

“I was concerned about a direct hit to MI6. Given Spectre’s reach it wasn’t impossible to assume that they might come after us. They may still but I couldn’t keep you away forever. Bond is by far one of the best agents we have ever had and you are the best Quartermaster in our history.

“If something were to happen in London, I knew I could entrust the safety of the country to you. I would have sent R, Moneypenny and Tanner away too, if I could… but I had to be practical about it. If I couldn’t have you and Bond, then I needed the three other people I trusted and who are excellent within their fields as well.”

“It’s sound thinking, sir,” Q says to break the ringing silence that follows M’s confession.

“Do you agree that killing Oberhauser was a good idea?”

Q scrunches his face in confusion. “I did wonder why James hand’t shot him on the bridge, then it occurred to me that you would be the one to do it instead.”

“Oh?” M looks genuinely surprised. “You make some of our best weapons, yet I’m never sure how you feel about what we do with them.” A moment later he adds, “I saw the look on your face when C fell from his tower, you looked horrified.”

Q sighs. “It was a shock to see it. I’m aware of and perfectly fine with what my weapons and other skills enable… but I suppose I was somewhat shocked by how it had all come about. I’m not a stranger to death, and it was a poetic and fitting end… but after the car crash and being shot at…. it was yet another reminder that I am not a field agent.”

“It can’t have helped that a short while after, Bond was gone and everything else was all up in the air.”

Q meets M’s eyes briefly. “Precisely.”

“There is something else. I want to leave it with you for safe keeping, and I was going to wait fo show both you and Bond, but, I think you should see this now.” he reaches into the deep pocket inside his jacket and pulls out a VHS tape.

Q freezes, but meets M’s eyes. 

Mallory nods, so Q stands, collects the tape and turns on his TV and VHS player.

James had shown him the video M left for him when they were at his flat but he hadn’t expected for there to be anymore of them. He knows for certain that nether Bill nor Eve have had one, but he supposes that this might be a handover message of sorts. But if that’s true, why does M want him to see it?

Q presses play, once he’s sat back down, and steels himself - again - to see the woman he owes so much to.

_‘If you’re watching this then I’m already dead._

_‘As my replacement, this should have arrived on your desk after 007 disappears on unofficial business. Tanner will have left it for you under my express orders; he doesn’t know what’s in the package, only when to deliver it. He’s acting under my orders._

_‘It’s come to my attention that there are those in our government and other security forces, including MI5, that have been steadily working against us._

_‘Given Bond’s dedication and loyalty to Queen, country and MI6, I’ve sent him on his own series of missions and investigations. It would be best not to let him know you’ve seen this, or have any idea of whats really going on._

_‘Those loyal to Bond will also be loyal to you. I trust you to know who they are already, Mallory.’ She smiles wryly and the screen. ‘I’ve already put you forward as my preferred successor._

_‘Good luck, M. You’ll need it.’_

The tape ends, so Q rewinds it then turns everything off.

“Shit.”

M huffs. “Yes, quite.” He smiles kindly at Q. “After everything you’ve helped uncover, I wanted you to see this, and Bond, when he gets home.”

“Did you know I was lying to you about Bond’s location? When you called from the summit?”

“Yes. And I know why it was necessary for you to do so. You needn’t worry, Q. I know I have people I can trust. MI5 are having a much tougher time of things. Their new leadership is strong, but there is less trust in their own people. 

“And I know we’re still overstretched and most of our available agents are out taking down Spectre… but at least we have allies. Leiter in the CIA has brought the Americans up to date and on board, the French, Canadians and the Japanese didn’t need convincing. South Africa will follow suit. We’re working together, but not at all in the way C wanted.” M sighs and relaxes against the couch.

“He would have taken over Spectre the moment Nine Eyes was established. It was in his code; overriding the systems and eliminating Oberhauser from his own organisation. I doubt he was at all bothered that James had blown up their main base.”

“I agree.” M closes his eyes and Q can finally see the toll this is taking on him. “I know what you must be thinking; I send everyone on holiday aside from myself. But I am working shorter days and will be getting some more time off, I promise.”

Q smiles kindly. “I was.”

“I need rest. All of us do from time to time, but there isn’t too much for me outside of work. I was serious about the cat.”

Q doesn’t press M for any more personal revelations and he’s happy for the silence to continue. But M sits up and looks over at him.

“Bond hinted that you’ve both worked out a few things from my past.”

“Sir -”

“It’s fine. Your suspicions are correct. I left because I had someone to live for, someone who was more important to me. We didn’t have any children, so when she died I continued on with the life I had. It lead me to overseeing the previous M’s transition.”

Q swallows, feeling somewhat touched that Mallory would share this with him.

“We work in a cold, dark world and maybe I have too much heart, but I think it’s what separates us from them,” M explains.

“I agree.”

“Which is why you moved your Branch and secured my office.”

“Yes.”

“I remember chastising M for being too soft on Bond. Now I understand,” M adds.

“I still,” Q says. “Feel as though I owe you on a personal level.”

M shakes his head. “You paid that back from the very first photo you sent.” There’s a light in his eyes as he talks. “Honestly. I felt as though my nephew was sending me photographs of his honeymoon.

Q laughs. “Yes, I suppose it did.”

***

When James gets home be’s surprised by M’s presence, but sits down to watch the video and takes it all in.

Q doesn’t take his hand until afterwards, but James’ fingers lock with his immediately.

“I’m making dinner tomorrow night,” James says. “Q and R may even be persuaded to play for us. You should come. Eve and Bill might also be dropping in later on.” He doesn’t quite look at M as he speaks.

Their desire for friends and family is so similar, but James still doesn’t know how to ask.

M, ever the gentleman, smiles graciously. “I would be honoured, please let me know if there is anything I should bring.”

***

They shower together, James coming in behind Q and holding him close under the spray.

When they’re done they crawl into bed. James wraps himself around Q, face buried in his damp hair.

Q twines their legs together and holds on.

“Did something happen when you were at dinner with Eve?” he asks.

“No, we had a nice evening.”

“Okay,” Q says, understanding what he can’t say. “We don’t have anything to do until tomorrow afternoon.”

“Is R still coming over to help?”

“Yes, along with her flute. We might run through a few things before everyone else gets here.”

“I was planning on inviting M tomorrow at work, but it seemed better to do it this evening.”

Q smiles against James’ shoulder. “I know. I also know he really appreciates it.”

James hums his agreement. “We’ve been here as long as we were on the island.”

“Have we?” Q considers, moving back on the pillow so they can see each other better. “Yes, I suppose we have.” He smiles at James, hoping to ease some of the worry in his eyes. Q doesn’t know if it will ever truly leave them, but they each carry their scars.

“I’m fine,” James says gently.

Q nods. “Tanner has stopped looking at me as though I’ve sprouted wings,” he says.

James chuckles. “I think he thinks we’re both mad.”

“Or we’ve somehow shattered his reality. It’s the same look he had when I first brought the cats into the lab.”

James laughs and closes the gap between them, kissing Q and wrapping his arms around him once more.

“I love you, Q.”

“And I love you, James,” Q says unto his chest. “I think I’m going to have to take R and M to get cats sooner rather than later,” he adds.

James’ warm laugh rumbles against his hair. “And a cat-den for M’s office.”

“Thank you for volunteering to come with us.”

“As long as you promise it’s only R and M getting new cats I’ll be happy to come with you.”

“We’ll see,” Q says.

James shakes his head against the pillow and Q chuckles against his warm chest.

Q wants to ask if James is happy for his name to be on the deeds for the house, and so many other things related to that… but it’s far too much for right now.

Instead he asks. “Are you okay with all of this? Friends round for dinner? or would you rather it was just us and the cats?”

“It’s fine, Q. It’s just very different to how things had been, before.” He runs his fingers through Q’s hair. “It’s just taking time for me to get used to it. I’m not unhappy. Very far from it.”

“Okay. Good, that’s… very good.” He’s still a little overwhelmed as well, despite how normal this is becoming for them.

“Hm, I think so too. Goodnight, Q.”

“Goodnight, James.”

***  
 _Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, um, yeah... Kinda can't believe I managed to get it all typed and posted (at last).  
> Thank you once again for your support and encouragement! 
> 
> The Mug that Q gives to James is real, it's official merch.
> 
> The other story that I mentioned last time - The one with the Craig Verse versions of the characters but set at the end of the Moonraker book - well, I may well start posting that within the next few weeks! At the moment it's called All Expenses Paid. Knowledge of the book isn't necessary but it would help (I'll summarise it in the authors notes at the start). And, as much as I enjoyed the film.... it's completely irrelevant to this ^^.
> 
> I post updates and info on stories on my tumblr which can be found [here](http://aramiheartilly.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> Probably updating this every week to fortnight.


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